[00:04.70]l got two daughters in college and a son in beauty school. 我两个女儿念大学,儿子学美发

　　[00:07.58]l don't know how much you know about Vidal Sassoon, but that shit ain't cheap. 我不知你对沙宣了解多少 不过那玩意可不便宜

　　[00:13.14]l can rally. l will rally. 我会冲出收视率的

　　[00:13.62]You do rally. Every day, Abby. 你最好是能冲,天天冲

　　[00:17.18]But that's what worries me. 不过我担心的是

　　[00:20.58]That even you won't be enough. 你冲不了多高

　　[00:22.14]l should not be letting corporate management... 我不能让高层主宰节目内容

　　[00:25.74]...dictate the content of this show. lt's my show. 这是我的节目

　　[00:27.02]l control it. l should skip the date tonight. 我掌控一切 我该取消今晚约会

　　[00:30.14]Stay home, think up some ideas for sweeps. 回家想点子

　　[00:32.98]Absolutely not, Abby. 当然不行

　　[00:33.70]You should be out there observing humanity. 你应该要出门去观察人

　　[00:38.26]-Humanity is who watches our show. -Yeah. All 2.4 7 percent of them. - 人才是我们节目的观众 - 是啊,只有2.47%

　　[00:42.66]You have rescheduled on this guy three times. 你跟这家伙的约会改了三次时间

　　[00:43.02]You cancel on him tonight and he's gone. 今晚再爽约,他就跑了

　　[00:45.30]Look at this bone structure. 看看这个骨架

　　[00:50.10]This could be the bone structure of your future children. 这可能是你未来儿女的骨架

　　[00:52.58]Don't you want them to be symmetrical? 你希望他们长相俊俏吧?

　　[00:53.78]What? Yes. These have not been touched in some time. 是啊,你已经很久没吸到阳气了

　　[00:54.18]You printed his profile? 你调他的档案来看?

　　[00:58.46]l have to live vicariously through your life. 我还得忍受你的烂约会经验

　　[00:58.82]l really think that this could be our next boyfriend. 我觉得这可以当我们下一个男友

　　[01:05.34]-Hi. -Hello. - 嗨 - 你好

　　[01:05.38]l'm looking for a guy with sandy brown hair, athletic build, blue eyes. 我找一位棕发蓝眼、强壮的男人

　　[01:09.38]He's 5'9''. Which l know you're thinking is short... 他身高170,我知道你觉得他矮

　　[01:13.78]-...but he's read The Great Gatsby-- -Well, technically 5'8'' and a half... - 他看过《大亨小传》两次… - 我身高其实是168

　　[01:16.62]...but l could read The Great Gatsby again if it makes it any better. 要的话我可以再看一次《大亨小传》

　　[01:21.18]Hi. Can l get some water for the table? 要不要点些水来喝?

　　[01:23.70]Yeah, a bottle of flat water, please? 好,一瓶瓶装水,谢谢

　　[01:25.58]-Sure. -Thank you. - 好的 - 谢谢

　　[01:27.38]Just one second. l'm sorry. Did you know they've done studies that show... 等一下,对不起 你知不知道研究结果显示…

　　[01:30.18]...tap water and bottled water are the same thing. 自来水和瓶装水其实都一样

　　[01:35.26]They passed a law where restaurants have to filter their tap water... 最近法令还规定 餐厅都必须过滤自来水

　　[01:37.30]...so it's filtered water, which is the same as bottled water... 因此自来水跟瓶装水其实没两样

　　[01:41.22]...except you don't have to pay 7 dollars for it. 你根本不用多花钱买水,对吧?

　　[01:42.90]l like the way it tastes better. Can l get a Scotch on the rocks too? 不知耶,我喜欢瓶装水的口感 再来两杯威士忌加冰块

　　[01:47.94]-Thank you. -Oh, yeah. - 谢谢 - 好的

　　[01:50.02]l thought.... 我以为…

　　[01:53.30]l thought in your profile it said you-- You like to drink red wine. 你的档案说你喜欢喝红酒

　　[02:00.38]-You printed out my profile? -My associate producer did. - 你印了我的档案? - 是我助理印的

　　[02:02.74]She doesn't like me to not be prepared. Not that l'm ever not prepared. 她希望我有准备 不是说我都没准备啦

　　[02:05.02]Kudos, by the way, on your comprehensive car insurance plan. 对了,你的车险规划真赞

　　[02:09.34]-That wasn't in my profile. -No, but it's in your background check. - 我档案里没那个 - 对,是背景调查写的

　　[02:11.70]So tell me about yourself. 跟我谈谈你自己吧

　　[02:17.78]Well, what's left to talk about that you don't already know? 还有什么你不知道的呢?

