[00:02.35]Uh...
[00:04.35]But it was so sweet, I’ll have to let you live.
[00:08.55]Well, that’s good. Because I like to live.
[00:13.22]Is it like 800 degrees in there, like boiling?
[00:16.39]Actually, the boiling point of water is 212 degrees Fahrenheit...
[00:23.50]100 degrees Celsius.
[00:25.94]I am so hot.
[00:28.37]I can imagine...
[00:30.64]that you’re hot.
[00:32.88]Hey. So I’m not gay,dude.
[00:36.31]Rich, hi.
[00:40.89]Hello, hi, hey. Hi.
[00:43.52]I didn’t realize there was a line here.
[00:46.59]No,no,that’s okay. I gotta go.
[00:48.63]Halt! I mean, wait.
[00:51.90]There’s a little soirée at my house tonight.
[00:54.47]Course that’s redundant...
[00:55.67]I don’t know what I’m talking about.
[00:57.50]No,a party. More of a party than a French thing. Music, drinks, prizes.
[01:02.01]Party.
[01:03.41]- Sounds fun. - It is fun, will be, in the future.
[01:06.68]And goddamn it, you’re invited, officially.
[01:09.55]Wow.
[01:11.32]Thanks.
[01:12.52]6337 Hackberry Drive...
[01:14.35]Zip’s 98401, if you’re Mapquesting.
[01:17.56]Well, maybe we could stop by.
[01:19.12]Cool, or not, whatever.
[01:20.42]I mean, you come, you come. If you don’t, you don’t.
[01:23.39]You humiliated me and insulted her.
[01:28.17]Are you prepared to die?
[01:30.40]Sorry.
[01:34.04]You must be Beth Cooper’s boyfriend.
[01:37.84]I have to go to the bathroom.
[01:41.08]Um...
[01:47.52]I’m gonna give you ten seconds to convince me why I should let you live.
[01:53.26]I think you mean "persuade," not "convince."
[01:56.73]Is there a problem here?
[02:07.41]No, ma’am.
[02:10.24]My hand, it just slipped.
[02:12.84]You know I can’t allow you to kill him on school property?
[02:17.52]Yes, ma’am.
[02:20.22]Baby. Not nice.
[02:27.73]- You okay? - Great, yeah.
[02:29.59]Okay. You know, on the bright side, Beth Cooper talked to you.
[02:33.86]Whoo! Let’s go!
[02:36.27]School’s out! We did it! We did it! Party!
[02:40.24]Ooh. That can’t be good.
[02:48.15]Losers!
[02:49.35]All right, keep in touch.
[02:51.48]So, look, I’m not gay, you know, so... Yeah.
[02:56.59]Okay, yeah.
[02:58.22]No, I mean, it’s cool if you are, too, really.
[03:01.79]Really, I’m not. No soy homo.
[03:04.76]All right. That’s awesome.
[03:06.50]What makes you think I’m gay?
[03:09.77]I don’t know... everybody thinks you’re gay, Rich.
[03:12.27]Well, they don’t know me. You know me.
[03:13.90]What makes you think I’m gay?
[03:32.12]Okay, I got an idea.
[03:34.39]I’m Robin Hood. You’re Friar Tuck.
[03:36.83]We get your dad’s camcorder and we do a shot-for-shot recreation...
[03:40.13]of their climactic sword fight...
[03:43.70]using our boners. Ha.
[03:54.81]Nothing in particular, I guess.
[03:57.98]Well, I mean, is it because of Drama Club?
[04:00.05]Because, you know, a lot of professional actors are gay.
[04:03.19]More than half.
[04:04.72]Rich, it’s just that all through high school and even before...
[04:09.63]you never really had a girlfriend.
[04:13.63]- Neither did you. - I tried.
[04:15.97]Oh, ha, ha, ha. Patty Keck?
[04:17.80]- Her, yes. - Your secret shame.
[04:20.24]My point is... I had one.
[04:23.54]Just so you know, making out with a girl like that...
[04:25.78]I’m not sure that’s not gay.
[04:31.65]What is this? Give me it. Let go of it. I wanna see.
[04:35.19]- No. - Wow.
[04:36.85]Whatever.
[04:38.06]- That’s awesome. IPod. - It’s silly.
[04:40.39]No, that’s really nice. That’s great.
[04:42.53]Yeah, my mom and dad gave it...
[04:45.30]Dude, you know what I got for graduation?
[04:47.33]- No. - A bill.
[04:49.60]Yeah, my dad says I owe him 233,850 bucks.
[04:53.97]A quarter of a million dollars?
[04:55.81]And then they expect you to buy your own shoes.
[04:59.24]Yeah. Well, no, that includes 50 grand for "wear and tear" on my mother.
[05:04.15]She is pretty worn and torn,you know.
[05:07.35]Yeah.
[05:09.79]Well, in any case, I’m sorry your dad’s such a dick.
[05:14.89]And it was completely itemized, very detailed.
