-
(单词翻译:双击或拖选)
Good morning. Oh, what a day. What a lovely day. It’s a pleasure to be addressing the Wake Forest graduating Class of 2015. I want to start by thanking the administration and the Trustees for inviting1 me to speak. I want to thank them for giving me an honorary Doctorate2 of Humanities. I’m a huge fan of humans. And I have to thank them for this thing around my neck. There’s nothing you want on a chilly3 day like today than a nice scarf.
I especially want to thank the University president, Nathan O. Hatch, known to you as Nate Dawg, Natty4 O, the Hatchet5, Hatch Adam, Sen. Orrin Hatch, Angel Dust. And I only made a couple of those up.
Of course, we mustn’t forget the parents, who, to get you students to this day, have sacrificed so many things, primarily money. I’m sure there are other things they’ve sacrificed, but I’m gonna guess that money’s the one they bring up most often.
Most importantly, congratulations to you, the Class of 2015. You did it.
And you look amazing. Although it’s a little embarrassing you all showed up in the same outfit6. Really. Even all the accessories are the same. Everyone has a black and gold tassel7. Or, is it blue and white? Grandparents, just know this was the issue that divided a generation. You had the Vietnam War. Your grandchildren had an ambiguously colored Tumblr post.
I am so proud to be your Commencement speaker today, cause I know I am following in some impressive footsteps. Last year, you heard from New York Times Executive Editor Jill Abramson, who, unfortunately, lost her job just five days before her speech. Is there something you know about my new job that I don’t? Please. Just tell me. I really need that money. I have kids in college.
Of course for you grads, the future is a dark chasm9 of yawning uncertainty10. But don’t worry. You don’t have to face the future for like two hours — first brunch11 then yawning uncertainty. But for now, you are still nestled in the beautiful, comforting bosom12 of Wake Forest.
There’s an interesting story about how this institution came to be. The father of Wake Forest, Samuel Wait, was trying to raise money for a different school, but during his travels his horse ran off, and he became stranded13 nearby. So the locals asked him to lead their new university. It was a simpler time. Back then, they just handed out universities to whoever’s horse had run off most recently. This man has no control over his animals? Surely, he has something to teach us all.
Of course, Wake Forest or Wack Fo as I’ve been asked by Provost Kersh not to call it, wasn’t always the purely14 academic institution it is today. It was founded as the seductively named Wake Forest Manual Labor15 Institute. And students spent half their day toiling17 in the fields. The first class had just 16 students, one of them just 12 years old. But, he was a prodigy18. He could haul sacks of grain at a college level.
Back then, of course, if you didn’t get into the Wake Forest Manual Labor Institute, you could always settle for the North Carolina Crushing Toil16 Academy, which now, of course, is known as UNC.
Wake Forest has always been a leader. In the late 19th century, this was among the first Southern schools to teach biology in a lab. Before then, you weren’t supposed to learn biology until marriage.
In 1962, Wake Forest had the proud distinction of being the South’s first major private school to integrate. And, yes…they’ve kept it up. All right. Good. Good. You don’t know these days. You don’t know.
Even now, Wake Forest is a trailblazer. You were America’s first top 30 school to make standardized19 testing optional. The implications are huge. Consider this: In a group of 30 applicants20, where 15 took the SATs, 10 took the ACTs and five took no test, calculate the ratio between…actually, forget it. You all didn’t have to know any of that stuff.
Still, while Wake has been a trailblazer, this is a school that respects tradition. Traditions like rolling the Quad21 with toilet paper after big wins. And this is actually an eco-friendly tradition because, looking at this season’s win-loss record, you guys saved a lot of paper.
Let me win you back. Duke sucks.
I do want to say one thing that I love about rolling the Quad. It really sticks it to the trees. I mean, covering a tree with the processed pulp22 of its relatives? That sends a harsh message. That’s like throwing wallets at an alligator23 or flinging piano keys at an elephant.
Speaking of the Quad. Streaking24. Is anyone here naked under their robes? No? Just me. Ok. You are the rare school that not only streaks25 your Quad; you also have a 24-hour live webcam pointed26 at it. Come on. Naked on a webcam, really? You young people know that’s wrong. Those are the kind of pictures you’re supposed to Snapchat to each other.
