【荆棘鸟】第七章 05

随着晚宴的进程，舞蹈越来越不受拘束，香槟酒和威士忌换成了兰姆酒和啤酒，晚宴的活动变得更象一次剪毛棚的舞会了。凌晨两点的时候，就连牧场工人和女工也完全看不出它和基里地区那种完全平等相待的一般娱乐会有什么区别了。

　　帕迪和菲仍然在场，可是，半夜的时候，鲍勃、杰克和梅吉迅速离去了。菲和帕迪都没有发觉，他们正在自得其乐。如果说他们的孩子不会跳舞的话，他们自己却会跳，而且跳了；基本上是他们俩在一起跳的。在拉尔夫神父看来，他们似乎突然显得互相协调了，这也许是因为他们相互在一起松驰一下，快乐一下的机会太少吧。在他的记忆中，无论什么时候看到他们，身边总是至少有一个孩子。他曾想过，大家庭的父母一定是很苦的，除了在卧室里以外，他们简直没有片刻机会能单独呆在一起。在他们的头脑中，觉得在卧室里谈一谈倒不如干些别的事；这也许是可以谅解的。帕迪还是那副和蔼可亲、兴致勃勃的老样子，可是菲今晚上确实是丰采照人。当帕迪应付差使地去邀请一位牧场主的太太跳舞的时候，她是不乏早就渴望与之一舞的舞伴了。这间屋子里有许多比她年轻得多的女人，因为没有什么人邀舞而无精打彩地坐在椅子上。

　　但是，拉尔夫神父观察克利里夫妇的机会是有限的。他一看到梅吉离开了这间屋子，顿感年轻了10岁，变得生龙活虎了。他和霍普顿小姐、迈凯尔小姐、戈登小姐和奥玛拉小姐翩翩起舞，跳得好极了。他还和卡迈克尔小姐跳了布莱克·鲍顿舞，这使她们大为吃惊。可是在这之后，他又轮流和这个屋子里的每一个未婚姑娘跳了一圈，甚至连可怜巴巴的、相貌丑陋的帕夫小姐也和他跳了一回。此时此刻，由于每个人都彻底放开了，洋溢着友善的气氛，谁都没有对教士有丝毫的责备之意。事实上，他的热情和友善反倒受到了交口称赞。谁也不能说他们的女儿没和德·布里克萨特神父跳过舞。当然，如果不是私人宴会，他是不能下舞池的，但是，看到这样一个漂亮的男人真正自得其乐了一次，是令人高兴的。

 

　　3点钟，玛丽·卡森站了起来，打着哈欠。"不，别让这场庆祝活动停下来！要是我累了的话--我确实累了--我可以去睡觉。我真想睡了。不过，这儿有的是吃的、喝的，已经和乐队打好招呼了，只要有人跳舞，就伴奏。有一点和吵闹声反倒能使我更快地进入梦乡。神父，你能帮我上楼去吗？"

　　一出客厅，她没有向那威严的楼梯走去，却领着教士向她的休息室走去。她沉重地依在他的胳臂上。这扇门是锁着的，在他用她递过来的那把钥匙开门的时候，她在一旁等着，随后，在他的前面走了进去。

　　"这是一次很不错的宴会，玛丽，"他说道。

　　"我的最后一次宴会。

　　"不要这样讲，亲爱的。"

　　"为什么不？我活够了，拉尔夫，我要停止生活了。"她那冷酷的眼睛放着嘲弄的光芒。"你怀疑我的话吗？70多年来，当我想做什么事的时候，我都毫无问题地办到了，所以，倘若死神以为他想让我什么时候死，我就什么时候死，那他就大错特错了。当我选择好时机的时候，我就会死去的，而且用不着自杀。活着保持我们的反击力，是我们的意志，拉尔夫，假如我们真的想停止生活的话，这并非难事。我厌倦了，我想要停止下来了。这非常简单。"

　　他也感到厌倦了，但却不是厌倦生活，而是厌倦无休无止地保持着表面的东西，厌倦这里的气候，缺乏具有共同旨趣的朋友。这间屋子仅仅点着一只高高的、价值连城的红宝石玻璃油灯，光线昏暗。玛丽·卡森的脸上被投上了一层排红色的半透明的阴影，恍恍惚惚地使人觉得她那种倔强的样子带上了些鬼气。他的脚和后背感到疼痛，有很长时间他没有这样大跳其舞了，尽管他为自己能够赶得上所有最新的时尚而感到骄傲。年已三十五，作为一个农村教士，他在教会中有影响吗？他还没有起步就已经收场了。啊，年轻时代的梦想啊！还有年轻人那种说话时的漫不经心，和年轻人暴烈的脾气。他还没有坚强到足以经受考验。但是，他决不会再犯那个错误了。决不会了，决不会了……

