My Best Friend’s Wedding（在线收听）

Michael: I called because I met someone.

Julianne: Well, that’s great. That’s great ’cause you haven’t really seen anybody, have you — since ¹⁾dingbat Jenny Lee.

Michael: No, you don’t understand. I’ve never felt this way about anybody. I mean, she’s all wrong for me.

Julianne: Well, there’s a good start.

Michael: Well no, I mean, she’s a junior at the University of Chicago. She’s 20. Her name’s Kim. Jules, you’re gonna to love her. She’s beautiful and her dad is this billionaire and he owns the White ²⁾Sox and some cable empire and, you know, I’ve always been kind of uncomfortable around rich people.

Julianne: Sure.

Michael: But they’re not like that. They’re such wonderful people. Really, ³⁾salt of the earth.

Julianne: So you’ve met her parents?

Michael: Yeah.

Julianne: Umhmm...

Michael: Jules, we’re getting married this Sunday. Hello? Hello?

Julianne: Michael....

Michael: Hello?

George: Listen, Jules, why don’t we just stop and have a drink and you can take a later flight?

Julianne: No, no, no, no. I’m a busy girl. I’ve got exactly four days to ⁴⁾break up a wedding, steal the bride’s ⁵⁾fella, and I haven’t one clue how to do it. He adored me for nine goddamn years, Me!

George: I can see why.

Julianne: Look, she has known him for what? Five seconds? OK, plus she’s got billions of dollars, plus she’s apparently perfect. OK, so don’t go feeling all sorry for Miss Preteen Illinois. I can’t lose him, George. I’m gonna bring him back.

Kimmy: Oh, this just makes everything so perfect! From the day I met Michael, all I’ve heard is Julianne this and Julianne that. I’ve never had a sister. (While driving) Right up, I have this ⁶⁾monstrous favor to ask you.

Julianne: Excuse me?

Kimmy: My best friend Angeline shattered her ⁷⁾pelvis line-dancing in Abilene over spring break. Be my maid of honor?

Julianne: What! Shouldn’t you promote a ⁸⁾bridesmaid or someone that you’ve known for at least 45 minutes?

Kimmy: My bridesmaids are my only two female relatives under the age of 40, debutante sisters from Nashville who are basically ⁹⁾vengeful ¹⁰⁾sluts. Oh my exit! So this means I have four days to make you my new best friend. It’s time for you to force yourself to get personal.

Kimmy’s mother: George?

George: Yes, darling?

Kimmy’s mother: How did you and Julianne meet?

Julianne: George is my editor.

George: Yes. But Poofy, we met a long time before that. Actually, it’s a very romantic story. Would you like to tell it, Sweet Pea?

Julianne: No, it’s private.

George: Hmm, not anymore. I first met Julianne in a mental institution. Julianne was obviously seeing some French chef she’d sent ¹¹⁾insane with a bad review. And I was there visiting Dionne Warwick.

Kimmy’s mother: Dionne Warwick?

George: Well yes, he thought he was Dionne Warwick.

Man 1: Who is Dionne Warwick?

George: Uh, ¹²⁾sacrilege, darling.

Sister: She’s Whitney Houston’s aunt.

Man 2: She’s very good on the ¹³⁾psychic friend’s network.

Michael: Isn’t she?

Sisters: (singing) Do you know the way to San Jose, la, la, la...

George: So there I was with Dionne, whose real name by the way is Jerry. We were having one hell of sing-song, and suddenly breezing through the doors from the electric shock ¹⁴⁾therapy room, I saw her. A vision in pink...

Michael: Pink? You don’t wear pink.

George: Oh, she does, Michael, sometimes. She does wear pink.

Julianne: George...

George: You do.

Julianne: I do.

George: I said to Dionne, ＂Dionne, who is this vision? Quesce c’est vision? Surely she must be the ¹⁵⁾understudy to some fabulous Broadway star, I mean, look at her skin! Who does her hair?＂ And in that moment, I knew....

Julianne: OK, we don’t all need to know what you...

All: Oh yes, we do... We’d love to know...Yes!

Michael: I’m very curious.

George: They do. I knew that some day we’d end up like this, like some glittering Doris Day, Rock Hudson ¹⁶⁾extravaganza. I said to Dionne, ＂Dionne, I’m in love. Could this ¹⁷⁾siren love me? Are the gods so kind?＂ And Dionne turned to me, opened her lovely eyes and said...

Woman:  What did she say?

George: (singing) The moment I wake up, before I put on my makeup...

Kimmiy’s mother: (singing) I say a little pray for you.

George: (singing) While combing my hair now, while wondering what dress to wear now...

Sisters: (singing) I say a little prayer for you.

All: (singing) For ever and ever, you’ll stay in my heart, and I do love you. For ever and ever, we never will part. Oh how I love you, together forever. That’s how it must feel to be without you...

