老师们是怎么被气疯的

　　TEACHER: Peter, what is the outside of a tree called?

　　老师：彼得，树的最外层叫做什么？

　　PETER: I don't know, Ma'am.

　　彼得：老师，我不知道。

　　TEACHER: Bark, Peter, bark!

　　老师：树皮（叫啊），彼得，是树皮（叫啊）！

　　PETER: Wow, wow, wow!

　　彼得：汪——汪——汪！

　　TEACHER: What is the most popular answer to the teacher's questions?

　　老师：对老师的问题最常用的回答是什么？

　　STUDENT: I don't know ma'am.

　　学生：我不知道，老师。

　　TEACHER: Correct!

　　老师：完全正确！

　　COOL STUDENT: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?

　　酷学生：老师，你不会为我没做过的事而惩罚我吧？

　　TEACHER: No.

　　老师：当然不会。

　　COOL STUDENT: Good, cause I didn't do my homework!

　　酷学生：太好了，我没做作业！

　　TEACHER: Where were you born?

　　老师：你出生在哪里？

　　STUDENT: Singapore, Sir.

　　学生：新加坡。

　　TEACHER: Which part?

　　老师：哪部分（哪个地区？）

　　STUDENT: All of me, Sir.

　　学生：我整个都是出生在那儿的，老师。

　　TEACHER: Johnny, give me a sentence using the word "I."

　　老师：约翰尼，用“I”开头造一个句子。

　　JOHNNY: I is...

　　约翰尼：I is...

　　TEACHER: No Johnny, always use "I am."

　　老师：不对，约翰尼，要说“I am”。

　　JOHNNY: Oh, alright. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

　　约翰尼：哦，好吧。“I是字母表中的第9个字母。”

　　TEACHER: What is the longest and what is the shortest?

　　老师：最长的和最短的分别是什么？

　　STUDENT: The last several minutes of a class is the longest, while the last several minutes of an exam is the shortest.

　　学生：一堂课的最后几分钟最长，考试交卷前的几分钟最短。

　　TEACHER: Michael, go to the map and show me where America is.

　　老师：迈克尔，到地图前面指出美洲大陆在哪儿。

　　MICHAEL: Here it is!

　　迈克尔：在这儿！

　　TEACHER: Good. Now class, who discovered America?

　　老师：很好。现在，同学们告诉我是谁发现的美洲大陆？

　　STUDENT: Michael!!

　　学生：迈克尔！

　　JOHNNY: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test, Sir.

　　约翰尼：老师，我觉得我的试卷不应该得零分。

　　TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.

　　老师：我也同意，可这已经是我能给的最低分了。

　　TEACHER: Can you tell me anything about the great scientists of the 18th century?

　　老师：关于18世纪伟大的科学家们，你能说点儿什么吗？

　　PUPIL: Yes, sir, I can. They are all dead.

　　学生：能，老师。他们都死了。

　　TEACHER: George, didn't you promise me to behave?

　　老师：乔治，你是不是向我保证过要好好表现的？

　　GEORGE: Yes sir.

　　乔治：是的，老师。

　　TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you when you misbehave?

　　老师：还有，我是不是说过如果你表现不好就要惩罚你？

　　GEORGE: Yes sir. But since I didn't keep my promise, you don't need to keep yours.

　　乔治：老师，你是说过。不过既然我没能遵守我的诺言，你也就不用遵守你的了。

　　TEACHER: What's the shape of our earth?

　　老师：地球是什么形状的？

　　STUDENT: It's round.

　　学生：圆的。

　　TEACHER: Well, how do you know it is round?

　　老师：那么，你是怎么知道它是圆的呢？

　　STUDENT: All right, it's square then. I don't want to start an argument about it.

　　学生：好吧，就算它是方的吧。我可不想就此展开一场争论。

　　TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?

　　老师：如果我一只手里拿着7个橘子，另一只手里拿着8个橘子，我有什么呀？

　　CLASS: Big hands!

　　全班同学：大手！

　　TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-feet snake.

　　老师：这个盘子里有一条长着10只脚的蛇。（应为10英尺长的蛇）

　　STUDENT: You can't fool me, sir... snakes don't have feet.

　　学生：老师，你骗不了我。蛇没有脚。

　　TEACHER: How old is your father?

　　老师：你爸爸多大了？

　　STUDENT: As old as me.

　　学生：和我一样大。

　　TEACHER: How can that be?

　　老师：这怎么可能？

　　STUDENT: He became a father only when I was born.

