Step by Step2000第四册 Unit9 Managing Personal Development（在线收听）

Unit 9 Managing Personal Development

Part I Warming up

A.

A1. The three things children need:

--First: To feel that one has options, that one maintains some control over his or her life.

--Second: To feel significant in the life of at least one other person.

--Third: To feel accepted because of his or her individuality.

A2.

First (This certainty gives people strength):

more highly motivated to work harder / overcome daunting difficulties and pain

Second (Children behave differently when treated differently):

--Ignored: devastating / cruelest / angry / depressed / frustrated / negative behavior

--Respected: thrives

Third

(Society's problem: encourage tolerance vs. welcome differences):

deserves / acknowledged / cherished / unique / embrace others

Tapescript:

In my more than 40 years of working with families and conducting research in family dynamics and the roots of human behavior, I have observed again and again a few truths. I have learned that all children -- indeed, all people -- need three certainties to feel healthy and positive about life.

First, a child needs to feel that she has options, that she maintains some control over her life. She needs to feel that she can do something to the world and the world will respond. In fact, stress, I believe, might be defined as a lack of options.

Numerous studies have shown that people who have choices are more highly motivated to work harder and even overcome daunting difficulties and pain. Burn victims in hospitals who are allowed to participate in their own care, such as by dressing their wounds, require less pain medication than those who are rendered helpless by having everything done for them. People want to help themselves. They become empowered in direct relation to the choices and options they perceive to be available.

The second thing that a child needs is to feel significant in the life of at least one other person.

Being ignored is devastating, one of the cruelest punishments possible. It leaves the child angry, depressed, and frustrated. When people react negatively to the child, that arouses negative behavior. When the parent respects the child's efforts to express herself, encourages her explorations, applauds her small victories, from the first tentative baby steps on, the child thrives.

Third, a child needs to feel accepted because of his or her individuality.

Each child deserves to be acknowledged and cherished for the qualities that make her unique, which can be hard to remember in a society that tends to encourage tolerance rather than welcome differences. Ideally, we should embrace others, and especially children, because of, rather than in spite of, their differences.

B.

Man 1 Woman Man 2

How to professional help self-help book club / communicate

overcome shyness? with different people

Your choice

How to stop why nervous? Nail polish transfer your habit

biting your / solve the problem into something differ-

fingernails? rent

How to get in first walk/ an personal cycle to work or

For summer? hour a day trainer school

Tapescript:

1. How to overcome shyness

Man 1: Well, I think if you're really shy it might be a good idea to see a therapist or someone like that -- you know, to get some professional help. You can't always change by yourself.

Woman: Or how about getting one of those self-help books from the library? I'm sure there are books around with lots of good suggestions that you can try.

Man 2: I think the best thing is to join a club and do activities where you have to meet and talk to different people. Like, if you join a theater group and work on putting on a play, you'll probably be able to overcome your shyness.

2. How to stop biting your fingernails

Man 1: I think biting your fingernails is just a sign of nervousness, so the first thing to do is to find out what's making you nervous. Once you've identified that problem and then solved it, the nail biting will disappear.

Woman: My sister used to bite her nails all the time, so she started wearing bright red nail polish. She bought the really expensive kinds, so she felt that she had made an investment in quitting her bad habit. I think the polish made her think about what she was doing, too. Anyway, after a few months, it worked, and she has really nice nails now. I guess if you're a guy, it's a little more difficult, though.

Man 2: Maybe you could find something else to do when you're stressed out, like tapping your fingers or counting to 100. You have to try to transfer your habit into a different activity -- one that doesn't cause such a problem.

3. Flow to get in shape for summer

Man 1: Getting in shape for summer can be easy. Just take a fairly fast walk for at least an hour a day. You'll be surprised at how much fat you can burn off just by walking every day.

Woman: I recommend getting a personal trainer at a gym. It's expensive, but a personal trainer can help you focus on what you really need to do and show you the best kinds of exercises to do to tighten up your tummy or whatever it is you want to tighten up.

Man 2: I think the best way to get in shape is by riding a bicycle to work or school. And on the weekends, go out for longer rides. It sounds easy, but actually, a good long bike ride can be even better for you than a workout at the gym.

C

1. Use this "chess board strategy" to create for yourself a personal career path that matches exactly with your plans and dreams, with your values and with your life's passions.

2. Botanically the tomato is a fruit. Do you expect to find tomatoes in a fruit salad? Most probably not. But the ubiquitous tomato will appear in every vegetable salad.