Kimmy’s father: (singing) It’d only be heartbreak for me...

Kimmy: How is he?

Julianne: Well, he’s sort of wondering why you haven’t told your parents that the wedding’s off?

Kimmy: Well, I don’t know. I’m still hoping for a miracle, I suppose. I mean, how could he think that my father and I would do such a thing?

Julianne: I only ¹⁸⁾minored in psych, you understand. Maybe Michael couldn’t commit to this marriage so he created a ¹⁹⁾delusion, produced an ²⁰⁾unconscious ²¹⁾psychosomatic ²²⁾manifestation of... I’m better with food. OK, you’re Michael. You’re in a fancy French restaurant. You order creme brulee for dessert. It’s beautiful, it’s sweet, it’s irritatingly perfect. But suddenly Michael realizes he doesn’t want creme brulee, he wants something else.

Kimmy: What does he want?

Julianne: ²³⁾Jello.

Kimmy: Jello? Why does he want jello?

Julianne: Because he’s comfortable with jello. Jello makes him comfortable. I realize compared to creme brulee, it’s jello. But maybe that’s what he needs.

Kimmy: I could be jello.

Julianne: No, creme brulee can never be jello, you could never be jello.

Kimmy: I have to be jello.

Julianne: You’re never gonna be jello. Now you need to come clean with your parents because if you’re waiting for that, ＂Do you take this man＂ part, it’s considered poor form.

Kimmy: I love him. And whatever delusions I drove Michael to, there’s truth at the heart of it. You see, I want him to work for my father. I want to stay in school and I want a life of my own. Please tell him that it’s my fault and that I love him. You’re the only person that I trust.

Julianne: I’ll be right back.

Kimmy: Thank you.

Michael: Do you think she still loves me?

Julianne: Love, umm well, it’s a strong word and I don’t know that I’m necessarily qualified as a... I mean, I guess I wouldn’t be totally ²⁴⁾off base if I said that in her way she does possess strong feelings...

Michael: Jules.

Julianne: Sure, she does, Michael. She’s crazy about you.

Boys: (sing) You fill up my senses like a night in the forest, like the mountains in spring time...

Michael: Tell her that I’ll marry her at six o’clock if she’ll still have me. Please.

Julianne: I’ll be right, right back.

Boys: (sing) Come love me again. CE

05、我最好朋友的婚礼

(又名“新娘不是我”)

迈克尔：我打电话是想告诉你，我认识了一个女孩。

朱丽安：啊，好极了。好极了，自从那个怪人珍妮·李以后，你都没怎么约会过，是不是？

迈克尔：不，你不明白。我从没这样爱过别人。我是说，她全然不合适我。

朱丽安：这倒是个良好的开端。

迈克尔：不，我是说，她在芝加哥大学念大三，20岁，名字叫金。朱儿，你会很喜欢她的。她长得很漂亮，她的爸爸还是个亿万富翁，他拥有白短袜公司和什么电缆帝国，你知道的，我和富家子弟相处总是觉得别扭。

朱丽安：是啊。

迈克尔∶但他们不是那种人。他们人好极了。真的，很有修养。

朱丽安∶那么说你去见过她的父母了？

迈克尔：是的。

朱丽安：唔……

迈克尔：朱儿，这个星期天我们就要结婚了。喂？喂？

朱丽安：迈克尔……

迈克尔：喂？

乔治：听我说，朱儿，我们何不停步去喝点什么，你可以搭晚班飞机走？

朱丽安：不行，不行，不行，不行。我忙得很呢。我只有四天时间破坏婚礼，抢走新郎，现在我还没想出办法来。他爱了我九年，他爱的是我！

乔治：我能看出来。

朱丽安：而她才认识了他多久？五秒钟吧？好的，就算她还有亿万家财，就算她貌美无双。好，就算她是伊利诺斯选美皇后也不能可怜。我不能失去他，乔治。我要把他带回来。

金蜜∶哦，你来了一切就完美了！自打我认识迈克尔那天起，就总听他说朱丽安这、朱丽安那的。我从来都没有过好姐妹。（驾驶中）现在我想请你帮个怪忙。

朱丽安：什么？

金蜜：我最好的朋友安吉利娜放春假时在阿比力跳舞，摔断了骨盆线。请你做我的伴娘好吗？

朱丽安：什么！你不从女傧相中挑一个吗，或者找个至少认识了45分钟的人也好？

金蜜：我的女傧相只有两个不到40岁的女亲戚，这对姐妹从纳什维尔来，初入社交场合，根本就是浪荡妇。噢，出口在这！也就是说，我有四天来让你成为我最好的朋友。你该强迫自己来亲近我。