　　他烦躁地走动着，叹息着；这有什么用呢？时不再来了啊。到了坚定地面对这个事实的时候了，到了抛弃希望和幻想的时候了。

　　"拉尔夫，你还记得我说过，我要让你吃惊，要让你自己搬起石头砸自己的脚吗？"

　　那干涩、衰老的声音使他从由于碌碌无为而引起的沉思中惊醒过来。他向玛丽·卡森望去，微笑着。

　　"亲爱的玛丽，我决不会忘记你说过的任何一句话。过去的七年中，什么事情少了你都办不成。你的精明、你的怨恨、你的洞察力

　　"要是我再年轻一些的话，就会用另一种不同的方法得到你了。你决不会明白，我是多么想把我的年纪从窗户里扔出去30年阿。假如魔鬼走到我面前，以重返青春的代价买去我的灵魂的话，我会立即就卖出去，决不会象老白痴浮士德那样愚蠢之极地对这桩交易感到懊悔。可是，魔鬼是不存在的、你知道，我实在不能使自己相信有上帝或魔鬼。我从来没有看到过他们实际存在的丝毫证据。你呢？"

 

As the evening wore on the dancing grew more and more uninhibited, the liquor changed from champagne¹ and whiskey to rum and beer, and proceedings² settled down to something more like a woolshed ball. By two in the morning only a total absence of station hands and working girls could distinguish it from the usual entertainments of the Gilly district, which were strictly³ democratic.

Paddy and Fee were still in attendance, but promptly⁴ at midnight Bob and Jack⁵ left with Meggie. Neither Fee nor Paddy noticed; they were enjoying themselves. If their children couldn't dance, they could, and did; with each other mostly, seeming to the watching Father Ralph suddenly much more attuned⁶ to each other, perhaps because the times they had an opportunity to relax and enjoy each other were rare. He never remembered seeing them without at least one child somewhere around, and thought it must be hard on the parents of large families, never able to snatch moments alone save in the bedroom, where they might excusably have other things than conversation on their minds. Paddy was always cheerful and jolly, but Fee tonight almost literally⁷ shone, and when Paddy went to beg a duty dance of some squatter's wife, she didn't lack eager partners; there were many much younger women wilting⁸ on chairs around the room who were not so sought after.

However, Father Ralph's moments to observe the Cleary parents were limited. Feeling ten years younger once he saw Meggie leave the room, he became a great deal more animated⁹ and flabbergasted the Misses Hopeton, Mackail, Gordon and O'Mara by dancing-and extremely well-the Black Bottom with Miss Carmichael. But after that he gave every unattached girl in the room her turn, even poor homely¹⁰ Miss Pugh, and since by this time everyone was thoroughly¹¹ relaxed and oozing¹² goodwill¹³, no one condemned¹⁴ the priest one bit. In fact, his zeal¹⁵ and kindness were much admired and commented upon. No one could say their daughter had not had an opportunity to dance with Father de Bricassart.

Of course, had it not been a private party he could not have made a move toward the dance floor, but it was so nice to see such a fine man really enjoy himself for once.

At three o'clock Mary Carson rose to her feet and yawned. "No, don't stop the festivities! If I'm tired which I am-I can go to bed, which is what I'm going to do. But there's plenty of food and drink, the band has been engaged to play as long as someone wants to dance, and a little noise will only speed me into my dreams. Father, would you help me up the stairs, please?" Once outside the reception room she did not turn to the majestic¹⁶ staircase, but guided the priest to her drawing room, leaning heavily on his arm. Its door had been locked; she waited while he used the key she handed him, then preceded him inside.

"It was a good party, Mary," he said.

"My last."

"Don't say that, my dear."

"Why not? I'm tired of living, Ralph, and I'm going to stop." Her hard eyes mocked. "Do you doubt me? For over seventy years I've done precisely¹⁷ what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it, so if Death thinks he's the one to choose the time of my going, he's very much mistaken. I'll die when I choose the time, and no suicide, either. It's our will to live keeps us kicking, Ralph; it isn't hard to stop if we really want to. I'm tired, and I want to stop. Very simple."

