访谈录 Interview 2007-09-16&09-18, 如何成为约会女王（在线收听）

We've all heard that a good man is hard to find, but that certainly dosen't stop a lot of women from trying.

I've been dating since I was 15, I'm exhausted, where is he?
Who? The white knight?
That only happens in fairy tales.
I here hurts.

Well, this morning we have some dating advice from an expert. Janis Spindel is a professional matchmaker who just wrote a new book ''How to Date Men? -- Dating secrets from American's top matchmaker", and Rubi Ludwig is a psychotherapist and host of GSN's Without Prejudice. Good morning, ladies. (Good morning. Good to see you!)Janis, before we get into our discussion this morning, you've successfully matchmade, made more than 760 marriages.

That's correct. In 15 years, 760 couples married, 45 are underway this year and I hope to get to 50.

Yeah, and, and they've stayed together?

To my knowledge, I have, I would think that I'd be the first one they called if they got divorced. I think everybody is still married.

So you know what you are talking about. Alright. So let's get to, uh, I wanna show a graphic because you say something at the very beginning of your book. Ladies, I've got news for you because you say if you are still single and frustrated about it, it means one of two things: One, you are super picky. Or two, you are doing something wrong. Explain what you mean by this, Janis. I mean that's tough. You , you put the blame on the ladies.

Well, I really believe that men are pickier than women. Women are not that picky. They just want a guy who is intelligent, funny with a great personality which basically means they are doing something wrong.

And, uh, women, is it just that we, we are looking for that white knight? You know, that Mr. Mr. Prince who is gonna come on his white horse(white horse) and save us and take us away.

It doesn't happen that way unfortunately.

And, and Rubi, in your experience, working with couples as well (Um, um), do you find that women are basically making the same mistakes over and over again, going for the wrong type guy?

You know, in some cases, in some cases, it's self-esteem. They don't think enough of themselves, so they can't appreciate somebody who likes them. And they think there is this fantasy that it will happen automatically(Um, um) and they don't need to do anything in order to work towards having a relationship and really that's the most important choice that women can make. And you do need to put yourself out there and be thoughtful about it in order to make it happen for yourself.

Date different types of guys. And Janis, you also remind women that not every man is gonna be interested in you, no matter how beautiful, smart or successful you are. Rejection is a hard thing for women to take. A lot of women are heart-broken when they see that you know, Mr. Handsome is not gonna be that into them. So how do you get past that?

As Rubi said you have self-esteem and confidence and you don't take it personally. You move on to the next one. You have to be proactive.(Um)

Proactive in a lot like where you find the right guys to date?

You can find a guy anywhere, at a newspaper stand, at a coffee bar, at a library, at a Barnes & Noble Cafe, walking down the street, in an elevator.

And you could just tell yourself that some guys have bad taste and are wrong, you just move on.

(Exactly, I agree with you. One hundred percent. That's right. OK....)

Sometimes, the guys just don't realize, too. I mean, maybe you have to just get in their face and say hey, you wanna date me.

I think you need to have faith too that if somebody just doesn't work out for you, then they are not a right match and somebody better out there, is there for you.

To your point, Janis, about being on the lookout always. (always.) When you say there are places, I mean, we know weddings are good places to meet women or to meet men. Dinner, cocktail parties, college alumni events, homes of mutual friends, standing a line at the DMV , that, that's seems sort of out of the ordinary.

I have met some of the greatest lawyers in the world. It's the world that's small claims at the DMV.

Take a look at this list that we have, running in museums, sporting events. Obviously you are gonna find a lot of guys there, airplanes, all those...(train stations), train stations exactly. So how do you approach them though?

You smile and say hello. You do what I call the hello challenge. All you have to do is have self-esteem and confidence. You smile (yeah).

And there is something to be said about flirting as well and making yourself, you know, just giving that impression that you are available and you like being around men.

And, and interesting, Janis, you also point out to women that on the first date, you say you should wear a skirt. Why? (Femininity) That seems kind of, I know, but it seems sort of old school, a little passé .

Well, men are used to working all day long with women in business suits and business suits are usually pantsuits. You wanna be feminine, you wanna wear heels, you wanna dress like a woman.

And you also say let them pay?

Absolutely.

All the time? Let them pay and I'm not gonna...

I say let them pay too ,OK? I say....

I am not gonna argue with you on that one.

But you know what? Men really do expect to pay (yeah). And if they are not paying, I think it means something suspicious, like they are not taking you seriously (or they don't like you) or they are not treating you or they don't like you.

Janis, really quickly, as a matchmaker, I mean, what exactly when, when you meet people, do you have sort of an idea of what they are looking for? I mean how do you make these couples?

I have a sixth sense. I get clear volume premonitions, when I have lunch with men every day, who they are going to marry.

Very Interesting.

And she is gonna to heaven.

I know, she (right? yes).

Absolutely. Alright, the book is "How to Date Men". Janis Spindel, thank you, Rubi Ludwig, it's always for great advice this morning.

Thank you! Thank you!

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DMV: (the Department of Motor Vehicles) a government department in each of the US states, which is responsible for giving driving tests and drivers' licenses. In some states the DMV has the power to collect road taxes.

passé: If someone describes something as passé, they think that it is no longer fashionable or that it is no longer effective.
eg: Punk is passé
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