访谈录 Interview 2007-01-16&18, 当孩子爱上一个不该爱的人（在线收听） |
| Well, those be with teenage children probably have seen them go out with somebody that you really didn't care for. If you think your teen is dating a loser or, uh, maybe you just don't approve she be tried some tough love. Well, Early Show correspondent Debbye Turner has some answers, I'm dreading the day as a mother of three children Your day's coming... He's start dating. Help yourself here, Debbye. It is a real dilemma, understand that can make or break a parents' relationship with a teenager, one 17-year-old and her mother know this all too well. Teen love can be torture for parents. When you saw her for the first time, what did you think? I thought she was adorable. The first thing that struck me was a smile though. It was huge, just instantly happy from the moment I met him. The 2 New York teens met on My Space a little more than a year ago. Even Brianna's mother Diana acquired a proof in the beginning, but as time went by, Diana says Brianna's behavior changed, Brianna started hanging out with a different set of friends and... She cut school one day, she was at Mike's school with him but didn't go to her own school. It was like what's going on with that character for her. Diana decided to forbid Brianna from seeing Mike during the week, and that's when the sparks between these two teen love birds turned into a fireworks between mother and daughter. How bad has it gone? It's gotten really really bad, it's gotten to the point where, uh, she ran away, she's called police on me because she doesn't wanna come home. In fact, Diana's strict rules had almost no effect on Brianna and Mike seeing each other. Of course us being teenagers, we still found the time to see each other, somehow, someway we did it. The problem with the prohibition is that it's going to make the relationship go underground. According to adolescent psychiatrist Nina Freund, trying to exert absolute control over a teen is absolutely impossible. The ways and places and times of the day that one can find to have sex with another individual are infinite. So unless you're gonna be by your child's side all day, everyday, a prohibition is probably doom to failure. Teen love that leads to parental angst is not at all uncommon, in fact, Hollywood has covered the topic. You are gonna meet a lot guys that you are just with that tired. There is even a whole show on MTV dedicated to parents trying to encourage their teens to dump their boyfriends. But there is one humongous problem, her boyfriend is a putz. Can a parent control who their teen dates? Probably not that much. She is dating child. But what should you do when your teen's heart throb gives you heart burn? Stop your side of the battle, start to listen and ask a lot of questions. Questions like what you like about him? What makes you feel that way and how has he been to you and a few boundaries can heard either. I never did give her a curfew, I never stick on her back, maybe I should have, you know, went that way and I wouldn't be worrying him today. The most important thing is that you maintained a close and trusting relationship with your child even when you both disagree. As long as that's all you talk about, and as long as you let that be the one thing that makes you so unhappy, your child's not gonna actually talk to you about anything else either. Of course the nice thing about the teen years is they don't last forever. I've gone through my older one, so I know already what's going to come. And it's not like I want anyone to tell me you are right, Mum, but I know that's what's gonna happen. I guess all mothers know that, now experts say that unless there is abuse drugs or other serious issues involved, parents should let their relationship just run its course because let's face it, teens generally change their friends as often as they change hair styles. And Henal, although the experts say don't forbid, you can set boundaries, have the kids over to your house, so we can watch what they are doing. Check them out Check them out, baby. Debbye Turner, thanks. |
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