我的一个朋友约翰总是有很多话和我说。他深知年轻人需要年长的、有见识的人来教会他们一些事情，诸如应该相信谁，怎样关心别人，以及怎样让自己的生命尽其所能。最近，约翰的妻子珍妮特去世了。八年来，珍妮特一直与癌症抗争，但是最后去还是无法从病魔的手中逃出。

One day John took out a folded piece of paper from his wallet. He had found it, so he told me, when he tidied up some drawers at home. It was a small love letter Janet had written. The note could look like a school girl's scrawls about her dream guy. All that was missing was a drawing of a heart with the names John and Janet written in it. But the small letter was written by a woman who had had seven children; a woman who fought for her life and who probably only had a few months left to live.

有一天，约翰从他的钱包拿出一张折叠着的纸。他告诉我，这是他在家里清理抽屉的时候无意找到的。这是一份珍妮特的小情书，我们会以为它可能不过是学生妹对自己的白马王子的胡言乱语罢了。但是这份小情书里面却尽是约翰和珍妮特之间款款深情的见证，这是一个有七个孩子的女人写的，她与病魔奋力抗争，即使她知道自己可能只有几个月的时间了。

It was also a beautiful recipe for how to keep a marriage together. Janet's description of her husband begins thus: "Loved me. Took care of me. Worried about me."

这也是对于如何维系婚姻的最好解答。珍妮特对于自己丈夫的描述是这样开始的：“始终深爱我，不辞辛劳地照顾我，无论何时都关心我。”

Even though John always had a ready answer, he never joked about cancer apparently. Sometimes he came home in the evening to find Janet in the middle of one of those depressions cancer patients so often get. In no time he got her into the car and drove her to her favourite restaurant. 

即使约翰的心中一直都对珍妮特的病情清楚，但他从来不拿癌症的事情开玩笑。有的时候他晚上回到家，发现珍妮特再一次处在癌症带来的沮丧之中的时候，他每次都会送她上车，然后去她最爱的饭馆好好开心一下。

He showed consideration for her, and she knew it. You cannot hide something for someone who knows better.

"Helped me when I was ill," the next line reads. Perhaps Janet wrote this while the cancer was in one of the horrible and wonderful lulls. Where everything is -- almost -- as it used to be, before the sickness broke out, and where it doesn't hurt to hope that everything is over, maybe forever.

"Forgave me a lot."

"Stood by my side."

他关心她，而珍妮特或许比约翰更深知这份关心。这就是所谓的你不可能把一些感情藏起来，因为对方比你更了解你。

“在我需要的时候一直关心着我。”接下来的一句这样写到。或许珍妮特是在癌症有所缓解的时候写下这些文字的。癌症还没有被发现的时候，两人的生活日复一日，都以为日子会这样继续，如果可以甚至希望永远。

“对我总是很包容。”

“始终在我身边陪伴。”

And a piece of good advice for everyone who looks on giving constructive criticism as a kind of sacred duty: "Always praising." 

"Made sure I had everything I needed," she goes on to write.

After that she has turned over the paper and added: "Warmth. Humour. Kindness. Thoughtfulness." And then she writes about the husband she has lived with and loved the most of her life: "Always there for me when I needed you." 

The last words she wrote sum up all the others. I can see her for me where she adds thoughtfully: "Good friend."

接下来一句对于那些喜欢给对方一些建设性批评的人很有借鉴作用，他们以为批评是一种神圣的责任，其实不然：“总是会夸奖我。”

“总是可以让我得到我想要的。”她紧接着写到。

这句之后她翻过纸在背面补充到：“热情、幽默、善良、体贴。”而她最爱这个和她生活的丈夫的一点是：“他总是会在你需要的时候出现。”

I stand beside John now, and cannot even pretend to know how it feels to lose someone who is as close to me as Janet was to him. I need to hear what he has to say much more than he needs to talk. 

"John," I ask. "How do you stick together with someone through 38 years -- not to mention the sickness? How do I know if I can bear to stand by my wife's side if she becomes sick one day?"

"You can," he says quietly. "If you love her enough, you can."

我站在约翰的身边，我不能装作我知道失去至爱的感受，就像约翰失去珍妮特一样。我想听一听他真正想说的是什么，而不是那些他不得不说的套话。

我说：“约翰，即使不说癌症的那些日子，你怎么可以和一个人生活38年毫无厌倦呢？如果有一天我的妻子也得病，我怎么知道自己能不能一直守候在她的身边呢？”

他平静地说：“你一定可以，只要你爱得够深。”