" "Please disregard the enclosed resume-it is terribly out of date.""Reason for Leaving: My boss said the end of the world is near.""Reason for Leaving: The owner gave new meaning to the word ’paranoia.’ I prefer to elaborate privately."打字错误与语法错误"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.""Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.""I am a rabid typist.""Work History: Performed brain wave tests,1879-1981.""After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.""Accounting cleric.""As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments.""Suspected to graduate early next year.""Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.""Proven ability to track down and correct erors.""Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.""Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.""Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."不应有的幽默"Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack. Use all others to heat your house.""Assisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting." (Translation: Short-order cook。)"But wait...there’s more. You get all this business knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature.""I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.""My fortune cookie said, ’Your next interview will result in a job’-and I like your company in particular.""Title: Another resume from the ’Profiles in Excellence’ series.""Also Known As: Mr. Productivity, Mr. Clever, Mr.Fix-it.""Trustworthy references available upon request-if I give them a few bucks.""Let’s meet so you can ’ooh’ and ’ahh’ over my experience."