Six Family Tradition
[00:04.78]A young married woman cooked a ham for the first time.
[00:10.66]When she set it on the table,her husband noticed
[00:16.90]that the two ends of the ham had been sliced off.
[00:22.26]"How come you cut off the ends of the ham?"he inquired.
[00:28.13]"Well,that's the way mother does it,"explained his wife.
[00:33.70]"Why?" "I don't really know,but maybe it's for good luck."
[00:41.46]A few weeks later the cople was at the mother's house and was served a ham dinner.
[00:51.41]Both ends of the ham had been sliced off.
[00:56.14]The husband was curious."How come you cut off the ends of the ham?"
[01:03.50]"Well,I don't really know,"his mother-in-law answered.
[01:09.75]"That's the way my mother does it.A ham may be more delicious,cooked this way."
[01:17.79]Several months later,the couple visited the grandmother and she cooked them a ham.
[01:26.26]The ends of the ham been cut off.
[01:30.51]By this time the husband was eager to discover the cause of the act.
[01:37.36]"Grandmother,"he asked,"how come you cut off both ends of the ham before cooking it?"
[01:45.30]Grandmother peered over her glasses and said,"my pan is too short."
[01:53.55]Seven That Is Your First Worry
[01:59.72]Fresh out of business school,the young man answered a want ad for an accountant.
[02:08.47]Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous grocer
[02:15.71]who ran a small grocery store that he had started himself.
[02:21.95]"I need someone with an accounting degree,"the grocer said.
[02:28.72]"But mainly,I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
[02:35.27]"Excuse me?"the accountant asked.
[02:40.24]"I worry about a lot of things,"the grocer said.
[02:46.01]"But I don't want to have to worry about money.
[02:50.97]Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
[02:58.23]"I see,"the accountant said."And how much does the job pay?
[03:05.39]"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
[03:09.94]"Eighty thousand dollars!"the accountant exclaimed.
[03:16.41]"How in the world can such a small shop afford a sum like that?"
[03:24.36]"That,"the grocer said,"is your first worry."
[03:31.23]Eight A Priest and a Lawyer
[03:38.59]There were two men traveling together,a priest and a lawyer.
[03:45.15]It was starting to get late,and they needed to find a place to sleep.
[03:51.81]They came across a farm and asked the farther there if they could spend the night.
[03:59.18]He said."That's fine but my guest room is only big enough for one person;
[04:06.73]one of you will have to sleep in the barn."
[04:11.17]The priest said,"I don't mind sleeping with God's creaturse.I will take the barn."
[04:19.71]About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door,
[04:25.87]and there stood the priest.
[04:29.35]"There is a sheep in there that won's stop bleating!"
[04:34.91]And I can't stand the odor from that donkey in there,either.
[04:40.69]I'm sorry but I'm going to have to sleep in the guest room."
[04:46.15]So the lawyer agreed and trade places with him.
[04:52.21]He went to sleep in the barn.
[04:55.55]About an hour later there was a knock at the guest room door,
[05:01.92]and there stood the sheep and the donkey.
[05:06.78]Nine Governor Brown and a Pig
[05:13.84]Governor Brown and his chauffeur were out driving in the country
[05:20.60]and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.
[05:28.86]The governor told the chauffeur
[05:32.90]to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer
[05:38.08]that they had killed the pig.
[05:42.02]They drove up to the farm.
[05:47.06]The chauffeur got our and knocked on the front door and was let in.
[05:53.83]He was in there for what seemed hours.
[05:59.58]When he came out,Governor Brown was confused
[06:05.35]about why his driver had been there so long.
[06:10.70]"Well,first the farmer shook my hand,then he offered me a beer,
[06:18.57]the his wife brought me some cookies,
[06:22.72]and his daughter showered me with kisses,"explained the driver.
[06:29.17]"What did you tell the farmer?"Governor Brown asked.
[06:34.84]The chauffeur replied,"I told him that I was Governor Brown's driver
[06:43.49]and I'd just killed the pig."
[06:47.14](The story implies that the farmer thought the governor
[06:53.91]had been killed and was very happy about it.
[06:58.87]Since pig also means"an unpleasant person,"
[07:05.40]so the farmer thought it referred to the governor,
[07:10.47]rather than the real pig that Governor Brown's car had killed.)
[07:16.53] Ten You've Got Mail
[07:21.78]A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive female
[07:28.91]neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
[07:34.19]She opened it,looked inside,slammed it shut,and stormed back into her house.
[07:42.13]A little later she came out of her house again,
[07:47.41]went to the mailbox,opened it,and slammed it shut again.
[07:53.36]Angrily,back into the house she went.
[07:58.01]As the man getting ready to edge the lawn,here she came again.
[08:05.75]She marched to the mailbox,opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
[08:14.89]Puzzled by her actions,the man asked her,"Is something wrong?"
[08:22.83]She replied,"There certainly is!My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"
[08:33.70]Eleven The Convention
[08:39.16]Bill,Jim,and Scott were at a convention together
[08:45.32]and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.
[08:53.79]After a long day of meetings,
[08:58.04]they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken
[09:04.00]and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
[09:12.05]Bill said to Jim and Scott,"
[09:16.02]Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task
[09:22.08]by concentrating on something interesting.
[09:26.33]I'll tell jokes for 25 flights,Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights,
[09:36.39]and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."
[09:42.24]On the 26th floor,Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing.
[09:50.11]On the 51th floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.
[09:59.04]"I will tell my saddest story first,"he said.
[10:04.32]"I left the room key in the car!!!"
[10:09.36]Twelve Rich or Poor?
[10:16.93]One day a father and his rich family
[10:22.39]took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing him
[10:29.24]how poor people can be.
[10:33.10]They spent a day an a night on the farm of a very poor family.
[10:39.95]When they got back from their trip,the father asked his son,"How was the trip?"
[10:47.71]"Very good,Dad!" "Yeah!" "And what did you learn?"
[10:58.96]The son answered,"I saw that we have a dog at home,and they have four.
[11:07.30]We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the gardent;\
[11:12.76]they have a creek that has no end.We have imported lamps in the garden;
[11:19.71]they have the stars.
[11:23.47]Our patio reaches to the front yard;they have a whole horizon."
[11:29.95]When the little boy finished,his father was speechless.
[11:35.30]His son added,"Thanks,Dad,for showing me how poor we are!" |