【荆棘鸟】第七章 07

 Outside it was not yet dawn, or the lightening before it. Darkness lay soft, thick and very hot over Drogheda. The revels¹ were becoming extremely noisy; if the homestead had possessed² next-door neighbors the police would have been called long since. Someone was vomiting³ copiously⁴ and revoltingly on the veranda⁵, and under a wispy⁶ bottle brush two indistinct forms were locked together. Father Ralph avoided the vomiter⁷ and the lovers, treading silently across the springy new-mown lawn with such torment⁸ in his mind he did not know or care where he was going. Only that he wanted to be away from her, the awful old spider who was convinced she was spinning her death cocoon⁹ on this exquisite¹⁰ night. At such an early hour the heat was not exhausting; there was a faint, heavy stirring in the air, and a stealing of languorous¹¹ perfumes from boronia and roses, the heavenly stillness only tropical and subtropical latitudes¹² can ever know. Oh, God, to be alive, to be really alive! To embrace the night, and living, and be free!

He stopped on the far side of the lawn and stood looking up at the sky, an instinctive¹³ aerial searching for God. Yes, up there somewhere, between the winking¹⁴ points of light so pure and unearthly; what was it about the night sky? That the blue lid of day was lifted, a man permitted glimpses of eternity¹⁵? Nothing save witnessing the strewn vista¹⁶ of the stars could convince a man that timelessness and God existed. She's right, of course. A sham¹⁷, a total sham. No priest, no man. Only someone who wishes he knew how to be either. No! Not either! Priest and man cannot coexist-to be a man is to be no priest. Why did I ever tangle¹⁸ my feet in her web? Her poison is strong, perhaps stronger than I guess. What's in the letter? How like Mary to bait me! How much does she know, how much does she simply guess? What is there to know, or guess? Only futility¹⁹, and loneliness. Doubt, pain. Always pain. Yet you're wrong, Mary. I can get it up. It's just that I don't choose to, that I've spent years proving to myself it can be controlled, dominated, subjugated²⁰. For getting it up is the activity of a man, and I am a priest.

Someone was weeping in the cemetery²¹. Meggie, of course. No one else would think of it. He picked up the skirts of his soutane and stepped over the wrought²² iron railing, feeling it was inevitable²³ that he had not yet done with Meggie on this night. If he confronted one of the women in his life, he must also deal with the other. His amused detachment was coming back; she could not disperse²⁴ that for long, the old spider. The wicked old spider. God rot her, God rot her!

"Darling Meggie, don't cry," he said, sitting on the dew-wet grass beside her. "Here, I'll bet you don't have a decent handkerchief. Women never do. Take mine and dry your eyes like a good girl."

She took it and did as she was told.

"You haven't even changed out of your finery. Have you been sitting here since midnight?"

"Yes."

"Do Bob and Jack²⁵ know where you are?"

"I told them I was going to bed."

"What's the matter, Meggie?"

"You didn't speak to me tonight!"

"Ali! I thought that might be it. Come, Meggie, look at me!" Away in the east was a pearly luster²⁶, a fleeing of total darkness, and the Drogheda roosters were shrieking²⁷ an early welcome to the dawn. So he could see that not even protracted²⁸ tears could dim the loveliness of her eyes. "Meggie, you were by far the prettiest girl at the party, and it's well known that I come to Drogheda more often than I need. I am a priest and therefore I ought to be above suspicion-a bit like Caesar's wife comb I'm afraid people don't think so purely²⁹. As priests go I'm young, and not bad-looking." He paused to think how Mary Carson would have greeted that bit of understatement, and laughed soundlessly. "If I had paid you a skerrick of attention it would have been all over Gilly in record time. Every party line in the district would have been buzzing with it. Do you know what I mean?" She shook her head; the cropped curls were growing brighter in the advancing light.

"Well, you're young to come to knowledge of the ways of the world, but you've got to learn, and it always seems to be my province to teach you, doesn't it? I mean people would be saying I was interested in you as a man, not as a priest."

"Father!"

"Dreadful, isn't it?" He smiled. "But that's what people would say, I assure you. You see, Meggie, you're not a little girl anymore, you're a young lady. But you haven't learned yet to hide your affection for me, so had I stopped to speak to you with all those people looking on, you'd have stared at me in a way which might have been misconstrued."

She was looking at him oddly, a sudden inscrutability shuttering her gaze, then abruptly³⁰ she turned her head and presented him with her profile. "Yes, I see. I was silly not to have seen it."

