[00:01.88]How to Have Less Awkward Conversation
[00:06.01]What is assuming rapport?
[00:09.70]Basically, instead of going into a conversation
[00:13.42]or meeting nervously and thinking “how will this go?”
[00:16.50]you take different approach.
[00:18.54]You assume that you and the person will establish a good connection.
[00:22.78]How do you do that? You simply pretend
[00:25.40]that you are meeting one of your best friends.
[00:28.13]Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind
[00:31.23]instead of the nervous one.
[00:33.20]I have found that this advice is surprisingly useful
[00:36.13]and easy to implement.
[00:37.76]This also helps you and the other people to
[00:40.80]set a good frame for the interaction.
[00:42.73]A frame is always set in at the start of an interaction.
[00:46.25]It might be a nervous and stiff frame,
[00:49.06]a formal and let's-get-to-the-point kind of frame
[00:52.22]or perhaps a super relaxed one. The thing is that
[00:55.61]the frame that is set in the beginning of the conversation
[00:58.27]is often one that may stay on for a while.
[01:00.69]First impressions last.
[01:02.54]If it's a very stiff frame then it may very well continue
[01:06.53]to be so until the end. It can be quite difficult to,
[01:10.53]for instance, change that frame into a more relaxed one.
[01:14.26]Often people—you and the others—adapt to the frame
[01:18.61]that is set and interact within it.
[01:20.62]Breaking or changing that frame may feel
[01:23.35]uncomfortable or a bit weird. And so you and the others
[01:26.72]can become reluctant to do so and instead just play along.
[01:30.96]When you're with your friend you don't think about
[01:34.20]what you should say next or what funny comment
[01:36.93]you could pull out of your sleeve.
[01:38.19]You just stay in the present moment, moment by moment,
[01:41.34]and the conversation flows easily and naturally.
[01:44.87]I think this is what some people mean
[01:47.38]when they give the often confusing advice
[01:49.82]to “just be yourself”. When your friends give you
[01:52.90]that advice then they may mean that you should be
[01:56.14]“like you are when you are hanging out with us”.
[01:58.55]They want to see you bring out your natural
[02:01.35]and relaxed self in other interactions.
[02:03.80]One final useful thing about assuming rapport is
[02:07.65]that you may also start to feel positive feelings
[02:10.70]towards this new person, as you do with your friend
[02:13.78]when you meet him/her. This is a pretty good starting point
[02:17.31]for getting the new person to reciprocate
[02:20.00]and for developing a good relationship. |