He was tired, too; not of living, exactly, but of the endless facade¹⁸, the climate, the lack of friends with common interests, himself. The room was only faintly lit by a tall kerosene¹⁹ lamp of priceless ruby²⁰ glass, and it cast transparent²¹ crimson²² shadows on Mary Carson's face, conjuring²³ out of her intractable bones something more diabolical²⁴. His feet and back ached; it was a long time since he had danced so much, though he prided himself on keeping up with whatever was the latest fad²⁵. Thirty-five years of age, a country monsignor, and as a power in the Church? Finished before he had begun. Oh, the dreams of youth! And the carelessness of youth's tongue, the hotness of youth's temper. He had not been strong enough to meet the test. But he would never make that mistake again. Never, never . . .

He moved restlessly, sighed; what was the use? The chance would not come again. Time he faced that fact squarely, time he stopped hoping and dreaming. "Do you remember my saying, Ralph, that I'd beat you, that I'd hoist²⁶ you with your own petard?"

The dry old voice snapped him out of the reverie his weariness had induced. He looked across at Mary Carson and smiled.

"Dear Mary, I never forget anything you say. What I would have done without you these past seven years I don't know. Your wit, your malice²⁷, your perception . . ."

"If I'd been younger I'd have got you in a different way, Ralph. You'll never know how I've longed to throw thirty years of my life out the window. If the Devil had come to me and offered to buy my soul for the chance to be young again, I'd have sold it in a second, and not stupidly regretted the bargain like that old idiot Faust. But no Devil. I really can't bring myself to believe in God or the Devil, you know. I've never seen a scrap²⁸ of evidence to the effect they exist. Have you?"

1 champagne   

n.香槟酒；微黄色

参考例句：

• There were two glasses of champagne on the tray.托盘里有两杯香槟酒。
• They sat there swilling champagne.他们坐在那里大喝香槟酒。

2 proceedings   

n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报

参考例句：

• He was released on bail pending committal proceedings. 他交保获释正在候审。
• to initiate legal proceedings against sb 对某人提起诉讼

3 strictly   

adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地

参考例句：

• His doctor is dieting him strictly.他的医生严格规定他的饮食。
• The guests were seated strictly in order of precedence.客人严格按照地位高低就座。

4 promptly   

adv.及时地，敏捷地

参考例句：

• He paid the money back promptly.他立即还了钱。
• She promptly seized the opportunity his absence gave her.她立即抓住了因他不在场给她创造的机会。

5 jack   

n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克

参考例句：

• I am looking for the headphone jack.我正在找寻头戴式耳机插孔。
• He lifted the car with a jack to change the flat tyre.他用千斤顶把车顶起来换下瘪轮胎。

6 attuned   

v.使协调( attune的过去式和过去分词 )；调音

参考例句：

• She wasn't yet attuned to her baby's needs. 她还没有熟悉她宝宝的需要。
• Women attuned to sensitive men found Vincent Lord attractive. 偏爱敏感男子的女人，觉得文森特·洛德具有魅力。 来自辞典例句

7 literally   

adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实

参考例句：

• He translated the passage literally.他逐字逐句地翻译这段文字。
• Sometimes she would not sit down till she was literally faint.有时候，她不走到真正要昏厥了，决不肯坐下来。

8 wilting   

萎蔫

参考例句：

• The spectators were wilting visibly in the hot sun. 看得出观众在炎热的阳光下快支撑不住了。
• The petunias were already wilting in the hot sun. 在烈日下矮牵牛花已经开始枯萎了。

9 animated   

adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的

参考例句：

• His observations gave rise to an animated and lively discussion.他的言论引起了一场气氛热烈而活跃的讨论。
• We had an animated discussion over current events last evening.昨天晚上我们热烈地讨论时事。

10 homely   

adj.家常的，简朴的；不漂亮的

参考例句：

• We had a homely meal of bread and cheese.我们吃了一顿面包加乳酪的家常便餐。
• Come and have a homely meal with us,will you?来和我们一起吃顿家常便饭，好吗？

11 thoroughly   

adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地

参考例句：

• The soil must be thoroughly turned over before planting.一定要先把土地深翻一遍再下种。
• The soldiers have been thoroughly instructed in the care of their weapons.士兵们都系统地接受过保护武器的训练。

