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Marriage in Iran and America: A Study in Contrasts
Though marriage is practiced in almost all countries of the world, the customs are quite different from one culture to another. It is interesting for me to compare the customs of marriage in the United States with those in my country.
I've lived in the U.S. for four years now, but I'm still not comfortable with the customs here. In fact, what seems strange to me is that courting or dating is not always for the purpose of finding a husband or wife. Some people seem to do it as a hobby.
Here in the United States, I have noticed that courting is begun by the young couple themselves, and they seem to have a lot of freedom to decide and do what they want. Both young men and women date a number of different people. They do it without the knowledge or help or their parents. In fact, I have known several friends who got married without even telling their parents or other family members.
At the actual wedding ceremony, the father of the bride symbolically gives his daughter to the groom. It's only a custom, I think, because the bride and groom already know each other quit well. The bride and groom stand together in front of the religious leader or government official to be married. The official reads from a short prepared speech and then asks both the man and woman if they are willing to be married to the other. If they both say "yes," and nobody attending the wedding stands up to object, they are declared "man and wife." It is interesting that the two families are asked if there are any objections right during the ceremony. Perhaps it is because the family members are not as involved in the wedding preparations as they are in Iran.
Marriage is different in a number of ways in my country. In Iran, courting is more serious, and is performed strictly for the purpose of marriage. It is definitely not a part of the fun-filled years of growing up like it is here in America. It is the mother of the young man who initiates the process by visiting the home of a potential bride. She goes to inspect the girl, and discover the position and wealth of the girl's family. If she is pleased, then she will return another day with her son. If her son is also pleased, then the two families get together to talk about the dowry, the wedding ceremony, who they will hire to perform the marriage and other matters.
The actual marriage ceremony is quite different, however, from the American wedding ceremonies I have seen. The bride, dressed in white, with a veil over her face, sits in a room alone. She sits on a special piece of silk which is surrounded on two sides by very long pieces of flat bread. Two mullahs stand outside the door to this room reading from the Koran. Twice the bride must remain silent to the questions of the mullahs. The groom's mother then presents a gift of gold to show that her side of the family is serious. The bride then responds to the mullahs in much the same manner as do Americans when they say "I do." The groom is allowed to go into the bride's room while the mullahs take care of the official marriage papers.
One more difference between the marriage customs of the United States and my country is that the bride does not immediately go to the home of her new husband. For several months, she continues to stay at her own home preparing her dowry and receiving instructions from her mother on how to be a good wife and mother. After a few moths, the groom and his relatives come for the bride and take her to his home along with the dowry.
Though I can certainly see the advantages of the freedom that freedom that is given to American youths to choose whom they will marry and when, I think I still prefer the customs of my home country. I suppose that's be cause there is not so much guessing and uncertainty.
伊朗和美国的婚俗：一项对比研究
虽然几乎全世界所有国家的人民习惯上都操办婚事，但结婚的风俗具有某一种文化观念的国家同另外一些文化观念的国家却完全不同。让我来比较一下美国的婚俗跟我的祖国伊朗的婚俗是很有趣的。
虽然到现在为止我已经在美国生活四年了，但我对这里的风俗仍然感到不习惯。事实上，令我感到不可思议的事情就是在美国求爱和约会异性的目的并不总是为了要找到丈夫或老婆。我觉得有些美国人把求爱和约会异性当成了一种嗜好。
在美国，谈恋爱是由一对一对的年青人自由自主开始进行的。我的思想上觉得美国青年人在决定或者做他们想做的事情方面有很大的自由。青年男女双方都跟为数众多的异性约会过。他们跟异性约会时，他们的父母连知道都不知道，也插不上手来帮帮忙。事实上，有认识好几个美国朋友，他们在结婚时，甚至连自己的父母或家中其他的人都没有告诉。
在真正举行婚礼时，新娘的父亲才象征性地做做样子把他的女儿交给新郎。我认为，这样做只是按风俗习惯办事而已，因为新娘和新郎互相间早已经很了解了。新娘和新郎一起站在宗教领袖或政府官员面前被宣布正式结婚。这位政府官员在宣读了一篇现成的简短演讲词以后就会问当事人的男女双方，他们是否愿意同对方成亲。如果他们二人都回答"愿意"，然后参加婚礼的人中又没有人站起来反对他们结婚，那么他们就被宣布为"正式夫妻"了。就在举行婚礼的过程中，要征询双方的家人，有没有反对这两人结婚的意见，这实在太滑稽有趣了。也许这样做是因为这两家的家庭成员都不像在我们伊朗那样要参与婚礼的筹备工作的缘故吧。
操办婚事在我的祖国有很多做法都是跟美国不同的。在伊朗，提亲要更加严肃。提亲的目的很严格就是要成亲结婚。绝对不像美国这里，提亲谈情说爱成了成年以后玩乐年代生活的一部分。正是那位男青年的母亲前去拜访准新娘的家，由这就开始了谈婚论嫁的全过程。她去相看一下那位姑娘，并且还要查看姑娘家的地位权势和家庭财产。如果她对这件事满意了，那么改天她会带上她儿子再来。如果她儿子对这档婚事也满意，那么这两家人就聚集到一起来谈嫁妆问题，谈婚礼问题。谈他们将聘请谁来担任结婚典礼的司仪，还谈其他别的一些事情。
但，真正的伊朗人的结婚典礼跟我所见过的几次美国人的婚礼就完全不同了。新娘身穿一身白色，脸上罩着面纱，一个人独自坐在一个房间里。她坐在一块特制的丝绸上面，丝绸的两边围着很长的扁平的面包。两位毛拉站在新娘独坐的那间房子的门外朗育《古兰经》。新娘必须对毛拉头两次提出的问题保持沉默。这时新郎的母亲要赠给新娘一件金制的礼品以表明她家这一方是严肃诚恳的。然后新娘这才回答毛拉的提问，有和美国新娘一样的方式回答说："我愿意嫁给他。"在毛拉负责验证官方颁发的结婚证之后，这才允许新郎进入新娘的房间。
我的祖国与美国在婚俗上还有一点不同，那就是新娘并不立即就到她的新婚的丈夫家去。婚礼以后的最初几个月，她要继续住在自己的娘家，以便准备嫁妆，以便接受母亲关于怎样做一个贤妻良母的培训和教诲。过了两三个月以后，新娘及他的亲属们前来接新娘，把她和她的嫁妆一起带回丈夫家。
尽管我肯定能看到给予美国年青人以选择同谁结婚和什么时候结婚的自由，这的确有一些好处；但是，我想我还是宁愿采取我的祖国的婚姻习俗。我想，这可能是因为伊朗人的做法没有那么多猜测和不知根不知底细的因素。 |