你准备好要孩子了吗？这张任务清单挑战试试

 　　Task 1. 10am: Put a just-fed, super-sleepy octopus¹ in a crib. Attempt to get all eight limbs into the small eight holes of an octopus sleeping bag. It screams, because it's a new species of screaming octopus.

　　早晨10点任务一：把刚刚喂好、困顿无比的小八爪鱼放到婴儿床里。试试看把八肢放进八爪鱼睡袋的八个洞洞里。八爪鱼惊声尖叫，因为这是爱嚎叫的新品种八爪鱼。

　　Task 2. 11am: Pick up 10kg of flour from the supermarket. Whilst carrying it, continue normal tasks, including smiling when strangers poke² your flour and ask its gender³. At two-hourly-intervals during your day, stick a pencil into the flour so it leaks out everywhere, then wash the ensuing floor mess and your clothes, re-package the flour, and carry on with the rest of your day, whilst never putting down the flour.

　　早晨11点任务二：从超市选购10公斤面粉。背面粉的时候，常规任务继续，包括陌生人戳你面粉问性别时你得微笑。白天每隔两小时，戳一支铅笔到面粉里，面粉撒漏一地，接踵而来的是衣服沾粉、满地狼藉，你着手清洗、重新装好面粉袋，接下来的时间继续忙活，但绝不能放下那袋面粉。

　　Task 3. 12pm: Wearing your best top, pour some water over both breast regions and go out for the afternoon. Every hour, add a splat of smelly thick white liquid to your top. Every meal time, ask your dining companion to throw colourful food at you, ideally staining foods.

　　12点任务三：穿上你最得体的上装，在胸前撒点水，然后下午出门在外。每小时在上衣上加一滩浓稠的白色液体。每到餐点都让饭搭子朝你扔各色食物，最好是会留下污渍的那种。

　　Task 4. 1pm: Download an app that blares out hissing⁴ sounds and place it next to a dozing⁵ time bomb. Try to shower, dry your hair, go to the loo, cook a meal, clear up your house, get ready to go out and catch up on emails in the 23 seconds the time bomb stays silent.

　　下午1点任务四：下载一个会嘶嘶作响的应用，接着旁边设置瞌睡定时。试着赶在定时炸弹安静的23秒内完成淋浴、吹头发、去洗手间、做饭、打扫房间、做出门准备、看完邮件这一系列动作。

　　Task 5. 2pm: Walk to your nearest tube station whilst pushing two heavy suitcases full of necessities for the day, with your screaming octopus strapped⁶ to your front in a Baby Bjorn. Ideally do so on a rainy day, wearing an enormous raincoat that covers you and the carrier, but which makes the octopus ANGRY.

　　下午2点任务五：走到最近的地铁站去，手里推着两个装满生活日用品的行李箱，胸前Babybjorn（来自瑞典的专业婴儿用品品牌）背带上绑着你大叫不止的八爪鱼。最好是雨天这么来，穿上大雨衣，蒙住你和大箱子，但你的小八爪鱼会抓狂。

　　Task 6. 7pm: Put an alarm clock in a crib. Pat its snooze button for two hours from 7pm so it stays hush⁷. Now have it go off every hour. Have your alarm clock finally settle down at 6.30, half an hour before your iPhone alarm will go off waking you for the day.

　　晚上7点任务六：把闹钟放到婴儿床里。从晚上7点起轻点贪睡模式按钮确保不闹。然后，每小时闹一次铃。六点半时让你的闹钟消停，也就比你的苹果手机呼唤你起床早半小时。

　　Task 7. Next day: Tell a friend about your day struggling with a wriggling⁸, screaming octopus, crazy sleep-depriving alarm clock, tempestuous⁹ time bomb, heavy lugging-about flour, ruined clothing and travel desperation.

　　第二天任务七：第二天你和朋友谈你的八爪鱼扭来扭去尖叫不止、闹钟剥夺你睡眠、定时炸弹狂暴躁动，说你和面粉拉锯、衣服尽毁、热切渴望出游。

1 octopus   

n.章鱼

参考例句：

• He experienced nausea after eating octopus.吃了章鱼后他感到恶心。
• One octopus has eight tentacles.一条章鱼有八根触角。

2 poke   

n.刺，戳，袋；vt.拨开，刺，戳；vi.戳，刺，捅，搜索，伸出，行动散慢

参考例句：

• We never thought she would poke her nose into this.想不到她会插上一手。
• Don't poke fun at me.别拿我凑趣儿。

3 gender   

n.（生理上的）性，（名词、代词等的）性

参考例句：

• French differs from English in having gender for all nouns.法语不同于英语，所有的名词都有性。
• Women are sometimes denied opportunities solely because of their gender.妇女有时仅仅因为性别而无法获得种种机会。

4 hissing   

n. 发嘶嘶声, 蔑视 动词hiss的现在分词形式

参考例句：

• The steam escaped with a loud hissing noise. 蒸汽大声地嘶嘶冒了出来。
• His ears were still hissing with the rustle of the leaves. 他耳朵里还听得萨萨萨的声音和屑索屑索的怪声。 来自汉英文学 - 春蚕

5 dozing   

v.打瞌睡,假寐 n.瞌睡

参考例句：

• The economy shows no signs of faltering. 经济没有衰退的迹象。
• He never falters in his determination. 他的决心从不动摇。

6 strapped   

adj.用皮带捆住的，用皮带装饰的；身无分文的；缺钱；手头紧v.用皮带捆扎(strap的过去式和过去分词)；用皮带抽打；包扎；给…打绷带

参考例句：

• Make sure that the child is strapped tightly into the buggy. 一定要把孩子牢牢地拴在婴儿车上。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The soldiers' great coats were strapped on their packs. 战士们的厚大衣扎捆在背包上。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 hush   

int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静

参考例句：

• A hush fell over the onlookers.旁观者们突然静了下来。
• Do hush up the scandal!不要把这丑事声张出去！

8 wriggling   

v.扭动，蠕动，蜿蜒行进( wriggle的现在分词 )；（使身体某一部位）扭动；耍滑不做，逃避（应做的事等）；蠕蠕

参考例句：

• The baby was wriggling around on my lap. 婴儿在我大腿上扭来扭去。
• Something that looks like a gray snake is wriggling out. 有一种看来象是灰蛇的东西蠕动着出来了。 来自辞典例句

9 tempestuous   

adj.狂暴的

参考例句：

• She burst into a tempestuous fit of anger.她勃然大怒。
• Dark and tempestuous was night.夜色深沉，狂风肆虐，暴雨倾盆。