"Now don't you think it's time you went home? No doubt everyone will sleep in, but if someone's awake at the usual time you'll be in the soup. And you can't say you've been with me, Meggie, even to your own family." She got up and stood staring down at him. "I'm going, Father. But I wish they knew you better, then they'd never think such things of you. It isn't in you, is it?"

 

庄园的外面还没有透出曙色，没有一点亮光。夜色柔和，黑暗沉沉，炎炎暑热笼罩着德罗海达。这场狂欢达到了极其喧闹的地步，如果这座庄园有领居的话，那警察就会因此而登门了。有人在廊檐下兜心翻腹地呕吐着；一片灌木丛膝朦胧影下，两个模模糊糊的身影紧紧地拥在一起。拉尔夫神父避开了呕吐者和那对情人，踏着松软的、刚刚修剪过的草坪悄然无声地走着。他的心头十分烦乱，不知道也不在意他在向什么地方走去。他只是想离开她，那个可怕的老蜘蛛坚信她在这美好的夜晚正在织着自己的死亡之茧。已经是凌晨时分了，热气依然未消敞，微风沉闷地拂过，芸香和玫瑰花丛悄然地散发出一股令人倦怠的香气；这种天地间的寂静只有在热带或亚热带地区才能领略得到。哦，上帝啊，显显灵吧，快显显灵吧！拥抱这黑夜，拥抱生活，无拘无束地拥抱吧！

　　他在草坪的远处停住了脚步，站在那里仰望着天空，在一种本能的冥想中寻找着上帝。是的，就在天上的某个地方，在那星光闪烁的地方，是多么纯洁，多么神秘啊。漫漫夜空中到底有什么呢？白昼的蓝色天穹正在升起，一个人能看到永恒的闪光吗？除了目睹那远远地缀在天幕之上的繁星，没有什么东西能使人确信时间的无穷和上帝的存在。

　　当然，她是对的。这是一种虚伪，完全是一种虚伪。既不做一个男人，也不做一个教士。他只想做一个兼有二者的人。不！不会二者兼得的！教士和男人不能同时并存--要做男人就不能做教士。我为什么一度被她的网缠住了呢？她有强大的地位，也许比我猜想的还要强大。那封信里写的是什么？玛丽是多么愿意引诱我啊！她了解多少情况？她能直截了当地猜到多少情况？而又有什么东西值得去了解，或去拈测呢？她完全是枉费心机。是孤独寂寞使她变得疑心重重，痛苦难当，使她心中始终充满痛苦。可是你错了，玛丽。我可以产生那种感情。但是，我偏偏不愿意选择这种做法；多年来，我已向自己证明这是能够加以控制、压抑和克服的。因为唤起那种感情是一个男人的行为，而我是个教士。

　　有人正在墓地里哭泣。当然，这是梅吉。其他任何人都不会愿到这种地方的。他提起法衣的下摆，迈过了锻铁横栏，觉得今天晚上不把梅吉对付过去是不行的。假如他在生活中曾勇敢地面对着一个女人的话，那么他也必须同样对待另一个女人。他那可笑的超然公正又回到他身上了；那个老蜘蛛，她的毒汁的作用是不会长久的。上帝惩罚她吧，上帝惩罚她吧！

　　"亲爱的梅吉，别哭了。"他说着，在她身边被露水打湿的草地上坐了下来。"喂，我敢打赌，你连一块像样的手绢都没有。女人总是这样的。把我的拿去吧，把眼泪擦干，要象个姑娘。"

　　她把手绢接了过去，按照他的话擦着眼睛。

　　"你这身漂亮的衣服还没有换呐。你从半夜就坐在这儿了吗？"

　　"是的。"

　　"鲍勃和杰克他们知道你在这儿吗？"

　　"我告诉他们，我去睡觉了。"

　　"怎么回事，梅吉？"

　　"今天晚上你没有跟我讲话！"

　　"啊！我想也许是这么回事吧。喂，梅吉，望着我！"

　　东方透出了鱼肚白，揭开了沉沉的夜幕，德罗海达的雄鸡高啼着，迎来了熹微的徐明。于是，他看清了，即使是涟涟的泪水也无法掩住她那眼睛的秀美。

　　"梅吉，你是宴会中最漂亮动人的姑娘，而且大家都知道，我到德罗海达来得太勤了。我是个教士，因此我应该避嫌。不过，我怕人们的想法并不那么纯洁。从教士的情况来看，我算年轻的，长得也不难看。"他顿了一下，想着玛丽·卡森会怎样欢迎这种略有些克制的说法，他无声地笑了。"要是我对你献一点儿殷勤。刹那间便会传遍整个基里。这个地区的每一条电话线里都会传播着这件事。你明白我的意思吗？"

