Empathic Listening

　　今天继续和大家分享《高效能人士的七个习惯》中的经典篇章。今天要学习的文字讲述的是高效能人士的第五个习惯-知彼解己。这个篇章中，摘选了我们生活中最常见的一个对话场景-一对母子的对话。这段对话真实还原了我们与人交流的时最常见的一种沟通思维和误区，不少人在没有认真聆听后，草率甚至的粗鲁的给出自己认为对的解决方案。甚至以各种理由强形要求诉说者接受自己的想法。而这篇文章列举出了我们聆听别人的层次以及应该如何真正的聆听他人，从而做到真正了解他人的方法。

　　New Words:

　　incredulously adv. 不相信地，怀疑地

　　sacrifice n. 牺牲；祭品

　　diagnose vt. 诊断；断定

　　interpersonal adj. 人际的；人与人之间的

　　empathic adj. 移情作用的；神入的

　　"Come on, honey, tell me how you feel. I know it's hard, but I'll try to understand."

　　“宝贝，和我说你是怎么想的，我知道这不容易，但是我会尽量理解你。”

　　"Oh, I don't know, Mom. You'd think it was stupid."

　　“可是， 妈妈，我不知道该怎么说。你一定会觉得我很傻。”

　　"Of course I wouldn't! You can tell me. Honey, no one cares for you as much as I do. I'm only interested in your welfare. What's making you so unhappy?"

　　“不会的。告诉我吧，宝贝儿。这个世界还有谁会比妈妈更关心你呢? 妈妈就是想让你开心，可你为什么不高兴呢?”

　　"Oh, I don't know."

　　“我不知道该怎么说。”

　　"Come on, honey. What is it?"

　　“快点和我说，宝贝，是什么事情？”

　　"Well, to tell you the truth, I just don't like school anymore."

　　“那好，说实话，我不想上学了。”

　　"What?" you respond incredulously. "What do you mean you don't like school? And after all the sacrifices we've made for your education! Education is the foundation of your future. If you'd apply yourself like your older sister does, you'd do better and then you'd like school. Time and time again, we've told you to settle down. You've got the ability, but you just don't apply yourself. Try harder. Get a positive attitude about it."

　　“什么?”你简直不敢相信自己的耳朵，“你说什么?你不想上学了?为了让你上学，我们做了那么大的牺牲!接受教育是为你的将来打基础。如果你像你姐姐那样用功的话，成绩一定会好起来，那样你就喜欢上学了。我们跟你说过多少次了，一定要安心学习。你有这个能力，可就是不愿意用功。要努力，要积极向上才行啊!”

　　Pause

　　沉默

　　"Now go ahead. Tell me how you feel."

　　“说吧，跟我说说你到底是怎么想的。”

　　We have such a tendency to rush in, to fix things up with good advice. But we often fail to take the time to diagnose, to really, deeply understand the problem first. If I were to summarize in one sentence the single most important principle I have learned in the field of interpersonal relations, it would be this: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. This principle is the key to effective interpersonal communication.

　　我们总是喜欢这样匆匆忙忙地下结论，以善意的建议快刀斩乱麻地解决问题。不愿意花时间去诊断，深入了解一下问题的症结。如果要让我用一句话总结人际关系中最重要的一个原则，那就是:知彼解己。这是进行有效人际沟通的关键。

　　When another person speaks, we're usually "listening" at one of four levels. We may be ignoring another person, not really listening at all. We may practice pretending. “Yeah. Uh-huh. Right. "

　　We may practice selective listening, hearing only certain parts of the constant chatter of a preschool child. Or we may even practice attentive listening, paying attention and focusing energy on the words that are being said. But very few of us ever practice the fifth level, the highest form of listening, empathic listening.

　　事实上，大部分人都是这么自以为是。我们的聆听通常有四个层次。一是充耳不闻，压根就不听别人说话;二是装模作样，“是的!嗯!没错!”;三是选择性接收，只听一部分 ，通常学龄前儿童的喋喋不休会让我们采取这种方式;四是聚精会神，努力听到每一个字。但是，很少有人会达到第五个层次，即最高层次-移情聆听。

　　Empathic listening involves much more than registering, reflecting, or even understanding the words that are said. Communications experts estimate, in fact, that only 10 percent of our communication is represented by the words we say. Another 30 percent is represented by our sounds, and 60 percent by our body language. In empathic listening, you listen with your ears, but you also, and more importantly, listen with your eyes and with your heart. You listen for feeling, for meaning. You listen for behavior. You use your right brain as well as your left. You sense, you intuit, you feel.

　　移情聆听不只是理解个别的词句而已。据专家估计，人际沟通仅有10%过语言来进行，30%取决于语调与声音，其余60%则得靠肢体语言。所以在移情聆听的过程中，不仅要耳到，还要眼到、心到; 用眼睛去观察，用心灵去体会。