父亲的拥抱

 　　Growing up at a distance – geographical¹ and emotional – from her chilly² father meant Katherine Burdett always doubted his feelings for her. Until his final few days…

　　In praise of hugs 父亲的拥抱

　　Photo: CORBIS(telegraph.co.uk)

　　By Katherine Burdett

　　I grew up bereft³ of hugs. Neither of my parents was the cuddly⁴ type. Greetings involving kissing caused me to wince⁵, and hugging generally just made me feel awkward。

　　Then one hug changed all that. One month before my 40th birthday my dad had heart surgery. As he came round, days later, he grabbed me and hugged me so hard I had to push with all my might to keep my head from pressing down on his newly stitched torso。

　　It was a hug to make up for all those we had never had. Days later as he slowly started to gain strength he told me for the first time ever that he loved me, and through my tears I told him I loved him too。

　　I began planning how to bake him better – with carrot cakes, victoria sponges, jelly and ice cream. My maternal⁶ streak⁷ kicked in and I fantasised about wheeling him through the park and feeding him home-made goodies. Then he died。

　　I felt cheated. All my life I had wondered whether my dad cared for me and loved me – I doubted it. Just as I got proof that he did, he passed away。

　　My parents split up when I was two years old and, while I had monthly contact with my dad, my bitter stepmother and my father's old-fashioned stiff upper lip meant we never became close. In fact, I used to dread⁸ the visits to see him and count the hours until I could go home again。

　　When I was very little the weekends at my father's house felt cold and unfriendly. During my teens the trips to a hostile house became a dread on the horizon for weeks beforehand. Each stay culminated⁹ in an uncomfortable peck on the cheek from Dad as he said goodbye – a moment I cringed about for hours in advance。

　　And yet standing¹⁰ beside the hospital bed watching the life ebb¹¹ from my sleeping father was painful. I felt like a little girl at his bedside, unable to talk to him yet again. I became fixated with his fingers – fat and soft, lying gently curled beside him. Slowly they transformed from plump sausages to stone – white and immovable. It was his fingers that told me he had gone from this life, not the bleeping of monitors or the bustling¹² of nursing staff。

　　Losing a father whom you have no recollection of ever living with is difficult. Grieving is tricky¹³; I didn't have any obvious close father-daughter memories to cling to and mull and cry over. Most of my memories were of stilted¹⁴ meetings and uncomfortable times together. But I desperately¹⁵ missed him being alive。

　　As time moved on my grief and anger at his untimely death began to recede¹⁶. I realised that his affirmation of me from his deathbed had filled a gaping¹⁷ hole of insecurity I had constantly carried around。

　　To a child a hug says so many things. It tells you that the person hugging you loves you, cares for you. A hug also confirms that you are a lovable being. Months after Dad's death I realised with a jolt¹⁸ that his lack of hugs said more about him than me. My father was not a demonstrative man and I was, therefore, perhaps, a lovable being。

　　Once I digested this insight my feelings changed from those of a needy¹⁹ child to ones of a very proud daughter. Looking at my father more objectively allowed me to view him clearly: he was a man of few words; he was intelligent, kind and extremely modest. Ironically I began to feel closer to him in death than I had while he was alive。

　　With this new-found wisdom came the freedom to give up trying so very hard to gain the affections of others and to concentrate on finding me. I shattered the family taboo²⁰ of silence about the break-up of my parents' marriage. I also felt the need to speak out about the detrimental²¹ effect I felt my step-parents had had on my life。

　　In some ways the consequences have been quite dire²² and I no longer have contact with my mother. However, Dad's hug had a profound effect on me. It carried me along a path from childhood to adulthood²³. At last I am my own woman and one who loves nothing better than a good old-fashioned hug。

1 geographical   

adj.地理的；地区(性)的

参考例句：

• The current survey will have a wider geographical spread.当前的调查将在更广泛的地域范围內进行。
• These birds have a wide geographical distribution.这些鸟的地理分布很广。

2 chilly   

adj.凉快的，寒冷的

参考例句：

• I feel chilly without a coat.我由于没有穿大衣而感到凉飕飕的。
• I grew chilly when the fire went out.炉火熄灭后，寒气逼人。

3 bereft   

adj.被剥夺的

参考例句：

• The place seemed to be utterly bereft of human life.这个地方似乎根本没有人烟。
• She was bereft of happiness.她失去了幸福。

4 cuddly   

adj.抱着很舒服的，可爱的

参考例句：

• The beautiful crib from Mom and Dad is so cuddly.爸爸妈妈送的漂亮婴儿床真舒服。
• You can't call a hedgehog cuddly.你不能说刺猬逗人喜爱。