　　[02:20.94]Good point. 说的对

　　[02:23.74]...l actually took the liberty of printing out some talking points... 我很冒昧的印出一些 谈话重点

　　[02:30.98]...in case this happened. 以备不时之需

　　[02:32.30]-l take it this has happened before? -No. No. - 我怎么觉得这种事以前发生过? - 没…

　　[02:34.10]But you have nine out of 1 0 of the necessary attributes on my checklist. 只是在我清单上的 十项必备条件中你具备九项

　　[02:37.98]Oh, dear God. Okay. 老天爷,好吧

　　[02:39.34]Oh, this is a good one. Let's start with three, okay? 这个好,就从第三点开始吧

　　[03:02.22]Don't ask. 别问了

　　[03:14.34]More on this when we come back. 广告之后继续为您报导

　　[03:14.90]We'll hear from a zoo official forced to take-- 动物园不得已必须…

　　[03:19.02]And we're back with The Ugly Truth, where we're gonna be talking about... 回到《真相挖挖哇》,在今晚 我们来谈谈

　　[03:22.62]...what it is men and women really want in relationships. 男人跟女人真正想要的是什么

　　[03:25.18]I've been looking through some books. Smart Women, Foolish Choices. 我最近看了一些书 《聪明与愚笨之间》

　　[03:31.42]Men Who Love Women Who Hate Them. 《男人最爱痛恨他们的女人》

　　[03:33.22]And Women Hating Men Who Loved Women Who Hate Loving Men. 还有《恨女人的男人 讨厌爱男人的女人》

　　[03:40.58]Billions and billions wasted on psychobabble bullshit. 浪费几十亿在这些烂书上

　　[03:44.78]Now, listen up, ladies, because l'm only gonna say this once... 听清楚了,女人,我只说一次

　　[03:48.46]...and it is just three little words: 只有几个字

　　[03:50.74]Men are simple. 男人很简单

　　[03:55.78]We cannot be trained. 我们学不乖的

　　[03:56.98]All this, ''men are from Venus'' crap is a waste of your time and money. 这些男人不懂的废话 根本是浪费你的时间和金钱

　　[04:01.26]You wanna be a lonely hag, then that's fine... 你想当老处女,随便你

　　[04:05.14]...keep reading these stupid books. 继续看这堆蠢书吧

　　[04:06.34]But you want a relationship, then here's how you get one: 若想征服情海,唯一秘诀是

　　[04:11.58]lt's called a Stairmaster. 多踩阶梯瘦身机!

　　[04:12.30]Get on it, and get skinny... 努力塑身,让身材火辣

　　[04:14.30]...and get some trashy lingerie while you're at it... 再加上一些性感内衣

　　[04:17.18]...because at the end of the day, all we're interested in is looks. 因为最终,我们只看外表

　　[04:21.66]And no one falls in love with your personality at first sight. 没人会第一眼爱上你的个性

　　[04:25.34]We fall in love with your tits and your ass... 我们都爱你的浪乳翘臀

　　[04:28.10]...and we stick around because of what you're willing to do with them. 我们死缠烂打 只是想和你的肉体玩十八招

　　[04:32.10]So you wanna win a man over, you don't need 1 0 steps... 所以要想赢得男人心 不用十八招

　　[04:35.66]...you need one, and it's called a blowjob. 一招就可以搞定 就是一流的吹功

　　[04:38.22]And don't forget to.... 记得还要这样…

　　[04:44.70]Okay? Now, let's take the first caller. 懂了没?让我们接听第一个观众热线

　　[04:48.06]How dare you burn those books. 你竟敢烧那些书

　　[04:48.46]They've helped my personal life more than I can say. 它们对我好处多多

　　[04:51.38]What's your boyfriend's name, princess? 公主,你男友叫什么名字?

　　[04:53.54]Well, I'm not seeing anyone right now. 我现在没有伴

　　[04:55.42]My point exactly, Shrek. Next caller. 我就说嘛,史瑞克 下一位

　　[04:57.34]You're on the air. 你在线上了