词汇大师(Wordmaster)--Small Talk

AA:   I'm Avi Arditti with Rosanne Skirble, and this week on Wordmaster: a conversation about small talk.

RS:   Our guest is Debra Fine, author of a new book called "The Fine Art of Small Talk."

DEBRA FINE: "It is not the business conversation, not the business discussion, but it is that appetizer¹ that helps develop into something more connected. So sometimes here in the United States you can start a conversation with someone strictly² business. But if you intend to grow that into a business friendship, you need to develop that relationship, and the only way to do that is with small talk. And that's what makes it so important here in the United States."

RS: "So what is small talk -- how would you define³ that?"

DEBRA FINE: "I would define it, Rosanne, as a picture frame around every business conversation. For business that's how I would define it."

RS: "OK, that's business, but it could be more ... "

AA: "Right, I mean, I'm looking at your book here, you say starting with a statement like 'What a beautiful day. What's your favorite season of the year?' Or 'I was truly touched by that movie. How did you like it?' Or, let's see, 'What a great conference! Tell me about the sessions you attended.'"

DEBRA FINE: "Right."

AA: "What are some other examples of small talk?"

DEBRA FINE: "Well, the examples you just cited⁴ are showing an interest in other people, taking the risk of being the first to speak, the first to say hello, and then showing an interest. And all those examples you just cited use open-ended questions: tell me, describe for me, what was that like for you, what do you know about this, how did you come up with that idea?

"I might say to someone from a different country than myself or a different culture: 'Tell me about a favorite tradition' or 'Tell me what you enjoy most about visiting here in the Washington, D.C., area?' So the key is to use open-ended questions and to show an interest in others.

"If you are unwilling⁵ to talk to me, there is no perfect way to start a conversation because you will reject me no matter what. And that's what we all need to learn is that it is up to us to take the risk of starting a conversation, but to not take it personally if someone just gives us a one-word answer or doesn't help us along in the conversation. It may mean that they have other things on their mind or they're there to meet someone else. Move on to another individual in your party or at this event or at the meeting or conference."

RS: "So you're establishing a connection, a relationship."

DEBRA FINE: "That's the goal."

RS: "Moving on, we've started this conversation even though we didn't think we had anything to say, and now we're to a point where there's like some awkwardness⁷ in it. How do you get beyond that, or maybe what we would call a pregnant⁸ pause, which is a long pause in the conversation?"

DEBRA FINE: "First and foremost⁹, always be prepared. Before I walk into a situation where I don't know people intimately, I come up with two to three things to talk about. It may be related to the event: 'What got you involved with this charity?' It may be related to current events: 'What do you think of this new Supreme¹⁰ Court nominee¹¹?'

"Now, I am prepared that people don't all read the newspapers or listen to the radio, so I will say: 'Have you heard about this new Supreme Court nominee of President Bush's?' 'No, I don't even know what you're talking about, Debra.' 'Well let me fill you in ...' and then ask what their thoughts are about that.

"But be prepared with two to three things to talk about. And if you've ever met with this person before, review in your mind what you know about them before you enter the restaurant, before you go to the party, before you attend the conference, so that when there is that awkward⁶ moment, pregnant pause, the worst time to think of something to talk about is when there is absolutely nothing to talk about."

AA: "Now let's talk a little bit more about in American society, what are some lines of small talk to just, you know, completely avoid?"

DEBRA FINE: "Well, I number one don't think it's appropriate to ever say to someone 'are you married?' Because if they say no, where is this conversation headed? Don't ask someone 'do you have any kids?' because, once again, what if they say no?

"I think it is OK when you're waiting for the check, when you're on a date, to say 'tell me about your family.' That's a big question. People can respond any way they like. 'I have a brother in Cincinnati and my folks still live in Ohio as well.' It wasn't pinning them down to 'are you married?'

"Also, don't ask someone 'how's your job at Boeing?' or 'how's your job at I.B.M.?' because what if they lost their job? A better question is 'what's been going on with work?' [or] 'what's been happening with work since the last time I saw you?' So those are some ways to make sure you don't put someone else in an awkward spot."

RS:   Debra Fine is a former engineer in Colorado who became interested in small talk as a way to overcome her own social awkwardness. Now she is a motivational speaker and trainer, and has written a book, "The Fine Art of Small Talk."

AA:   And that's Wordmaster for this week. Our e-mail address is............and our segments¹² are all posted online at voanews.com/wordmaster.

 

1 appetizer   

n.小吃，开胃品

参考例句：

• We served some crackers and cheese as an appetizer.我们上了些饼干和奶酪作为开胃品。
• I would like a cucumber salad for an appetizer.我要一份黄瓜沙拉作开胃菜。

2 strictly   

adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地

参考例句：

• His doctor is dieting him strictly.他的医生严格规定他的饮食。
• The guests were seated strictly in order of precedence.客人严格按照地位高低就座。

3 define   

vt.解释，下定义，阐述，限定，规定

参考例句：

• Please define the words.请解释这些字的意义。
• It's hard to define exactly what has changed.很难解释清楚到底发生了什么变化。

4 cited   

引用( cite的过去式和过去分词 )； 传唤； 记起； [军事]传（或通）令嘉奖

参考例句：

• He cited his heavy workload as the reason for his breakdown. 他说繁重的工作负荷是导致他累垮的原因。
• The medical corps were cited for bravery in combat. 医疗队由于在战场上的英勇表现而受嘉奖。

5 unwilling   

adj.不情愿的

参考例句：

• The natives were unwilling to be bent by colonial power.土著居民不愿受殖民势力的摆布。
• His tightfisted employer was unwilling to give him a raise.他那吝啬的雇主不肯给他加薪。

6 awkward   

adj.笨拙的，尴尬的，使用不便的，难处理的

参考例句：

• John is so shy and awkward that everyone notices him.约翰如此害羞狼狈，以至于大家都注意到了他。
• I was the only man among the guests and felt rather awkward.作为客人中的唯一男性，我有些窘迫。

7 awkwardness   

n.笨拙；粗劣；难为情；尴尬

参考例句：

• His awkwardness made him fumble with the key. 由于尴尬不安，他拿钥匙开锁时显得笨手笨脚。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I tried to smooth over the awkwardness of this first meeting. 我试图掩饰初次会面时的不自然。 来自辞典例句

8 pregnant   

adj.怀孕的，怀胎的

参考例句：

• She is a pregnant woman.她是一名孕妇。
• She is pregnant with her first child.她怀了第一胎。

9 foremost   

adj.最初的，最前的，第一流的；adv.在最前

参考例句：

• He is considered the foremost British artist of this century.他被认为是本世纪英国第一流的艺术家。
• The premier occupies the foremost place in the world of politics.首相是政界的首要人物。

10 supreme   

adj.极度的，最重要的；至高的，最高的

参考例句：

• It was the supreme moment in his life.那是他一生中最重要的时刻。
• He handed up the indictment to the supreme court.他把起诉书送交最高法院。

11 nominee   

n.被提名者；被任命者；被推荐者

参考例句：

• His nominee for vice president was elected only after a second ballot.他提名的副总统在两轮投票后才当选。
• Mr.Francisco is standing as the official nominee for the post of District Secretary.弗朗西斯科先生是行政书记职位的正式提名人。

12 segments   

部分( segment的名词复数 )； 瓣； [计算机]（字符等的）分段； [动物学]节片

参考例句：

• He is eating oranges in segments. 他正在一瓣瓣地吃橘子。
• Gene cloning provides a means of purifying and propagating specific DNA segments. 基因克隆化提供了一种纯化和扩增特定DNA片段的方法。