11-14 如何克服你的羞怯感（在线收听）

How to Overcome Your Shyness

Shyness is the cause of much unhappiness for a great many of people. All kinds of people describe themselves as shy. Shy people are anxious and self-conscious; that is that they are excessively concerned with their own appearance and actions. Worrisome¹ thoughts are constantly swirling in their minds. What kind of impression am I making? Do they like me? Do I sound stupid? I’m ugly. I’m wearing unattractive clothes. It’s obvious that such uncomfortable feelings must affect people adversely². A person’s self-concept is reflected in the way he or she behaves, and the way a person behaves affects other people’s reactions.

Shy people, having low self esteem, are likely to be passive and easily influenced by others. They need reassurance³ that they are doing “the right thing”. Shy people are very sensitive to criticism. They feel it confirms their inferiority⁴. They also find it difficult to be pleased by compliments because they believe they are unworthy of praise. A shy person may respond to a compliment with a statement like this one: “Your are just saying that to make me feel good. I know it’s not true.” It’s clear that, while self-awareness is a healthy quality, overdoing it is detrimental⁵, or harmful. Then, can shyness be completely eliminated, or at least reduced?

Yes!Here are some specific helpful steps toward building self-confidence and overcoming shyness.

1. Recognize your personal strengths and weaknesses. Everyone has both. As self-acceptance grows, shyness naturally diminishes.

2. Set reasonable goals. For example, you may be timid⁶ about being with a group of strangers at a party. Don’t feel that you must converse with everyone. Concentrate on talking with one or two people. You’ll feel more comfortable.

3. Guilt and shame are destructive feelings. Don’t waste time and energy on them. Suppose, you have hurt someone’s feelings. Feeling ashamed accomplishes nothing. Instead, accept the fact that you have made a mistake, and make up your mind to be more sensitive in the future.

4. There are numerous approaches to all issues. Few options are completely right or wrong. Don’t be afraid to speak up and give your point of view.

5. Don’t make negative comments about yourself. This is a form of self-rejection. Avoid describing yourself as stupid, ugly, a failure. Accent⁷ the positive.

6. Accept criticism thoughtfully. Do not interpret it as a personal attack. If, for example, a friend complains about your cooking, accept it as a comment on your cooking, not yourself. Be assured that you are still good friends, but perhaps your cooking could improve.

7. Remember that everyone experiences some failures and disappointments. Profit from them as learning experiences. Very often a disappointment becomes a turning point for a wonderful experience to come along. For instance, you may be rejected by the college of your choice. However, at the college you actually attend, you may find a quality of education beyond what you had expected.

8. Do not associate with people who make you feel inadequate. Try to change their attitude or yours, or remove yourself from that relationship. People who hurt you do not have your best interests at heart.

9. Set aside time to relax, enjoy hobbies, and re-evaluate your goals regularly. Time spent this way helps you learn more about yourself.

10. Practice being in social occasions. Don’t isolate yourself from people. Try making one acquaintance at a time; eventually you circulate in large groups with skill and self-assurance.

Each of us is a unique, valuable individual. We are interesting in our personal ways. The better we understand ourselves, the easier it becomes to live up to our full potential. Let’s not allow shyness to block our chances for a rich and fulfilling life.

注释：

1. worrisome [5wQrisEm] a. 令人担心的，使人发愁的

2. adversely [5AdvE:sli] ad. 不利地，有害地

3. reassurance [7ri:E5FuErEns] n. 再保证，再安慰

4. inferiority [in7fiEri5Criti] n. 劣等，下位，自卑情绪，自卑感

5. detrimental [7detri5mentl] a. 有害的，不利的

6. timid [5timid] a. 胆怯的，羞怯的

7. accent [5AksEnt] vt. 着重，强调

如何克服你的羞怯感

对许多人来说，羞怯是造成很多不愉快的原因。有各种各样的人认为自己是羞怯的。羞怯的人焦虑不安，并有较强的自我意识，即他们过分关注自己的外表和举止。他们一天到晚提心吊胆。我给人们留下了什么印象？他们喜欢我吗？我冒傻气吗？我长得难看。我穿的衣服毫无吸引力。很显然，这种不自在的感觉会对人们产生不利的影响。一个人对自己的看法反映在其行为方式中，而一个人的行为方式又影响他人的反应。

　　羞怯的人自尊心较弱,容易消极被动，并且易受他人影响。他们需要得到一再确认他们是在做“正确的事情”。羞怯的人对批评非常敏感。他们觉得批评证实他们不如他人。此外，他们也觉得很难因别人的赞美而高兴，因为他们认为自己不值得称赞。一个羞怯的人会以这样的话语来回答他人的赞美之辞：“你这么说只不过是想让我感觉好点罢了，我知道这不是真的。” 很明显，尽管自知之明是一种健康的品质，但过分的自我意识却是有害无益。那么，能彻底消除或至少减轻羞怯感吗？

　　能!以下是一些具体有效的步骤，能帮助你树立自信心并克服羞怯感。

　　1、认清自己的优缺点。每个人既有优点也有缺点。随着对自我的不断认同，羞怯感会自然减少。

　　2、确定合理的目标。例如：你可能在聚会时和一群陌生人呆在一起会感到胆怯。不要觉得你必须和每一个人交谈。集中精力仅和一、两个人交谈，这样你会感到更自在些。

　　3、内疚和羞耻感是相当消极的感情，不要因此而浪费时间和精力。假设你伤害了某人的感情，感到羞愧于事无补。相反，应该承认你犯了一个错误，并决心在将来更加注意考虑他人的感受。

　　4、所有问题都有许多种解决途径，完全正确或完全错误的办法是很少的。不要怕开口，要敢于表达自己的意见。

　　5、不要消极地评论自己。这是自我厌弃的一种形式。千万别认为自己是愚蠢的、难看的，或是个失败者。要强调积极的方面。

　　6、理性地接受批评。不要把批评理解为人身攻击。例如有一位朋友说你的烹饪技术不高，把这当成是对你的烹饪技术而不是对你本人的评价而接受下来。确信你们还是好朋友，但也许你的烹饪技术有待改进。

　　7、记住每个人都会经历一些失败和失望。把它们作为增长见识的经历，从中受益。挫折往往会成为一个转机，随之而来的将是一段美好的经历。例如，你可能被你所选择的大学拒之门外，然而在你现在就读的大学里，你可能发现这里的教学质量比你预想的要好。

　　8、如果有人使你觉得自己不够好，那就不要同他们来往。设法改变他们的或你本人的态度，或者中止与他们交往。伤害你的人不会关心你真正的利益。

　　9、留点时间休息、消遣，并且定期重新审定你的目标。为此所花的时间可以帮助你更好地了解自己。

　　10、多在社交场合中锻炼。不要把自己同他人隔离开来。设法一次结识一位朋友，最终你将能够熟练自信地与众人交往。

我们每个人都是独一无二的、有价值的个体，自有吸引人之处。我们对自己了解得越多，就越容易充分发挥自己的潜力。不要让羞怯成为我们丰富生活和走向成功的绊脚石。