Unit 71
Escape Valve
A man and woman I know moved in together recently. It was, as such occasions are, a moment of sentiment and celebration. It was also a limited engagement. Before moving in, they had already set a fixed date when they would break up. They explained their reasons to one and all. In a year, the woman planned to change jobs and cities; the man didn't plan to follow. An eventual split is unfortunate, they said, but also inevitable, so why not plan on it? Yet far from being a sad twist of fate, my woman friend's scheduled departure was a liberating force, making possible whatever short-term romance the couple will enjoy. Without the escape clause of a pre-set termination of their affair, they might never have lived together.
This situation is not unique. More and more people are ordering their lives along a principle I call the "automatic-out". In love, friendship, work, and the community, people increasingly prefer arrangements that automatically end at some pre-set date. It is a force in society as a whole, as more of us hunger for lives that appear stable and deep-rooted but lack the complications of commitment.
Automatic-out may have its foundations in the preset cycles of academic life. In recent decades, an ever-higher percentage of the population has been able to attend college and post-graduate schools. That's a good thing for the cause of education but perhaps not so good for society's spirit. Longtime students learn to view institutions as places where people briefly come to rest, and from which they will be automatically removed on a date known years in advance. They also tend to see institutions as a means by which to take things for themselves, instead of adding things for others.
So it may be no surprise that professionals -- usually the beneficiaries of advanced schooling -- seem increasingly uninterested in staying put. A Brookings Institution study shows that Government-agency managers turn over, on average, every 21 months. Now it is becoming true of private enterprises as well. According to the Conference Board, a business research organization, top corporate executives now switch jobs every 4.5 years on average.
The job-switching mania, it is sometimes suggested, stems from a combination of boredom and expectations of promotion. But I think it is motivated b the desire for automatic-out. When you know in advance that you will soon be changing jobs, you are relieved of concern for the overall integrity of your institution whether the quality of its products, the fairness of its service, the odds of its survival. You have a built-in excuse for selfishness ("I'll be leaving in a year anyway") and can concentrate on advancing yourself, secure in the knowledge that if you fail to improve your organization, you personally won't suffer. You'll be one step ahead of the crumbling wall. It seems to be the same in love. If a romance operates under some per-set restriction, neither partner feels obliged to sacrifice his interests for joint interests. Why sacrifice for something not expected to last long anyway? Thus, the shot-term benefits of marriage and living together (companionship, warmth, convenience) remain popular. But long-term obligation to the institution of marriage has fallen into disrepute among many young people. Children and family life are especially in disrepute today, for whenever children are present there is no easy way out, emotionally and legally. The weekend romance is especially desirable today, not because people move around more now but because distance guarantees an automatic-out. |