[00:04.70]Hey, look, you always had my back in high school, okay? 你看，高中时你总是在背后支持我 不是吗？
[00:07.02]So if your spirit guide wants you to be a fake teenager... 所以如果你的精神引导者 想要你假装成青少年…
[00:09.70]...and me to be your fake dad... …而我要假装是你的爸爸…
[00:12.22]...the least I can do is make sure that my fake son doesn’t look... …至少我能做到的是 确信我的假儿子看起来…
[00:16.42]...like a total douche. …不像个脑残
[00:19.42]- I don’t look like a douche. BOY: What a douche. - 我看起来才不像脑残 - 哪来的脑残
[00:22.94]We’re going shopping. 我们去购物
[00:24.94]- Really? - Yes, your shirt is bedazzled. - 真的？ - 是的，你的T恤让人眼花缭乱
[00:28.78]Bedazzled with rhinestones. 那是些人造钻石
[00:48.86]Ooh. 噢
[00:50.54]Let’s go to school. 上课去吧
[00:52.54]BOY: Hey, yo, check it out. 嗨，看那边
[00:54.90]That’s just rude. 这太不讲理了
[01:37.74]What’s up, dude? 怎么了，小白脸？
[01:47.42]What are you looking at, punk? 看什么呢，小阿飞
[01:48.10]BOY 1: Watch it. BOY 2: Wake up, douche. - 看着点 - 清醒点，脑残
[01:55.14]Sorry. 对不起
[01:57.82]No phones, no texting. 不准用手机，不准发短信
[02:04.18]Settle, people. Settle down. 安静，大家安静
[02:06.50]Take the roughhousing outside, class. 要打闹出去打闹
[02:12.38]Hello? 你好？
[02:15.38]- Hello? - Where the hell are you? - 你好？ - 你到底在哪？
[02:20.74]Oh, cr... 噢，天…
[02:22.22]- The thing. SCARLET: You mean our divorce? - 那件事啊 - 你是说你还记得离婚的事吗？
[02:25.90]Do you take any of this seriously? 你有没有认真对待这件事？
[02:27.58]No, no! Yes, I take this seriously. 不，不！我是很认真的
[02:31.42]I had to leave the country very suddenly, uh... 事出突然，我不得不出国一趟…
[02:34.62]...with the Mayan... Inca, I’m with the Incas in Peru. …和玛雅人…印加人 我现在秘鲁，和印加人在一起
[02:37.30]We think we might have found the next... 我们认为，我们可能发现了新的…
[02:41.46]...Rogaine. …落健（生发液）
[02:41.50]Are you with a girl? 你跟一个女孩在一起吗？
[02:44.66]No, no. It’s, uh, a bunch of cheerleaders. 不，没有，那不过是一群啦啦队
[02:47.66]So would you consider maybe dating a 10th-grader? 有没有考虑过 和一个十年级的女生约会？
[02:50.18]I think we could go for full custody. 我认为，我们可以申请完全监护权
[02:52.38]No, you can’t take my kids away from me. 不，你不能带走我的孩子
[02:55.38]Since when do you care? 你什么时候开始在乎孩子了？
[03:01.58]MIKE: Look... 听我说…
[03:04.42]...l’m a lot closer to them than you think. …我其实比你所能想到的 还要接近孩子们
[03:08.94]Let’s reschedule, okay? 让我们再安排个时间，好吗？
[03:13.46]Hey, Maggie. 嗨，玛姬
[03:17.62]Um, why is the new kid waving at me? 为什么那个新来的对我招手？
[03:19.46]SAMANTHA: I don’t know. 我不知道
[03:21.14]But if that boy were an apple... 不过如果那个男孩是一个苹果的话…
[03:23.82]...he’d be a Delicious. …他一定是很美味的那种
[03:26.82]MIKE: Oh, God. 噢，天呐
[03:31.18]Gosh, we are all in such great shape. 唉！我们一直都是这么健美
[03:36.22]Oh, jeez. 噢，上帝
[03:37.22]Man, you know, I will tell you something. 兄弟，让我告诉你点事情
[03:41.22]In 10 years you’re going to have this thing right here... 十年后你就就会在这里长出些东西来…
[03:44.58]...that no amount of crunches will get rid of. And spot reduction, total lie. …再多的腹肌练习也无法消除 还有祛斑之类的，全都是骗人的
[03:48.74]You know, l... 你知道，我…
[03:51.58]Never mind. Give me the ball. 别放在心上，把球传给我
[03:54.26]Fakes right, goes left. 向右的假动作，攻左路
[03:57.30]And signature move. 招牌动作
[03:59.14]Kid. 孩子
[04:03.30]- I’m Coach Murphy. - Oh, wow. - 我是墨菲教练 - 噢，哇
[04:05.82]- You’re still here? - What? - 你还在这里当教练？ - 什么？
[04:10.60]Yeah. Well, yeah. Twenty years. 是啊，好吧，二十年了
[04:11.66]You’re a legend. 你是一个传奇
[04:16.18]It’s actually my last one. 其实今年是我最后一届了
[04:17.86]Good hops, kid. Nice handle. 弹跳力不错，孩子，控球也很棒
[04:22.06]We’re looking for a point guard. 我们正想找一个控球后卫
[04:24.06]Oh, yeah? 噢，是吗？
[04:26.58]- Why don’t you come to tryouts? - Okay. - 不妨来试试？ - 好的
[04:29.58]- I’m done talking to you. - Yeah, yeah. - 我话已经说完了 - 好的，好的
[04:36.62]Hey, how’s it going? 嗨，最近怎么样？
[04:38.62]MIKE Things are looking up. 有进步
[04:40.46]Coach Murphy practically put me on the team. 墨菲教练让我进了球队
[04:43.46]That’s not a coincidence. We’re on the path. 那并不是偶然 我们正朝着正确的方向迈进
[04:45.46]That’s great. That’s super you’re finding your destiny and, blah, blah, whatever. 好极了，那正是你要寻找的命运吧 你所谓的那些东西
[04:47.14]Here’s something. I need you to do something for me. 对了，有些事要你帮忙
[04:51.50]I need you to get in trouble. 我需要你惹点麻烦出来
[04:52.50]Not, like, big trouble. 也不用特别严重
[04:53.02]Just enough trouble so that the principal needs to meet with your father. 只要严重到校长会要求见家长就好
[04:59.38]Yeah, okay, well, we’ll see. 这样啊，好的，我会搞定的
[05:00.54]- Oh! Boom. BOY Ned! - 噢！嘣！ - 奈德！ |