美国国家公共电台 NPR Chanel Miller, Sexual Assault Survivor, On The 'Immense Relief' Of Going Public

 

STEVE INSKEEP, HOST:

Chanel Miller¹'s life changed in 2015 the night she was sexually assaulted by Stanford University student Brock Turner. A jury convicted Turner of three felony counts of sexual assault, and he served just three months in jail. When Miller pressed charges, she went by the name of Emily Doe to protect her identity.

CHANEL MILLER: It sounds a little crazy to have a separate identity, but it was what I needed to do to survive. I sort of just assigned everything that was happening and all those feelings associated with the case to her so that I could carry on in my day-to-day life.

INSKEEP: But now Chanel Miller has decided² to reveal her actual identity. She does so in a new memoir³, "Know My Name." Miller doesn't recall much from the night she was attacked. She was intoxicated⁴ and unconscious at the time. She told Rachel Martin she pieced together what happened to her from local news reports.

MILLER: Every detail, I found out on the news. And I read it at the same time I read all the hostile comments. And so I took those comments to be the truth. And it took a long time for me to detach them.

RACHEL MARTIN, BYLINE⁵: What were the comments?

MILLER: That I was older, so I was the predator⁶. They didn't understand, if you're a college graduate, why you were going to a frat party, why you'd be alone, why you would drink that much.

MARTIN: What was the conversation like when you told your mom and dad?

MILLER: It was almost like I cracked in half. I just sort of bent⁷ over and was unable to speak. And at that point, my mom stood up and she just held me, and we both cried.

MARTIN: What was it like when you saw Brock Turner for the first time in the courtroom?

MILLER: It was shocking because, up until then, he'd existed as sort of an idea or someone abstract that I'd heard about since I did not know this person - and continue to not know who this man is. That first time, I was really just focused on answering the questions and trying not to cry.

MARTIN: At the end of the trial, the judge asked for your victim statement, something that was going to - was supposed to inform the sentencing of Brock Turner. And the statement was published in full by BuzzFeed. It was incredibly personal. You directed it right at Brock Turner. Did you practice it?

MILLER: Yes, I read it aloud repeatedly. I basically yelled it inside my apartment (laughter) for a week.

MARTIN: Did you really?

MILLER: Yeah.

MARTIN: Yeah.

MILLER: Absolutely. And I worried that the neighbors would think I was getting into constant altercations⁸. But it helped me to be able to speak it aloud. And in the beginning, I was extremely soft-spoken. I wouldn't have imagined doing something like that. But by the end, a year and a half had passed and so much hurt had been accumulated. And it had all turned to rage. I felt an immense amount of pain and anger at what I had to see my family go through, what I had to withstand. And that anger really helped dissolve the fear.

MARTIN: Another unique aspect of this memoir is that while it is incredibly personal, at the same time you are - you're able to grasp the universality of sexual assault and the threat that women live with every day. And there are several of these anecdotes⁹. I wonder if you could - if you could share the story about the man on the bench with the pepper?

MILLER: (Laughter) Sure. I was sitting on a bench one evening waiting for my Lyft. There was an older man beside me, and he was slicing this green bell pepper in his lap. And he offered me a slice. And I remember just looking at this slice and thinking - is he trying to lure¹⁰ me in with this bell pepper, you know? What's his ulterior motive¹¹? Is it poisoned? All of this ran through my mind in the few seconds that he was holding it out to me. And then he smiled and I thought - oh, or maybe it's possible that this is just a kind old man offering me a nourishing vegetable. So I took it and ate it. And I think that's really important to remind myself that, you know, not all the world is constructed to hurt you.

MARTIN: May I ask you to read the closing paragraphs of the victim statement that you read in court ahead of the sentencing of Brock Turner?

MILLER: Of course. (Reading) And finally, to girls everywhere, I am with you. On nights when you feel alone, I am with you. When people doubt you or dismiss you, I am with you. I fought every day for you. So never stopped fighting. I believe you. As the author Anne Lamott once wrote, lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining. Although I can't save every boat, I hope that by speaking today, you absorbed a small amount of light, a small knowing that you can't be silenced, a small satisfaction that justice was served, a small assurance that we are getting somewhere and a big, big knowing that you are important, unquestionably, you are untouchable, you are beautiful, you are to be valued, respected, undeniably, every minute of every day, you are powerful and nobody can take that away from you. To girls everywhere, I am with you.

MARTIN: Chanel Miller - her new memoir is titled "Know My Name." Thank you so much for talking with us.

MILLER: Thank you so much, Rachel. I really enjoyed it.

(SOUNDBITE OF ANA OLGICA'S "SUGARCANE")

INSKEEP: And a reminder¹² - if you, or someone you know, needs to speak to someone about sexual assault, the National Sexual Assault Hotline is 1-800-656-4673 - 800-656-4673. You can also find help at hotline.rainn.org.

1 miller   

n.磨坊主

参考例句：

• Every miller draws water to his own mill.磨坊主都往自己磨里注水。
• The skilful miller killed millions of lions with his ski.技术娴熟的磨坊主用雪橇杀死了上百万头狮子。

2 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

3 memoir   

n.[pl.]回忆录，自传；记事录

参考例句：

• He has just published a memoir in honour of his captain.他刚刚出了一本传记来纪念他的队长。
• In her memoir,the actress wrote about the bittersweet memories of her first love.在那个女演员的自传中，她写到了自己苦乐掺半的初恋。

4 intoxicated   

喝醉的，极其兴奋的

参考例句：

• She was intoxicated with success. 她为成功所陶醉。
• They became deeply intoxicated and totally disoriented. 他们酩酊大醉，东南西北全然不辨。

5 byline   

n.署名；v.署名

参考例句：

• His byline was absent as well.他的署名也不见了。
• We wish to thank the author of this article which carries no byline.我们要感谢这篇文章的那位没有署名的作者。

6 predator   

n.捕食其它动物的动物；捕食者

参考例句：

• The final part of this chapter was devoted to a brief summary of predator species.本章最后部分简要总结了食肉动物。
• Komodo dragon is the largest living lizard and a fearsome predator.科摩多龙是目前存在的最大蜥蜴，它是一种令人恐惧的捕食性动物。

7 bent   

n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的

参考例句：

• He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
• We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。

8 altercations   

n.争辩，争吵( altercation的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Have I been in physical altercations with men? 我有和男人们发生肢体上冲突么？ 来自互联网

9 anecdotes   

n.掌故，趣闻，轶事( anecdote的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• amusing anecdotes about his brief career as an actor 关于他短暂演员生涯的趣闻逸事
• He related several anecdotes about his first years as a congressman. 他讲述自己初任议员那几年的几则轶事。 来自《简明英汉词典》

10 lure   

n.吸引人的东西，诱惑物；vt.引诱，吸引

参考例句：

• Life in big cities is a lure for many country boys.大城市的生活吸引着许多乡下小伙子。
• He couldn't resist the lure of money.他不能抵制金钱的诱惑。

11 motive   

n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的

参考例句：

• The police could not find a motive for the murder.警察不能找到谋杀的动机。
• He had some motive in telling this fable.他讲这寓言故事是有用意的。

12 reminder   

n.提醒物，纪念品；暗示，提示

参考例句：

• I have had another reminder from the library.我又收到图书馆的催还单。
• It always took a final reminder to get her to pay her share of the rent.总是得发给她一份最后催缴通知，她才付应该交的房租。