　　学生：我出生时他才成为我爸爸的嘛。

　　TEACHER: John, I hope I didn't see you looking at Mary's paper.

　　老师：约翰，我真希望我没看到你在偷看玛丽的试卷。

　　JOHN: I hope you didn't either.

　　约翰：我也真希望你没看见。

　　TEACHER: Spell "WATER."

　　老师：拼出“water（水）”这个词。

　　PUPIL: OK, H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.

　　学生：H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O。

　　TEACHER: That doesn't spell "WATER."

　　老师：这些拼不出“水这个词”。

　　PUPIL: Yes, it does it's all the letters from "H to O".

　　学生：怎么拼不出，这些就是H到O的所有字母。（水的分子式是H2O）

　　TEACHER: How do you think Shakespeare wrote such master pieces?

　　老师：你认为莎士比亚是怎样写出那些伟大的作品的？

　　COLLEGE STUDENT: With a pencil, ma'am, either a 2B or not 2B.

　　大学学生：是用铅笔，老师，是2B的或者不是2B的。

　　TEACHER: Jimmy, you missed school last Friday.

　　老师：吉米，你上星期五没来上课（你很遗憾没来上课；miss缺勤；因为没有……而感到遗憾）

　　JIMMY: You're wrong, Sir.

　　吉米：老师，你错了。

　　TEACHER: Wrong, how is that?

　　老师：错了，怎么会？

　　JIMMY: I was absent, yes but I certainly didn't miss it!

　　吉米：我是没来上课，没错，可是我一点儿也不遗憾。

　　TEACHER: Peter, why are you late for school again?

　　老师：彼得，你为什么又迟到了？

　　PETER: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.

　　彼得：是这样的，老师，我梦见我正在踢球，而且比赛进入了加时赛。

　　SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?

　　代课老师：你是不是在嚼口香糖？

　　BILLY: No, I;m Billy Andersen.

　　学生：不是，我是比利·安德生。

　　TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

　　老师：汤米，你为什么总是脏兮兮的？

　　TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

　　汤米：那是因为比起您来，我要离地面近多了。

　　TEACHER: Johnny, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

　　老师：约翰尼，你的作文《我的狗》和你哥哥的作文一字不差。你是不是抄的他的呀？

　　JOHNNY: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

　　约翰尼：不是的，老师。只是我们写的是同一只狗！

　　TEACHER: Mike, name one important thing that we have today and we don't 10 years ago.

　　老师：迈克，说出一样我们10年前没有而现在有了的重要的东西。

　　MIKE: Me!!!

　　迈克：我啊！！

　　TEACHER: David, why don't you wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.

　　老师：大卫，你怎么不洗脸？我都能看出你早上吃的是什么。

　　DAVID: What was it?

　　大卫：是什么？

　　TEACHER: Eggs.

　　老师：鸡蛋。

　　DAVID: Wrong, ma'am. That was yesterday.

　　大卫：错了，老师。那是昨天吃的。

　　重点讲解：

　　1. all of

　　一共；足足；至少；

　　eg. It took him all of 41 minutes to score his first goal.

　　足足过了41分钟他才进了第一个球。

　　eg. I'm just checking up on Kim. It'll take me all of five minutes.

　　我只是要督促一下金，总共也就需要5分钟。

　　2. promise to do sth.

　　承诺；保证；答应做某事；

　　eg. The post office has promised to resume first class mail delivery to the area on Friday...

　　邮局承诺于星期五恢复对这个地区第一类邮件的递送。

　　eg. The program has lived up to its promise to promote family welfare.

　　这个项目恪守了其改善家庭福利的承诺。

　　3. either...or...

　　不是……就是……；要么……要么……；

　　eg. You can vote either in person or by proxy .

　　你可以亲自投票或请人代理。

　　eg. His yawns suggested he was either tired or bored.

　　他呵欠连天说明他不是疲倦，就是厌倦。

　　4. be late for

　　迟到；

　　eg. The manager fired Bob because he was always late for work.

　　鲍勃因上班总迟到而被经理解雇。

　　eg. He was late for school, as was often the case with him.

　　他上学迟到已是家常便饭了。

　　5. the same as

　　与…相似；与…一样；

　　eg. This answer must be a crib: it's exactly the same as Jones's.

　　这个答案可能是抄袭来的，跟琼斯的答案一模一样。

　　eg. Rick hasn't changed. He looks exactly the same as he did at school.

　　里克一点儿没变，他和上学时一模一样。