3. At this point the clients begin speaking to each other. But they do this by participating in activities that are designed to help them better understand each other.

Part II Lateral or vertical

A.

A1.

career deal career ladder

career structure career counseling business

career lattice career "chess board"

career planning career path

career strategy career chess player

career future career advice

A2.

1. Lifetime loyalty -- career

structure / guarantee a job

for life

2. '80s boom -- work longer

hours / more stressful / good

cause: money, promotion

3. Wrong -- redundancy /

anxious / no time for private

life / drained of creative

energy / dissatisfied

1. New buzzword – career lattice / career ladder vs. career chess board

2. Play career chess – wider view of career path / overall career strategy

3. Lateral thinking – step sideways / move a step back / move forward again

4. Self-management – manage yourself / business asset: skills, imagination, creative talents, knowledge

5. Money or life -- moral and emotional rewards vs. financial rewards / interesting, creative vs. bank balance

Tapescript:

Lifetime loyalty. Your parents knew all about it. Back then the career deal was. you devoted your working life to one employer; you started at the bottom of the career ladder and worked your way up in a straight line slowly; you reached the top and you retired. End of the story.

It sounds simple. Things were simple back then. Employers offered you a career structure and they virtually guaranteed you a job for life. They called it cradle-to-grave employment.

Then came the boom years of the eighties. Personal life was put on hold while company life took over. People worked longer hours at their workplace, and their jobs became more stressful. But it was all in a good cause, right? Money, promotion up the career ladder? That's what most people thought.

For many people, however, things went wrong. Instead of promotion came redundancy. Those still with a job found that the stressful working environment left them feeling anxious about their career ladder. It also left them without time for a private life. Many people felt drained of creative energy and dissatisfied with their lives. It was time for a change.

Things are indeed changing, especially for young people just beginning their career. The new buzzword in the career counseling business is "career lattice.' Instead of a career ladder, think of a career "chess board. '

New career planning is like playing chess. To move forward in chess, you sometimes have to move sideways, or even move back. The same could be now true of your career. You need to take a wider view of your career path. Examine your overall career strategy. Be a career chess player.

You are not happy in your job? You can't see a career future? Or do you feel anxious about your company's ability to provide you with the opportunities you need? If so, try to think laterally. The solution to your worries could be to step sideways into a related job in another industry, or even move a step back to a lower position in a totally different area of work. Once there, you can begin to move forward again.

Use this "chess board strategy" to create yourself a personal career path that matches exactly with your plans and dreams, with your values and with your life's passions.

It's called self-management. The word speaks for itself. You become your own manager. You manage yourself. You manage your career as you manage a business. Think of yourself as a business asset. How do you make the most of your assets: your skills, imagination, creative talents, knowledge?

The best career advice anyone can give you is to look for moral and emotional rewards as well as the usual financial rewards from your career. Make yourself into an interesting and creative person who is more than just their bank balance.

B.

B1. Tapescript:

A man worked in a tall office building. Each morning he got into the lift on the ground floor, pressed the lift button to the 11th floor. Got out of the lift and walked up to the 16th floor. At night he would get into the lift on the 16th floor, and get out on the ground floor. What was the reason for this?

Now here is the solution. Did you guess right?

Tapescript:

The man was a dwarf and couldn't reach higher than the 11th floor button.

B2.

VT. select the best way of looking at a problem

LT: create many alternative approaches

VT: move in sequential steps

LT. jump ahead and fill in the gaps later

VT. each step must be correct before the next can be approached

LT. generate a range of solutions without providing steps

VT. use fixed categories

LT: labels may change according to experience and point of view

VT: examine obvious approach, exclude irrelevant ones, in search of one final answer

LT: may be no answer

Tapescript:

Since most of us have been trained to think vertically and believe this way of thinking to be the only effective form, it is my initial task to address the contrasts between vertical and lateral thinking,

First, vertical thinking selects what appears to be the best way of looking at a problem. Lateral thinking creates many alternative approaches. There's an old riddle which could illustrate these different approaches to problem solving. When you've heard it, try to find the solution.

A man worked in a tall office building. Each morning he got into the lift on the ground floor, pressed the lift button to the 11th floor. Got out of the lift and walked up to the 16th floor. At night he would get into the lift on the 16th floor, and get out on the ground floor. What was the reason for this?

The man was a dwarf and couldn't reach higher than the 11th floor button. The natural assumption is that the man is normal and the behavior is abnormal. In fact, it is just the opposite.

