[00:07.36]Mike, Mike, Mike. 麦克…!

　　[00:10.16]Come on up. 请上台来

　　[00:13.36]Hey, how are you, folks? 各位,你们好

　　[00:13.60]All right, Mike, welcome. 好,欢迎,麦克

　　[00:17.20]Now, listen. Men, we men, l think l can say ''we men.'' 听着,男人,我们男人 我想我可以说我们男人

　　[00:20.96]Not necessarily ''wee'' men, but men of all sizes-- 不分尺寸大小,全体男人

　　[00:22.36]-No, l get it. l get it. -We're not known for our expertise... - 我懂、我懂 - 我们一向不擅长…

　　[00:26.04]...in matters of the heart. 搞感情

　　[00:29.24]But l hear you have some very interesting ideas and theories. 不过听说你有好玩的想法和理论

　　[00:33.00]What advice would you give to the people out there... 对于那些渴望爱情的好人

　　[00:34.68]-...that are looking for love? -My advice would be: - 你有何忠告? - 我的忠告就是…

　　[00:38.28]Don't do it. 别谈恋爱

　　[00:41.24]l mean, try to find lust instead. lt's a lot easier and a lot less messy. 享受情欲就好 这样比较简单,麻烦也少

　　[00:46.04]Blue balls, they only last a few hours, but a broken heart, that can last years. 肾亏,进补就好 心碎,就很难医了

　　[00:57.16]Goodness me. Tell me, then. What's her name? 天哪,说吧,她是谁?

　　[00:58.76]Who? 谁?

　　[01:01.64]The woman that screwed you up. She must have been a doozy. 让你心碎的美眉,她一定很赞

　　[01:09.12]Well, like l said, better a floozy than a doozy. 就像我说的 浪女胜过美女

　　[01:19.64]Hi. l was looking for an Abby Richter. 我找一位李艾比

　　[01:35.84]-Did you get him? Is he ours? -l'm working on it. - 搞定他没?他是我们的了? - 我正在努力

　　[01:38.52]l gotta go. 我要挂了

　　[01:42.72]-Where's Rick? -l sent him home. - 瑞克人呢? - 我叫他回家

　　[01:44.00]l thought you and l could celebrate on our own. Give me some of that. 也许我们俩可以庆祝一下 给我来一点

　　[01:49.48]And what exactly are we celebrating? 我们到底要庆祝什么?

　　[01:52.36]Hello? Craig Ferguson? l was just on it. 《深夜夜现场》啊,我上了这节目

　　[01:58.40]l heard about the offer from CBS. 我听说哥伦比亚的价码了

　　[02:02.28]Well, then maybe you heard l turned it down. 那么也许你也听说我拒绝了

　　[02:04.36]You did? 真的?

　　[02:08.84]Why? 为什么?

　　[02:10.84]Jonah. 我外甥,琼纳

　　[02:11.64]You know, he needs me around. 他需要我陪着他

　　[02:15.92]l may not be the best father figure out there... 我也许不是模范父亲的榜样

　　[02:18.08]...but l'm the only one he's got. 但他只有我

　　[02:19.96]And l don't wanna half-ass it all the way from San Francisco. 我不想在旧金山当个半调子

　　[02:23.44]Well, l think that's a very good decision. 我想这是个很好的决定

　　[02:27.40]Thank you. 谢谢

　　[02:30.12]Now, can we stop talking about work... 我们别谈工作了

　　[02:30.32]...and maybe relax and drink, enjoy? 放轻松喝一杯?

　　[02:35.76]God. 天哪

　　[02:39.04]Tell me about the doozy. 谈谈那个美眉吧

　　[02:41.72]You know, the woman who broke your heart. 就是让你心碎的那个

　　[02:44.92]You are just totally trying to kill my buzz. 你根本是想毁了我的好心情

　　[02:46.20]No, l'm not. l'm just interested in what makes you you. 我没有,我是对你的过去感兴趣

　　[02:52.08]Well, for your information... 就讲给你听吧

　　[02:54.04]...it was more than just one. 不只一个

　　[02:59.56]lt was more like a parade. 可以列队游行了

　　[03:03.84]Codependent girls, unfaithful girls... 依赖妹、不忠妹

　　[03:07.20]...depressed girls, narcissistic girls, phony girls. 忧郁妹、自恋妹、肤浅妹

　　[03:10.48]Girls who, it turned out, didn't actually like me. 还有根本不爱我的妹

　　[03:16.84]By the time l hit 30, l realized that... 到三十岁那年 我发现…

　　[03:20.32]...you can only have so many lousy relationships... 如果不明白没有真爱

　　[03:21.88]...before you figure out there's no such thing as a good one. 就只会不断地承受打击

　　[03:26.20]You can't really believe there's no such thing as a good relationship. 拜托,你不会真的相信 世上没有真爱吧

　　[03:28.68]To my very core. 我完全相信 我一直爱着人人听力网

　　[03:31.96]Hello. Can l get you something? 你好,要来点什么吗?

　　[03:35.44]-l'll have one of those, please. -A mojito. Sure. - 请给我一杯那个 - 好的

　　[03:36.44]-Would you like anything else? -Yeah, some water. - 还要别的吗? - 一杯水

　　[03:40.48]Okay, would you like still or sparkling? 好,要纯水还是气泡水?

　　[03:41.76]-Tap water's great. Thanks. -Tap. All right. - 自来水就好,谢谢 - 好的

　　[03:45.36]What? 干嘛?

　　[03:48.76]What? 怎样?

　　[03:50.36]lt's the exact same thing, isn't it? 都一样不是吗?

　　[03:54.64]So l've been told. 我也这么听说过

　　[04:00.20]Come on, let's dance. 来,跳舞吧

　　[04:01.84]No, l'm serious. 我是认真的

　　[04:02.56]l've seen your spazzy dance, now l wanna see the real thing. 你不是只会跳抽筋舞吧

　　[04:05.72]-No, really. l can't dance like that. -l can. Well, kind of. - 不行,我不会跳那种舞 - 我会,会一点

　　[04:14.96]Oh, Mike, no. 麦克,不要

　　[04:17.36]No. 不要啦