　　她摇了摇头；那头剪短的卷发在渐渐变亮的光线中显得列鲜明了。

　　"唔，要了解纷坛之事你还太年轻啊。可是你必须学会去了解，教导你好象总是我的本份，对吗？我的意思是，人们将会说我不是作为一个教士，而是作为一个男人对你发生兴趣的。"

　　"神父！"

　　"很可怕，是吗？"他微微一笑。"可是，我可以向你担保，这就是人们会讲的话。你知道，梅吉，你再也不是一个小姑娘，而是个年轻女郎了。但是，你还没有学会掩饰你对我的注意力，所以，我只好在众目睽睽之下不和你说话。你是用一种也许会被人曲解的眼神盯着我的。"

　　她用一种古怪的眼光看着他，她的凝视中蓦然升起一种令人费解的表情。随后，她猛地转过头去，侧着脸对他说："是的，我明白了。我没有明白这一点真是太笨了。"

　　"你不认为现在到回家的时候了吗？毫无疑问，每个人都会睡过头的，可是，假如有人象往常那样醒来，你可就说不清、道不白了。你不能说你是和我在一起的，梅吉，就连你的家里人也不能说。"

　　她站了起来，低头看着他。"我走了，神父。我希望他们能更了解你，这样就决不会认为你有那种事了。你没有那种事，对吗？"

1 revels   

n.作乐( revel的名词复数 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉v.作乐( revel的第三人称单数 )；狂欢；着迷；陶醉

参考例句：

• Christmas revels with feasting and dancing were common in England. 圣诞节的狂欢歌舞在英国是很常见的。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• Dickens openly revels in the book's rich physical detail and high-hearted conflict. 狄更斯对该书中丰富多彩的具体细节描写和勇敢的争斗公开表示欣赏。 来自辞典例句

2 possessed   

adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的

参考例句：

• He flew out of the room like a man possessed.他像着了魔似地猛然冲出房门。
• He behaved like someone possessed.他行为举止像是魔怔了。

3 vomiting   

吐

参考例句：

• Symptoms include diarrhoea and vomiting. 症状有腹泻和呕吐。
• Especially when I feel seasick, I can't stand watching someone else vomiting." 尤其晕船的时候，看不得人家呕。”

4 copiously   

adv.丰富地，充裕地

参考例句：

• She leant forward and vomited copiously on the floor. 她向前一俯，哇的一声吐了一地。 来自英汉文学
• This well-organized, unified course copiously illustrated, amply cross-referenced, and fully indexed. 这条组织完善，统一的课程丰富地被说明，丰富地被相互参照和充分地被标注。 来自互联网

5 veranda   

n.走廊；阳台

参考例句：

• She sat in the shade on the veranda.她坐在阳台上的遮荫处。
• They were strolling up and down the veranda.他们在走廊上来回徜徉。

6 wispy   

adj.模糊的；纤细的

参考例句：

• Grey wispy hair straggled down to her shoulders.稀疏的灰白头发披散在她肩头。
• The half moon is hidden behind some wispy clouds.半轮月亮躲在淡淡的云彩之后。

7 vomiter   

呕吐的人

参考例句：

8 torment   

n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠

参考例句：

• He has never suffered the torment of rejection.他从未经受过遭人拒绝的痛苦。
• Now nothing aggravates me more than when people torment each other.没有什么东西比人们的互相折磨更使我愤怒。

9 cocoon   

n.茧

参考例句：

• A cocoon is a kind of silk covering made by an insect.蚕茧是由昆虫制造的一种由丝组成的外包层。
• The beautiful butterfly emerged from the cocoon.美丽的蝴蝶自茧中出现。

10 exquisite   

adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的

参考例句：

• I was admiring the exquisite workmanship in the mosaic.我当时正在欣赏镶嵌画的精致做工。
• I still remember the exquisite pleasure I experienced in Bali.我依然记得在巴厘岛所经历的那种剧烈的快感。

11 languorous   

adj.怠惰的，没精打采的

参考例句：

• For two days he was languorous and esteemed. 两天来，他因身体衰弱无力，受到尊重。 来自辞典例句
• Some one says Fuzhou is a languorous and idle city. 有人说，福州是一个慵懒闲淡的城市。 来自互联网

12 latitudes   

纬度

参考例句：

• Latitudes are the lines that go from east to west. 纬线是从东到西的线。
• It was the brief Indian Summer of the high latitudes. 这是高纬度地方的那种短暂的晚秋。