Let us continue with other contrasts. When we think vertically, we move in sequential steps, rather like an old man climbing a ladder. In lateral thinking, it is possible to jump ahead and then fill in the gaps later. The solution may make sense, even though the pathway is not vertical. It is certainly true that scientific research is often based on vertical thinking, However, the discovery of penicillin and its life-saving developments were the result of lateral thinking

Another difference is that vertical thinking implies that each problem-solving step must be correct before the next can be approached. Think back to the way you learned mathematics: addition, subtraction, multiplication, division. Were you asked to show the process even when the result was correct? Indeed mathematics could not function without this discipline. Lateral thinking differs in that it is possible to generate a range of hypothetical solutions without providing steps of the process.

There're many different ways of reaching the same destination. However, we must now conclude with further aspects of lateral and vertical thinking. Let me pose a question. Is the tomato a fruit or a vegetable? In vertical thinking, we use fixed categories, whereas in lateral thinking, labels may change according to our experience and point of view. Botanically the tomato is a fruit. Do you expect to find tomatoes in a fruit salad? Most probably not. But the ubiquitous tomato will appear in every vegetable salad.

Vertical thinking is to examine the obvious approach and exclude what seems to be irrelevant. Vertical thinking by its nature is in search of one final answer. Lateral thinkers are aware that there may be no answer at all.

Finally, and you must be wondering whether you'll be able to think tomorrow, the differences are fundamental, and the thought processes are distinct. But never forget that neither process can be discarded. Both are useful. Both are necessary. They're complementary.

Part III Mediation skills

Tapescript:

Today we are going to discuss the steps involved in mediation counseling. The skills that make up mediation counseling will be useful to you in a variety of situations -- for instance, helping a couple that is having problems in their relationship or parents who are having trouble with a teenager. Through mediation counseling, people can learn to take a series of steps that will lead them to identify problems and create solutions.

Step One: Setting Up a Positive Environment

In step one the mediator wants to set up an environment that will help the clients to speak frankly about what has upset them without attacking the other person. This is first done by clearly stating specific rules about how the clients will be allowed to behave during mediation sessions. For example, clients must treat each other with respect. They may not shout at the other person or interrupt them when they are speaking. After the rules have been established, each client will take a turn speaking directly to the mediator. They will state their point of view concerning the problem. If they are having difficulty, the mediator will facilitate the process by asking questions like "What's been going on between the two of you?" or "How has this problem affected you?" Another thing the mediator will do is to rephrase statements that sound very aggressive and accusatory. For example, if Robert is mad at Vicky, he might say something like this: "The Problem is Vicky's always late. She has no respect for my time. She always keeps me waiting." To avoid having Vicky get angry when she hears this, the mediator would rephrase it, focusing on the real issue instead of on how bad Vicky is. The mediator might say something like this: "So you feel really frustrated and impatient when you arrive promptly and then have to wait a long time for ~he other person." When both clients have finished sharing their side of the story with the mediator, the mediator will list and clarify the problems. In the case of Robert and Vicky the mediator could say. "There seems to be a problem finding a way to organize time that is comfortable for both of you."

Step Two: Identifying the Bottom Line

In step two the mediator helps the clients to identify the bottom line. This is done by breaking their conflict down into specific issues which are emotional and behavioral. People might say they are mad about a specific behavior, lint what they are really mad about is how it makes them feel. To look again at the case of Robert and Vicky, the mediator might help them to see that while time seems to be the issue, the real issue is that Robert feels Vicky does not respect him. At this point .the clients begin speaking to each other. But they do this by. participating in activities that are designed to help them better understand each other. Maybe they could do a role reversal, and Vicky could talk about how she would feel if she and Robert were supposed to have dinner with friends and he came an hour late. Robert could share reasons why he might be late for something, Hopefully, this will help Robert and Vicky be more sympathetic with one another.

Step Three: Brainstorm

Now it's time to talk about solutions. In step three the mediator encourages the clients to share every possible solution to their problem, no matter how ridiculous or extreme. The clients must accept all the solutions either one of them suggests. They may not criticize each other during this step in the process. As they are making suggestions, the mediator writes down all their different ideas. When everyone has .run out of suggestions, they look at their list. They try to identify which solution is best, which one is most reasonable or practical, which ones are unworkable, etc. , etc. They prioritize the solutions and discuss which ones would work for them, which ones they would be willing to try. Using the solutions they have chosen, the clients, with the help of the mediator, write down some very specific steps they would take to solve their problem.