美国国家公共电台 NPR A Survivor Helps Other Survivors Process The Horrors Of The Las Vegas Mass Shooting（在线收听）

AILSA CHANG, HOST:

One year ago today, a reclusive, high-stakes gambler opened fire on thousands of people at an outdoor music festival in Las Vegas. Police say they still don't know why he did it. It was the deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history. Fifty-eight people were killed plus the gunman. Hundreds more were wounded.

NPR's Eric Westervelt has the story about one of the survivors, a woman who's trying to help others heal.

But first, a warning - you will hear the sound of gunfire in this report.

ERIC WESTERVELT, BYLINE: Psychologist Dr. Shiva Ghaed from San Diego was near the front of the stage of the Route 91 country music festival for star Jason Aldean. He was early into his show when that jarring, rapid-fire popping sound began. At first, Ghaed and her friends, who were in town for a girls' weekend, didn't think much of it. Someone nearby had been shooting off confetti poppers, plus all the music, the lights.

SHIVA GHAED: I mean, it's Vegas, right? So I mean, we didn't know. Maybe the show had fireworks, or maybe there were fireworks nearby.

WESTERVELT: But when the stage lights went out, floodlights came on and the quick-fire, semi-automatic-rifle crackle continued. Ghaed's confusion quickly turned to terror. This is gunfire sound captured on a witness's cellphone video.

(SOUNDBITE OF GUNFIRE)

WESTERVELT: While many people screamed and yelled, Ghaed says, others seemed oddly nonchalant. Sound seemed to echo everywhere.

GHAED: The gunshot sounds kept changing and in different directions. And some sounded very far away. Some sounded like they were coming over the fence.

WESTERVELT: She first huddled under a plastic table, then in between two recycling cans - more gunfire and fear.

(SOUNDBITE OF GUNFIRE)

UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: Stay down.

WESTERVELT: She then made a dash to some motorized scooters parked near the stage.

GHAED: I literally sat there crouched behind this wheelchair scooter, thinking over and over again, please, please, don't hit me. Please, please, just don't hit anything vital. Don't hit anything vital. Don't hit anything vital - just over and over again.

WESTERVELT: Four people near Ghaed were killed. The group she was with finally made a run for it, stepping over pools of blood and carnage. The shooting started just after 10 p.m. It took several hours of panic and fleeing before Ghaed finally felt safe in a nearby hotel's secure conference room. She remembers looking down at her Fitbit.

GHAED: And it was 12:30 - so 2 1/2 hours of running and hiding and running and hiding. And as I sat in that room, I realized that I had a decision to make, and it was a really important decision. I could try to heal in private, or I could just lead by example.

WESTERVELT: She chose the latter. The licensed clinical psychologist has worked extensively with combat veterans and military personnel, some with PTSD in the San Diego area. Back home a few days later, Ghaed realized there just wasn't much out there to help people process that night's horrors and nothing that seemed easily accessible.

GHAED: You know, I had a couple of sleepless nights probably not unlike anybody else. And I just - I awakened in a panic thinking about how many people would have invisible wounds.

WESTERVELT: Dr. Ghaed didn't realize yet how deep her own invisible wounds ran. She called up the manager of a local country music bar and dance hall where she was a regular. She knew it was closed on Mondays. Could she offer free counseling there? The owner said yes. She put out the word through local TV and social media. And just seven days after the shooting, she held her first support group. More than 40 Las Vegas shooting survivors showed up.

GHAED: I knew that you have to talk about it. You have to think about it. You have to face it. You have to feel your feelings about it.

WESTERVELT: Just about every Monday since the shooting, between 40 and 60 survivors come to the dance hall to talk. The group's just for them, not the general public, not the media. They meet together before splitting up into small groups of five or six. Ghaed drops in on discussions. The small groups are where she says people really open up - trouble sleeping, anxiety, stress, shaken by loud noises.

In between giving lessons with titles such as Why Avoidance Makes It Worse and Tips On Managing Nightmares, Ghaed realized she had lots of blank spots in her memory, things she'd blocked out. The healer now needed her own healing. The PTSD counselor now knew personally more of what the service men and women she'd treated had gone through. A year later, she realizes she needed the group as much as they needed her.

GHAED: The first few months were really rough for me. I'm not going to lie. I guess I thought that my expertise and experience in treating trauma for all of these years would somehow protect me or immunize me from the effects of living through a near-death experience. And in fact, it didn't (laughter), you know?

WESTERVELT: The healing won't end for Ghaed on this anniversary, but the weekly survivor meetings at the dance bar will. There'll be a final gathering, a potluck dinner and remembrance tonight, one year to the day since the shooting. It won't be a celebration or a memorial but something in between. Eric Westervelt, NPR News.