You people also have campus traditions that are people. I want to give a shout out to Mr. Dean Shore, the University barber. There he is. Right there. Dean actually contacted me first by sending me a Facebook request the minute my plane landed. He is a friend to so many students, and a real throwback to a simpler time because when your biggest local celebrity27 is a barber, you’re basically a medieval village.
But of all the local celebrities28, none is more famous than your mascot29, the Demon30 Deacon. Everybody loves the Deacon. When he rides out on his motorcycle during basketball games, the crowd erupts with a madness that can come only from the passion of true fans or from inhaling31 motorcycle fumes32 in an enclosed space.
Clearly, Wake Forest has come a long way since it was a labor school founded by a horseless drifter. But as great as Wake Forest is, Wake is your past now. It is my responsibility as a commencement speaker to prepare you for what awaits you in the future.
Here it is: No one has any idea what’s going to happen. Not even Elon Musk33. That’s why he’s building those rockets. He wants a ‘Plan B’ on another world.
But whatever happens, I think it’s entirely34 appropriate that I’m the one talking to you right now. Because I just spent many years learning to do one thing really well. I got so comfortable with that place, that role, those responsibilities that it came to define how I saw myself. But now that part of my life is over. It’s time to say goodbye to the person we’ve become, we’ve worked so hard to perfect, and to make some crucial decisions about who we’re going to be. For me, I’ll have to figure out how to do an hour-long show every night. And you, at some point, will have to sleep. I am told the Adderall wears off eventually. Good luck.
But this uncertainty is not new to your generation. The future is always uncertain. The only thing we can be sure will happen in 2016 is that we’ll elect a new president. And that between now and then, about this many people will run as the Republican nominee35.
Yes, you are graduating into an election year, which is the technical term for “two years before an election.” A lot of candidates will be vying36 for your attention, and you will perform the ultimate civic37 duty: deciding for whom you will swipe left and for whom you will swipe right. Because I think we’re voting on Tinder now. At least the Republicans are. Democrats38 might be voting on Grindr. I don’t know.
And with all these people appealing to you, you’re going to have to learn pretty damn quick how to tell the difference between hype and substance. So to keep folks from selling you things and ideas that aren’t true, you will need a well calibrated39 BS detector40. And luckily, I’m selling them today for the low, low price of just $89.95. Order now and I’ll include an anti-flim-flam travel case. That’s Stephen Colbert’s BS detector. If you buy it, that means you needed it.
And if there’s one thing you need even more, it’s your own set of standards. It may seem counterintuitive now, but once you leave here, you may miss being graded on all your work. Because when you’re out of school, there are no objective criteria41 for achievement anymore.
People my age will sometimes say to you, “Hey, that work you did, that thing you said, that cause you championed, it’s not good.” Well, having your own standards will help you weather moments like that. Having your own standards allows you to perceive success where others may see failure.
I’m reminded of one famous inventor who was ridiculed42 for his dream. But flash forward 15 years to the day. And do we or do we not now all ride Segways to work? We do not, but they are featured prominently in the movie Paul Blart: Mall Cop. That’s good, too.
Here’s another example. Over the years, I have given my work a lot of thought. I have my own standard for success now. I have a pretty good idea of what jokes will get laughs and a pretty good idea of what jokes may be iffy. But I’m going to say them anyway because I kind of like how iffy they are. Those who have watched my show over the years know I have made that decision many times. But having my own standards is why I could keep going at times when no one laughed or when I thought the person I was interviewing might throw a punch at me. It’s also why the epitaph on my tombstone will probably read, “Well, I thought it was funny.”
Of course, any standards worth having will be a challenge to meet. And most of the time, you will fall short. But what is nice about having your own set of standards is that from now on, you fill out your own report card. So do yourself a favor: Be an easy grader. Score yourself on a curve. Give yourself extra credit. You have the power. You are your own professor now. Which I know is a little creepy because that means you’re showering with your professor. But you have tenure43. They can’t fire you.
So I hope you find the courage to decide for yourself what is right and what is wrong. And then, please expect as much of the world around you. Try to make the world good according to your standards. It won’t be easy. Get ready for my generation to tell you everything that can’t be done — like ending racial tension, or getting money out of politics, or lowering the world’s carbon emissions44. And we should know they can’t be done. After all, we’re the ones who didn’t do them.