5 wince   

n.畏缩，退避，（因痛苦，苦恼等)面部肌肉抽动；v.畏缩，退缩，退避

参考例句：

• The barb of his wit made us wince.他那锋芒毕露的机智使我们退避三舍。
• His smile soon modified to a wince.他的微笑很快就成了脸部肌肉的抽搐。

6 maternal   

adj.母亲的，母亲般的，母系的，母方的

参考例句：

• He is my maternal uncle.他是我舅舅。
• The sight of the hopeless little boy aroused her maternal instincts.那个绝望的小男孩的模样唤起了她的母性。

7 streak   

n.条理，斑纹，倾向，少许，痕迹；v.加条纹，变成条纹，奔驰，快速移动

参考例句：

• The Indians used to streak their faces with paint.印第安人过去常用颜料在脸上涂条纹。
• Why did you streak the tree?你为什么在树上刻条纹？

8 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

9 culminated   

v.达到极点( culminate的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• a gun battle which culminated in the death of two police officers 一场造成两名警察死亡的枪战
• The gala culminated in a firework display. 晚会以大放烟火告终。 来自《简明英汉词典》

10 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

11 ebb   

vi.衰退，减退；n.处于低潮，处于衰退状态

参考例句：

• The flood and ebb tides alternates with each other.涨潮和落潮交替更迭。
• They swam till the tide began to ebb.他们一直游到开始退潮。

12 bustling   

adj.喧闹的

参考例句：

• The market was bustling with life. 市场上生机勃勃。
• This district is getting more and more prosperous and bustling. 这一带越来越繁华了。

13 tricky   

adj.狡猾的，奸诈的；(工作等)棘手的，微妙的

参考例句：

• I'm in a rather tricky position.Can you help me out?我的处境很棘手，你能帮我吗？
• He avoided this tricky question and talked in generalities.他回避了这个非常微妙的问题，只做了个笼统的表述。

14 stilted   

adj.虚饰的；夸张的

参考例句：

• All too soon the stilted conversation ran out.很快这种做作的交谈就结束了。
• His delivery was stilted and occasionally stumbling.他的发言很生硬，有时还打结巴。

15 desperately   

adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地

参考例句：

• He was desperately seeking a way to see her again.他正拼命想办法再见她一面。
• He longed desperately to be back at home.他非常渴望回家。

16 recede   

vi.退(去)，渐渐远去；向后倾斜，缩进

参考例句：

• The colleges would recede in importance.大学的重要性会降低。
• He saw that the dirty water had begun to recede.他发现那污浊的水开始往下退了。

17 gaping   

adj.口的；张口的；敞口的；多洞穴的v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的现在分词 )；张开，张大

参考例句：

• Ahead of them was a gaping abyss. 他们前面是一个巨大的深渊。
• The antelope could not escape the crocodile's gaping jaws. 那只羚羊无法从鱷鱼张开的大口中逃脱。 来自《简明英汉词典》

18 jolt   

v.（使）摇动，（使）震动，（使）颠簸

参考例句：

• We were worried that one tiny jolt could worsen her injuries.我们担心稍微颠簸一下就可能会使她的伤势恶化。
• They were working frantically in the fear that an aftershock would jolt the house again.他们拼命地干着，担心余震可能会使房子再次受到震动。

19 needy   

adj.贫穷的，贫困的，生活艰苦的

参考例句：

• Although he was poor,he was quite generous to his needy friends.他虽穷，但对贫苦的朋友很慷慨。
• They awarded scholarships to needy students.他们给贫苦学生颁发奖学金。

20 taboo   

n.禁忌，禁止接近，禁止使用；adj.禁忌的；v.禁忌，禁制，禁止

参考例句：

• The rude words are taboo in ordinary conversation.这些粗野的字眼在日常谈话中是禁忌的。
• Is there a taboo against sex before marriage in your society?在你们的社会里，婚前的性行为犯禁吗？

21 detrimental   

adj.损害的，造成伤害的

参考例句：

• We know that heat treatment is detrimental to milk.我们知道加热对牛奶是不利的。
• He wouldn't accept that smoking was detrimental to health.他不相信吸烟有害健康。

22 dire   

adj.可怕的，悲惨的，阴惨的，极端的

参考例句：

• There were dire warnings about the dangers of watching too much TV.曾经有人就看电视太多的危害性提出严重警告。
• We were indeed in dire straits.But we pulled through.那时我们的困难真是大极了，但是我们渡过了困难。

23 adulthood   

n.成年，成人期

参考例句：

• Some infantile actions survive into adulthood.某些婴儿期的行为一直保持到成年期。
• Few people nowadays are able to maintain friendships into adulthood.如今很少有人能将友谊维持到成年。