First, do not wash the turkey. The water splashing off of poultry can toss bacteria around your entire food preparation area. Which is how Aunt Selma got salmonella from the vanilla.

 

Two, as hilarious as it is to wear the turkey like a hat, or to hold the entire turkey over your head as you inspect its cavity, try to control yourself. Bacteria, bacteria, bacteria.

 

Three, use a thermometer to tell when the turkey is at 165 degrees. You might think you can tell by the color, but your ability to distinguish shades of pink ain't that great.

 

Four, make sure any uneaten turkey is in the fridge within two hours. You want that turkey down to 41 degrees before the bacteria move in like Seinfeld's parents moved in to Del Boca Vista.

 

Finally, as tempting as it may be to pass the baby over the holiday table, you know, don't do that. Need I say more about the kind of bacteria that bundle of joy may spread over the brussel sprouts? Besides, Aunt Selma doesn't have hands like Jerry Rice. Enjoy!

 

Thanks for the minute. For Scientific American's 60-Second Science, I'm Steve Mirsky.