Your job, Pro8 Humanitate, is to prove us wrong. Because if you don’t prove us wrong, then forget everything I’ve been saying.
And instead, I’d like to leave you with a bit of wisdom I picked up from a documentary I saw this weekend: Mad Max: Fury Road. All you young people really need to succeed in the future is a reliable source of fuel and a fanatical cadre of psychopathic motorcycle killers45. May you ride eternal, shiny and chrome.
Thank you for the honor of addressing you. And congratulations again to the Wake Forest Class of 2015.
点击
收听单词发音
收听单词发音 |
1
inviting
|
|
| adj.诱人的，引人注目的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
2
doctorate
|
|
| n.(大学授予的)博士学位 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
3
chilly
|
|
| adj.凉快的，寒冷的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
4
natty
|
|
| adj.整洁的，漂亮的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
5
hatchet
|
|
| n.短柄小斧；v.扼杀 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
6
outfit
|
|
| n.（为特殊用途的）全套装备，全套服装 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
7
tassel
|
|
| n.流苏，穗；v.抽穗， （玉米）长穗须 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
8
pro
|
|
| n.赞成，赞成的意见，赞成者 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
9
chasm
|
|
| n.深坑，断层，裂口，大分岐，利害冲突 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
10
uncertainty
|
|
| n.易变，靠不住，不确知，不确定的事物 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
11
brunch
|
|
| n.早午餐 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
12
bosom
|
|
| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
13
stranded
|
|
| a.搁浅的，进退两难的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
14
purely
|
|
| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
15
labor
|
|
| n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
16
toil
|
|
| vi.辛劳工作，艰难地行动；n.苦工，难事 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
17
toiling
|
|
| 长时间或辛苦地工作( toil的现在分词 )； 艰难缓慢地移动，跋涉 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
18
prodigy
|
|
| n.惊人的事物，奇迹，神童，天才，预兆 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
19
standardized
|
|
| adj.标准化的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
20
applicants
|
|
| 申请人，求职人( applicant的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
21
quad
|
|
| n.四方院；四胞胎之一；v.在…填补空铅 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
22
pulp
|
|
| n.果肉，纸浆；v.化成纸浆，除去...果肉，制成纸浆 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
23
alligator
|
|
| n.短吻鳄(一种鳄鱼) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
24
streaking
|
|
| n.裸奔（指在公共场所裸体飞跑）v.快速移动( streak的现在分词 )；使布满条纹 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
25
streaks
|
|
| n.（与周围有所不同的）条纹( streak的名词复数 )；（通常指不好的）特征（倾向）；（不断经历成功或失败的）一段时期v.快速移动( streak的第三人称单数 )；使布满条纹 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
26
pointed
|
|
| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
27
celebrity
|
|
| n.名人，名流；著名，名声，名望 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
28
celebrities
|
|
| n.（尤指娱乐界的）名人( celebrity的名词复数 )；名流；名声；名誉 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
29
mascot
|
|
| n.福神，吉祥的东西 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
30
demon
|
|
| n.魔鬼，恶魔 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
31
inhaling
|
|
| v.吸入( inhale的现在分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
32
fumes
|
|
| n.(强烈而刺激的)气味，气体 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
33
musk
|
|
| n.麝香, 能发出麝香的各种各样的植物，香猫 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
34
entirely
|
|
| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
35
nominee
|
|
| n.被提名者；被任命者；被推荐者 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
36
vying
|
|
| adj.竞争的；比赛的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
37
civic
|
|
| adj.城市的，都市的，市民的，公民的 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
38
democrats
|
|
| n.民主主义者，民主人士( democrat的名词复数 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
39
calibrated
|
|
| v.校准( calibrate的过去式和过去分词 )；使标准化；使合标准；测量（枪的）口径 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
40
detector
|
|
| n.发觉者，探测器 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
41
criteria
|
|
| n.标准 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
42
ridiculed
|
|
| v.嘲笑，嘲弄，奚落( ridicule的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
43
tenure
|
|
| n.终身职位；任期；(土地)保有权，保有期 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
44
emissions
|
|
| 排放物( emission的名词复数 )； 散发物（尤指气体） | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
|
45
killers
|
|
| 凶手( killer的名词复数 )； 消灭…者； 致命物； 极难的事 | |
参考例句： |
|
|
|
购买
在百度中搜索