12 oozing   

v.（浓液等）慢慢地冒出，渗出( ooze的现在分词 )；使（液体）缓缓流出；（浓液）渗出，慢慢流出

参考例句：

• Blood was oozing out of the wound on his leg. 血正从他腿上的伤口渗出来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The wound had not healed properly and was oozing pus. 伤口未真正痊瘉，还在流脓。 来自《简明英汉词典》

13 goodwill   

n.善意，亲善，信誉，声誉

参考例句：

• His heart is full of goodwill to all men.他心里对所有人都充满着爱心。
• We paid ￡10,000 for the shop,and ￡2000 for its goodwill.我们用一万英镑买下了这家商店，两千英镑买下了它的信誉。

14 condemned   

adj. 被责难的, 被宣告有罪的 动词condemn的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• He condemned the hypocrisy of those politicians who do one thing and say another. 他谴责了那些说一套做一套的政客的虚伪。
• The policy has been condemned as a regressive step. 这项政策被认为是一种倒退而受到谴责。

15 zeal   

n.热心，热情，热忱

参考例句：

• Revolutionary zeal caught them up,and they joined the army.革命热情激励他们，于是他们从军了。
• They worked with great zeal to finish the project.他们热情高涨地工作，以期完成这个项目。

16 majestic   

adj.雄伟的，壮丽的，庄严的，威严的，崇高的

参考例句：

• In the distance rose the majestic Alps.远处耸立着雄伟的阿尔卑斯山。
• He looks majestic in uniform.他穿上军装显得很威风。

17 precisely   

adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地

参考例句：

• It's precisely that sort of slick sales-talk that I mistrust.我不相信的正是那种油腔滑调的推销宣传。
• The man adjusted very precisely.那个人调得很准。

18 facade   

n.(建筑物的)正面，临街正面；外表

参考例句：

• The entrance facade consists of a large full height glass door.入口正面有一大型全高度玻璃门。
• If you look carefully,you can see through Bob's facade.如果你仔细观察，你就能看穿鲍勃的外表。

19 kerosene   

n.(kerosine)煤油，火油

参考例句：

• It is like putting out a fire with kerosene.这就像用煤油灭火。
• Instead of electricity,there were kerosene lanterns.没有电，有煤油灯。

20 ruby   

n.红宝石，红宝石色

参考例句：

• She is wearing a small ruby earring.她戴着一枚红宝石小耳环。
• On the handle of his sword sat the biggest ruby in the world.他的剑柄上镶有一颗世上最大的红宝石。

21 transparent   

adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的

参考例句：

• The water is so transparent that we can see the fishes swimming.水清澈透明，可以看到鱼儿游来游去。
• The window glass is transparent.窗玻璃是透明的。

22 crimson   

n./adj.深(绯)红色(的)；vi.脸变绯红色

参考例句：

• She went crimson with embarrassment.她羞得满脸通红。
• Maple leaves have turned crimson.枫叶已经红了。

23 conjuring   

n.魔术

参考例句：

• Paul's very good at conjuring. 保罗很会变戏法。
• The entertainer didn't fool us with his conjuring. 那个艺人变的戏法没有骗到我们。

24 diabolical   

adj.恶魔似的，凶暴的

参考例句：

• This maneuver of his is a diabolical conspiracy.他这一手是一个居心叵测的大阴谋。
• One speaker today called the plan diabolical and sinister.今天一名发言人称该计划阴险恶毒。

25 fad   

n.时尚；一时流行的狂热；一时的爱好

参考例句：

• His interest in photography is only a passing fad.他对摄影的兴趣只是一时的爱好罢了。
• A hot business opportunity is based on a long-term trend not a short-lived fad.一个热门的商机指的是长期的趋势而非一时的流行。

26 hoist   

n.升高，起重机，推动；v.升起，升高，举起

参考例句：

• By using a hoist the movers were able to sling the piano to the third floor.搬运工人用吊车才把钢琴吊到3楼。
• Hoist the Chinese flag on the flagpole,please!请在旗杆上升起中国国旗！

27 malice   

n.恶意，怨恨，蓄意；[律]预谋

参考例句：

• I detected a suggestion of malice in his remarks.我觉察出他说的话略带恶意。
• There was a strong current of malice in many of his portraits.他的许多肖像画中都透着一股强烈的怨恨。

28 scrap   

n.碎片；废料；v.废弃，报废

参考例句：

• A man comes round regularly collecting scrap.有个男人定时来收废品。
• Sell that car for scrap.把那辆汽车当残品卖了吧。