[05:19.33]Who knew he was paying attention?
[05:34.65]Hey-o.
[05:37.31]- Check out the new kicks. - Oh, cool.
[05:39.22]Two paychecks. Very Gene Kelly, circa 1945,don’t you think?
[05:44.49]- Yeah. They’re nice. - Dude.
[05:46.09]Don’t be so nervous. She’s not gonna come.
[05:47.69]I’m not nervous, I’m particular. There’s a difference.
[05:50.86]You know what, they can smell fear.
[05:52.36]- No, they can’t. - I can smell it.
[05:56.67]- Ooh. - Ooh.
[05:57.87]- Fear. - Mm.
[05:59.34]You know, puberty has done nothing but screw me.
[06:02.67]Dude, what are you doing?
[06:04.04]I’m airing out my shirt.
[06:05.88]- What? - Come on.
[06:07.08]I don’t want a stinky shirt.
[06:08.51]Dude. Ha, ha, ha.
[06:10.88]Why are you laughing? This is how you do this.
[06:14.59]Hey. Mom, Dad.
[06:16.89]Well, it looks like this party’s well underway.
[06:18.96]Hola, Mrs. C.
[06:20.39]Rich, don’t call me Mrs. C, I mean it.
[06:22.03]Now get off the counter. Oh.
[06:24.80]Denis Petey Cooverman, look at you.
[06:26.80]You look so cute.
[06:28.57]Super cute.
[06:30.67]She doesn’t mean that.
[06:31.87]You look good. You look cool.
[06:33.27]Yeah.
[06:34.47]You just might want to lower the waist of those pants a little bit.
[06:38.34]Oh, you’re not wearing those awful underpants.
[06:40.91]Mom. God.
[06:42.21]I gotta go along with your mom...
[06:44.25]on the lucky underpants, buddy. What if you do get lucky?
[06:46.75]Once she gets to the underpants, they’re a deal breaker.
[06:49.09]They are not nice underpants.
[06:50.99]He is not wearing those ratty things, and he’s not getting lucky.
[06:53.82]Not on my watch.
[06:57.70]So, how many people are you expecting at this shin-dizzle?
[07:00.83]- Oh, not too many. - None.
[07:03.30]Well, it wouldn’t be a celebration without champagne.
[07:07.04]- Oh. - Oh, ho, ho. That is negligent.
[07:10.27]My dad used to give me an occasional beer...
[07:12.24]but that was just to get me to take a nap.
[07:15.21]Well, one glass per guest. And no one who drinks, drives.
[07:18.45]And I know exactly how many bottles are in the wine rack: 23.
[07:21.85]Here’s all of our numbers. If an...
[07:23.52]If anybody’s dead or on fire, call 911 first.
[07:27.83]What’s the matter? Bad advice?
[07:29.63]I have to get my purse. I’ll meet you out front.
[07:32.30]- Honey, have fun. - Okay.
[07:34.30]Not too much fun.
[07:35.57]Not much danger of that, Mrs. C.
[07:38.30]- Bye, Mom! - Bye, honey.
[07:40.77]Denis, let me talk to you.
[07:47.21]Okay, look. This is your last summer before college.
[07:51.62]That accelerated medical program...
[07:53.42]isn’t gonna leave time for parties...
[07:55.45]so I want you to enjoy this summer.
[07:57.69]Okay, yeah, sure, no, I’ll try.
[07:59.39]Get out there!
[08:00.66]Do all those teen things you haven’t had a chance to do.
[08:03.76]That’s gonna be hard. He hasn’t done any of them.
[08:06.26]You know, this whole teenager coming-of-age thing, I mean...
[08:10.50]it’s a relatively new construct.
[08:13.04]They came up with it in the ’50s,so...
[08:15.57]It’s okay just to have fun sometimes.
[08:18.11]Sometimes you just have to say, "What the F."
[08:21.58]Curtis Armstrong, Risky Business, 1983, Paul Brickman.
[08:24.41]Except he didn’t say "F," he said "Fuck."
[08:31.49]You know what I mean. Carpe diem.
[08:34.53]I didn’t know you were such a movie buff, Mr. C.
[08:38.06]Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society.
[08:39.90]Yes, thank you. Thank you, Rich. We know. It’s good.
[08:44.60]Come here, please.
[08:51.01]There are condoms in my bedside table.
[08:58.28]Do you, like, know exactly how many there are?
[09:02.99]They are not toys.
[09:09.29]- Yeah. - Sure.
[09:16.20]I think my dad wants us to have sex.
[09:19.84]- With each other? - No.
[09:21.71]Right.
[09:22.94]She should really be here by now.
[09:26.78]So your parents use condoms?
[09:28.68]Not a topic for discussion. Ever.
[09:31.08]Okay. No, it’s okay. I won’t.
[09:32.65]I just, yeah, I mean, what, do you think they’re lubed? Or...
[09:35.52]Incoming!
[09:39.42]Go, go, go!
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