西部落：你会驯夫吗？

Donna Brown and Julie Bell are the wives that kicked their husbands out of their house for a year. They're also the authors of The Scorecard: How To Fix Your Man in One Year or Less. And Jeff Gardere is a psychologist. Good morning to all of you!

Good morning!

Good morning!

So, OK, so you guys decided¹ to kick your husbands out of the house for a year. Did they go willingly?

Er, at that point, they did.

Why?

I think that we had gotten to a point in our relationship where things were so broken that we felt rather hopeless and didn't know how we were gonna move forward in any other way.

Now Julie, you kicked your husband Phil out of the house 'cause you were the only one working, and, and he spent his nights out drinking and, so, why, why did you decide you could save this thing?

So, so we actually did not kick our husbands out as, as a form of negotiation². We kicked our husbands out because we didn't think it was repairable, and it was in that absence of having them in, in the home with us that we were, we were able to really separate ourselves from it.

So you didn't think they, they were coming back?

That's right.

Right.

You said: Bomb out, (That's right.)and then in the, in hindsight you think that was the best thing you could do.

Absolutely.

I think it was the only thing that we could do because until we started thinking with a level of clarity³ about what we wanted and what we needed, which is sort of the starting place for the Scorecard. We were really unable to separate what was going on from a real plan to move forward.

So in a sense you are saying you were willing to go all the way in that.(That's right.) You didn't , you were thinking they weren't coming back anyway. So you will start from a zero balance sheet.

That's right.

Exactly.

Exactly.

Alright, Jeff, is, is this a good plan for people to do it?

I think in this particular case, it was a good plan, because sometimes men or, or, or a woman in that case. They are unable to change unless they feel they are about to lose everything. But I caution⁴ folks if you are gonna kick your guy to the curb⁵, do it only if it's a situation that's er not repairable. As in this particular case or there're issues of domestic⁶ violence or drug abuse⁷ or incest, where there is danger to the family.

OK. Let's say there're none of those issues. Can you change somebody?

I think you can change someone, but you have to be willing as you heard in some of the interviews, you have to be willing to make some changes yourself, and if your guy sees that you're willing to do that, then that is, I think, the impetus⁸ for you to make some changes.

You got some tips: Identify the specific problems.

Exactly. If you don't do that right away, you kind of wallow into er, what the problems are. And then you kind of just lose focus. So it's important to know exactly what needs to be changed.

And determine the cause of the negative behavior?

Too often we think that our guys are just bad, or they just want to sabotage¹⁰ our relationships. In fact there are root problems, ur, root causes to many of these problems and sometimes you may need some professional help.

And something that both of you were willing to accept part of your responsibility for the dysfunction in, in the relationship.

Exactly. I think that when you are in it, it's hard to see clearly and one of the things that er, Dave talked about in the earlier segment¹¹ was that we had really stopped communicating over time. It just, it was so broken that we were. And you know, even for me, who considers herself to be a pretty good communicator, we were not communicating effectively.

And you also feel Jeff you should enter into a quid pro⁹ quo informal contract. What do you mean about that?

Yeah. Like if you do for me, I will do for you. In other words, you make some changes, I'll take a look at where I need to make some changes. Let's come up with some group decisions and what that gives us the most important thing about our relationship, is about compromise¹². (That's right.)And, yes, in compromise, change is good. And that's one of the things that these ladies talk about in their book, that I read by the way.

So, so you say your husband change, did you guys change, too?

Absolutely. I think that one, one great example is in communication that, you know when I was going to work, I was putting my best foot forward at, at the office but not at home and I was treating my co-workers better than I treat my spouse¹³. And that's just one of the small tips that we have in the book, we have changed.

One of our golden rules.

All right. Well, the book is called The Scorecard(That's right.): How To Fix Your Man in One Year or Less. Donna Brown, Julie Bell, Jeff Gardere, thanks so much for being with us and good advice.

Thanks so much Al Roker.

Thank you Al.

1 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

2 negotiation   

n.谈判，协商

参考例句：

• They closed the deal in sugar after a week of negotiation.经过一星期的谈判，他们的食糖生意成交了。
• The negotiation dragged on until July.谈判一直拖到7月份。

3 clarity   

n.清澈，透明，明晰

参考例句：

• His writing has great clarity of style.他的写作风格清晰易懂。
• Mozart's music is characterized by its naivety and clarity.莫扎特的音乐特色是纯朴兴清澈。

4 caution   

n.小心，谨慎，警告；vt.告诫，警告

参考例句：

• You should exercise extreme caution when driving in fog.在雾中开车要极为小心。
• There is no need for such caution.不必如此小心谨慎。

5 curb   

n.场外证券市场，场外交易；vt.制止，抑制

参考例句：

• I could not curb my anger.我按捺不住我的愤怒。
• You must curb your daughter when you are in church.你在教堂时必须管住你的女儿。

6 domestic   

adj.家里的，国内的，本国的；n.家仆，佣人

参考例句：

• This is domestic news.这是国内新闻。
• She does the domestic affairs every day.她每天都忙家务。

7 abuse   

vt.滥用；辱骂；诋毁；n.滥用；恶习；弊端

参考例句：

• You can't make personal abuse on her.你不可对她进行人身攻击。
• She screamed abuse at me.她尖声责备我。

8 impetus   

n.推动，促进，刺激；推动力

参考例句：

• This is the primary impetus behind the economic recovery.这是促使经济复苏的主要动力。
• Her speech gave an impetus to my ideas.她的讲话激发了我的思绪。

9 pro   

n.赞成，赞成的意见，赞成者

参考例句：

• The two debating teams argued the question pro and con.辩论的两组从赞成与反对两方面辩这一问题。
• Are you pro or con nuclear disarmament?你是赞成还是反对核裁军？

10 sabotage   

n.怠工，破坏活动，破坏；v.从事破坏活动，妨害，破坏

参考例句：

• They tried to sabotage my birthday party.他们企图破坏我的生日晚会。
• The fire at the factory was caused by sabotage.那家工厂的火灾是有人蓄意破坏引起的。

11 segment   

n.切片，部分，段，节

参考例句：

• The company dominates this segment of the market.这家公司控制着这一部分市场。
• Give me a segment of a tangerine to taste.给我一瓣柑橘尝一尝。

12 compromise   

n.妥协；妥协方案；vt.损害；vi.妥协，让步

参考例句：

• The spokesman made it clear that no compromise was yet in sight.发言人表明，目前还不会妥协。
• The probable outcome of the talks is a compromise.会谈的结果很可能是妥协。

13 spouse   

n.配偶(指夫或妻)

参考例句：

• Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
• What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？