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71.

Meg and I attended the WellChild Awards, an annual event that honored children suffering from

serious illnesses. October 2019.

I’d attended many times through the years, having been a royal patron of the organization

since 2007, and it was always gutting¹. The children were so brave, their parents so proud—and

tortured. Various awards were given that night for inspiration, fortitude², and I was presenting one

to an especially resilient preschooler.

I walked onstage, began my brief remarks, and caught sight of Meg’s face. I thought back to a

year ago, when she and I attended this event just weeks after taking that home pregnancy³ test.

We’d been filled with hope, and worry, like all expectant parents, and now we had a healthy little

boy at home. But these parents and children hadn’t been so lucky. Gratitude⁴ and sympathy

converged⁵ in my heart, and I choked up. Unable to get the words out, I held the lectern tight and

leaned forward. The presenter⁶, who’d been a friend of my mother, stepped over and gave my

shoulder a rub. It helped, as did the burst of applause, which gave me a moment to restart my

vocal⁷ cords. Soon after, I got a text from Willy. He was in Pakistan on tour. He said I was clearly

struggling, and he was worried about me.

I thanked him for his concern, assured him I was fine. I’d become emotional in front of a

roomful of sick kids and their folks just after becoming a father myself—nothing abnormal in that.

He said I wasn’t well. He said again that I needed help.

I reminded him that I was doing therapy. In fact, he’d recently told me he wanted to

accompany me to a session because he suspected I was being “brainwashed.”

Then come, I said. It will be good for you. Good for us.

He never came.

His strategy was patently obvious: I was unwell, which meant I was unwise. As if all my

behavior needed to be called into question.

I worked hard at keeping my texts to him civil. Nonetheless, the exchange turned into an

argument, which stretched over seventy-two hours. Back and forth⁸ we went, all day, late into the

night—we’d never had a fight like that over text before. Angry, but also miles apart, as if we were

speaking different languages. Now and then I realized that my worst fear was coming true: after

months of therapy, after working hard to become more aware, more independent, I was a stranger

to my older brother. He could no longer relate to me—tolerate me.

Or maybe it was just the stress of the last few years, the last few decades, finally pouring out.

I saved the texts. I have them still. I read them sometimes, with sadness, with confusion,

thinking: How did we ever get there?

In his final texts, Willy wrote that he loved me. That he cared for me deeply. That he would do

whatever is needed to help me.

He told me to never feel any other way.

1 gutting   

n.去内脏v.毁坏（建筑物等）的内部( gut的现在分词 )；取出…的内脏

参考例句：

2 fortitude   

n.坚忍不拔；刚毅

参考例句：

• His dauntless fortitude makes him absolutely fearless.他不屈不挠的坚韧让他绝无恐惧。
• He bore the pain with great fortitude.他以极大的毅力忍受了痛苦。

3 pregnancy   

n.怀孕，怀孕期

参考例句：

• Early pregnancy is often accompanied by nausea.怀孕早期常有恶心的现象。
• Smoking during pregnancy increases the risk of miscarriage.怀孕期吸烟会增加流产的危险。

4 gratitude   

adj.感激，感谢

参考例句：

• I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
• She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。

5 converged   

v.（线条、运动的物体等）会于一点( converge的过去式 )；（趋于）相似或相同；人或车辆汇集；聚集

参考例句：

• Thousands of supporters converged on London for the rally. 成千上万的支持者从四面八方汇聚伦敦举行集会。
• People converged on the political meeting from all parts of the city. 人们从城市的四面八方涌向这次政治集会。 来自《简明英汉词典》

6 presenter   

n.（电视、广播的）主持人，赠与者

参考例句：

• Most people think being a television presenter is exciting.很多人认为当电视节目主持人是一件刺激的事情。
• The programme dispensed with its most popular presenter.这个节目最受欢迎的主持人被换掉了。

7 vocal   

adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目

参考例句：

• The tongue is a vocal organ.舌头是一个发音器官。
• Public opinion at last became vocal.终于舆论哗然。

8 forth   

adv.向前；向外，往外

参考例句：

• The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
• He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。