读者文摘:让人捧腹的笑话（在线收听）

A guy gets a ticket to the Super Bowl but finds he's in the nosebleed section.

一个家伙买了一张超级碗比赛的票，但是他的座位位于会流鼻血的区域。

He spots an empty seat on the 50-yard line, runs down, and claims it.

他在50码的线上找到一个空位子，跑下去坐到那里。

"What a view!" he says to the elderly man seated next to him. "Why would anyone pass this up?"

他对坐旁边的老者说道，“这里视野真好！为什么有人会放过这个座位呢？”

"It's my wife's," says the older man. "We've gone to every Super Bowl since we were married, but she passed away."

这位老者说，“这是我老婆的位子，自打我们结婚以来，我们一块看了每一场超级碗比赛，但是现在她去世了。”

"I'm so sorry. But couldn't you find a friend to come with you?" The older man shakes his head. "They're all at the funeral."

“我很抱歉。但是你不能找一位朋友和你一块来看吗？”这位老者摇了摇他的头。“他们都去参加葬礼了。”

I did some research, and it turns out I'm super Irish. Even my blood type is O apostrophe.

我做了一些调查，结果发现我是超级爱尔兰人，即使我的血型是O型。

To the guy who stole my antidepressants: I hope you're happy now.

致偷了我抗抑郁药的家伙：我希望你现在开心了。

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work long, hard hours.

村里的铁匠终于找到了一个愿意长时间辛苦工作的徒弟。

The blacksmith instructed the boy, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil, and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."

铁匠对男孩说：“当我把鞋从火里拿出来的时候，我要把它放在铁砧上，当我点头的时候，你就用这把锤子砸它。”

The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

学徒照吩咐做了。现在他是村里的铁匠。

Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were dining in New York. Ginger was resplendent in a ball gown and pearls, and Fred also sported evening wear.

弗雷德·阿斯泰尔和金格·罗杰斯正在纽约用餐。金格穿着舞会礼服，戴着珍珠项链，光彩照人，弗雷德也穿着晚礼服。

But the meal was marred when the waiter bringing their desserts tripped and covered Fred from head to toe in treacle sponge.

但是，当端来甜点的服务员绊了一下，把弗雷德从头到脚都盖上了蒸松糕时，这顿饭就被破坏了。

"I'm terribly sorry," said the waiter. "So you should be," replied Fred.

这位服务员说，“我感到非常抱歉。”弗雷德回复道，“你的确应该道歉。”

"Thanks to you, I've pudding on my top hat, pudding on my white tie, pudding on my tails."

“托你的福，现在我的礼帽上有布丁，领带上有布丁，尾巴上也有布丁。”

I went to the doctor and he said, "You've got hypochondria." I said, "Not that as well!"

我去看医生，医生说，“你患了疑病症。”我说，“也不是这样。”