金蜜妈妈：乔治？

乔治：什么事，亲爱的夫人？

金蜜妈妈：你是怎么认识朱丽安的？

朱丽安：乔治是我的编辑。

乔治：是的。但是啊，我们早在那之前就认识了。其实那还是个很浪漫的故事呢。你愿意告诉大家吗，亲爱的？

朱丽安：不，这是私事。

乔治：唔，已经不是私事了。我第一次遇见朱丽安是在一家精神病院里。朱丽安显然是去看某位为她恶评所逼疯的法国大厨。我到那里是去探望迪翁·瓦威克。

金蜜妈妈：迪翁·瓦威克？

乔治：是的，他以为自己是迪翁·瓦威克。

男1：迪翁·瓦威克是谁？

乔治：唔，亲爱的，你太孤陋寡闻了。

姐姐：她就是惠特尼·休斯顿的姨妈。

男2：对通灵术很有一套。

迈克尔：是吗？

姐妹：（唱）你知道怎么去圣荷西吗，啦啦啦……

乔治∶当时我就和迪翁在一起，顺便提一下，他的真名叫杰里。我们在一起唱了许多歌，突然从电疗室那边刮来一阵穿堂风，我就看见了她。一个粉红色的身影……

迈克尔∶粉红？你从来不穿粉红色。

乔治∶哦，有时候她也穿的，迈克尔。她是穿粉红色的。

朱丽安：乔治……

乔治：你是穿。

朱丽安：我是穿。

乔治∶我问迪翁：“迪翁，这个俏影是谁？这个俏影是谁？我想她一定是某位百老汇巨星的替身演员，瞧她的皮肤！她的发型是谁做的？”那一刻我就知道了……

朱丽安：好了，大家用不着知道所有细节……

众∶哦，要知道……我们想知道……是的！

迈克尔：我很好奇。

乔治：他们想知道。我早知道我们会有今天这样的结果。就像光芒璀璨的多丽丝·戴-洛克·赫德逊《爱情狂想曲》。我对迪翁说：“迪翁，我恋爱了。这位女妖会爱我吗？上天会这么眷顾我吗？”迪翁转身朝我睁着她那可爱的眼睛，说……

女：她说什么？

乔治：（唱）我醒来的一刻，妆容未施……

金蜜妈妈∶（唱）我为你轻声祈祷。

乔治：（唱）我梳着头发的时候，我思量着穿哪件衣服的时候……

姐妹∶（唱）我为你轻声祈祷。

众：（唱）到永远，你会永驻我心间，我真的爱你。到永远，我们永不分离。哦，我如此爱你，永远在一起。没有你就只会感觉……

金蜜爸爸∶（唱）我只会感觉到心碎……

金蜜：他还好吗？

朱丽安：他感到有点奇怪，你怎么还不把取消婚礼的消息告诉你父母？

金蜜：唔，我不知道。我想仍在盼望着奇迹出现吧。我是说，他怎么会认为我父亲和我会做出这样的事来呢？

朱丽安：你要知道，我对心理学了解不多。或许迈克尔因为无法面对婚礼而产生出错觉，无意识地制造了一个受压力所迫发的心理反应……我还是对食物比较在行。好吧，你就是迈克尔。你在一家豪华的法国餐馆里，你点了一道法式奶派做甜点。它是那么好看，那么香甜，不可抵挡的完美。可突然之间，迈克尔意识到他并不想要法式奶派，他想要别的东西。

金蜜：他想要什么？

朱丽安：果冻。

金蜜∶果冻？他为什么想要果冻？

朱丽安∶因为他觉得和果冻一起自在。果冻让他舒服。我知道和法式奶派相比，果冻只是果冻。但是或许这正是他需要的。

金蜜：我可以当果冻啊。

朱丽安∶不行，法式奶派永远当不了果冻，你永远当不了果冻。

金蜜∶我必须当果冻。

朱丽安：你当不了果冻。现在你要去跟父母讲清楚，因为如果你还在等着“你是否愿意嫁给此人”那一刻的话，实在太可怜了。

金蜜：我爱他。不管我让他产生了什么错觉，我心里都真正爱着他。你知道,我想让他为我爸爸工作。我想留在学校里继续学业，我想有自己的生活。请你告诉他，这些都是我的错，而且我爱他。你是我唯一信任的人。

朱丽安：我马上回来。

金蜜：谢谢。

迈克尔：你认为她还爱我吗？

朱丽安：爱，这个嘛，这个字眼太大了，我不，我必然要……我是说，我猜如果我没有完全搞错的话，用她的话来说，她还是有强烈感情的……

迈克尔：朱儿。

朱丽安：当然，她还爱你，迈克尔。她疯狂地爱着你。

男孩：（唱）你占据着我全身心，就像夜晚的森林，就像春天的山峦……

迈克尔：告诉她，我六点和她结婚，如果她还要我的话。拜托你了。

朱丽安：我马上，马上回来。

男孩：（唱）再爱我一次。 CE