13 instinctive   

adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的

参考例句：

• He tried to conceal his instinctive revulsion at the idea.他试图饰盖自己对这一想法本能的厌恶。
• Animals have an instinctive fear of fire.动物本能地怕火。

14 winking   

n.瞬眼，目语v.使眼色( wink的现在分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮

参考例句：

• Anyone can do it; it's as easy as winking. 这谁都办得到，简直易如反掌。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• The stars were winking in the clear sky. 星星在明亮的天空中闪烁。 来自《简明英汉词典》

15 eternity   

n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷

参考例句：

• The dull play seemed to last an eternity.这场乏味的剧似乎演个没完没了。
• Finally,Ying Tai and Shan Bo could be together for all of eternity.英台和山伯终能双宿双飞，永世相随。

16 vista   

n.远景，深景，展望，回想

参考例句：

• From my bedroom window I looked out on a crowded vista of hills and rooftops.我从卧室窗口望去，远处尽是连绵的山峦和屋顶。
• These uprisings come from desperation and a vista of a future without hope.发生这些暴动是因为人们被逼上了绝路，未来看不到一点儿希望。

17 sham   

n./adj.假冒(的)，虚伪(的)

参考例句：

• They cunningly played the game of sham peace.他们狡滑地玩弄假和平的把戏。
• His love was a mere sham.他的爱情是虚假的。

18 tangle   

n.纠缠；缠结；混乱；v.(使)缠绕；变乱

参考例句：

• I shouldn't tangle with Peter.He is bigger than me.我不应该与彼特吵架。他的块头比我大。
• If I were you, I wouldn't tangle with them.我要是你，我就不跟他们争吵。

19 futility   

n.无用

参考例句：

• She could see the utter futility of trying to protest. 她明白抗议是完全无用的。
• The sheer futility of it all exasperates her. 它毫无用处，这让她很生气。

20 subjugated   

v.征服，降伏( subjugate的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The prince had appeared and subjugated the poor little handmaid. 王子出现了，这使穷苦的小丫头不胜仰慕。 来自辞典例句
• As we know, rule over subjugated peoples is incompatible with the gentile constitution. 我们知道，对被征服者的统治，是和氏族制度不相容的。 来自英汉非文学 - 家庭、私有制和国家的起源

21 cemetery   

n.坟墓，墓地，坟场

参考例句：

• He was buried in the cemetery.他被葬在公墓。
• His remains were interred in the cemetery.他的遗体葬在墓地。

22 wrought   

v.引起；以…原料制作；运转；adj.制造的

参考例句：

• Events in Paris wrought a change in British opinion towards France and Germany.巴黎发生的事件改变了英国对法国和德国的看法。
• It's a walking stick with a gold head wrought in the form of a flower.那是一个金质花形包头的拐杖。

23 inevitable   

adj.不可避免的，必然发生的

参考例句：

• Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
• The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。

24 disperse   

vi.使分散；使消失；vt.分散；驱散

参考例句：

• The cattle were swinging their tails to disperse the flies.那些牛甩动着尾巴驱赶苍蝇。
• The children disperse for the holidays.孩子们放假了。

25 jack   

n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克

参考例句：

• I am looking for the headphone jack.我正在找寻头戴式耳机插孔。
• He lifted the car with a jack to change the flat tyre.他用千斤顶把车顶起来换下瘪轮胎。

26 luster   

n.光辉；光泽，光亮；荣誉

参考例句：

• His great books have added luster to the university where he teaches.他的巨著给他任教的大学增了光。
• Mercerization enhances dyeability and luster of cotton materials.丝光处理扩大棉纤维的染色能力，增加纤维的光泽。

27 shrieking   

v.尖叫( shriek的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• The boxers were goaded on by the shrieking crowd. 拳击运动员听见观众的喊叫就来劲儿了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• They were all shrieking with laughter. 他们都发出了尖锐的笑声。 来自《简明英汉词典》

28 protracted   

adj.拖延的；延长的v.拖延“protract”的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• The war was protracted for four years. 战争拖延了四年。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• We won victory through protracted struggle. 经过长期的斗争，我们取得了胜利。 来自《简明英汉词典》

29 purely   

adv.纯粹地，完全地

参考例句：

• I helped him purely and simply out of friendship.我帮他纯粹是出于友情。
• This disproves the theory that children are purely imitative.这证明认为儿童只会单纯地模仿的理论是站不住脚的。

30 abruptly   

adv.突然地，出其不意地

参考例句：

• He gestured abruptly for Virginia to get in the car.他粗鲁地示意弗吉尼亚上车。
• I was abruptly notified that a half-hour speech was expected of me.我突然被通知要讲半个小时的话。