读者文摘:最搞笑的职场段子之愚蠢老板篇（在线收听）

After two days of heated wrangling, we got one of our vendors to agree to a 35 percent discount.

经过两天的激烈争论，我们说服了一个供应商同意降价35%。

As we were about to sign the contract, my boss, who had not been a party to the negotiations, walked in and tore it up, saying, "I'm going to teach you purchasing people how to play hardball.

正当我们要签订合同的时候，我的老板，他并未参于这次谈判，走进来把它撕了。他说，“我要教你们这些采购人怎么采取强硬手段。

That's the way you make it in this world." He turned to the vendor's sales rep and said, "We want a 20 percent discount; take it or leave it."

这就是你们在这个世界上的生存之道。”他转向供应商的销售代表说道，“我们想要20%的折扣，不许讨价还价。”

The delighted rep immediately agreed. As my boss left, he said to us, "I hope you learned something from that."

高兴的销售代表立即同意了。我的老板离开后，他对我们说，“我希望你能从这件事上学到什么东西。”

When corporate came to visit, the CEO complimented me by saying," You aren't as dumb as HR made you out to be."

公司来拜访时，首席执行官称赞我说：“你不像人力资源部说的那么蠢。”

My boss heard there was an opening for a plant manager in our South American facility.

我的老板听说我们的南美公司缺一位工厂经理，

To better prepare himself, he decided to attend Spanish classes on the company's time and at its expense.

为了更好地做好准备，他决定利用公司的时间自费学习西班牙语课程。

The only problem? The plant is in Brazil, where they speak Portuguese.

唯一的问题？工厂在巴西，那里的人讲葡萄牙语。

My boss used to tell me and another coworker he hadn't showered in days and wanted us to make sure clients didn't get close to him at events.

我的老板过去常常告诉我和另一位同事，他好几天没有洗澡了，让我们确保客户不会在活动中接近他。

I work for a family-owned check-cashing company. One day, I was robbed at gunpoint.

我在一家家族所有的支票兑现公司工作。有一天，我被持枪抢劫了。

The next day, the owners deducted the stolen cash from my paycheck. They said I had willingly complied with the robber's wishes.

第二天，公司老板从我的薪水中把被偷的现金扣掉了。他们说我心甘情愿地顺从了强盗的意愿。

My boss ate all the breading off of three pieces of leftover fried chicken I'd brought to work for lunch,

我的老板把我带到公司的吃午饭剩下的三块炸鸡都吃光了，

and then he put the naked chicken back into the break-room fridge like nothing happened.

然后他把鸡骨头放回休息室的冰箱里，就像什么都没发生一样。

Inspirational quotes from the men and women who lead us during the workweek:

在工作周领导我们的男人和女人的励志句子。

I know my plan won't work, but don't disagree with me in front of others.

我知道我的计划不会奏效。但是不要在其他人面前反对我。

If you are on schedule, then your plan was not aggressive enough. If you are behind schedule, you must be goofing off.

如果你按时完成了，那你的计划就不够激进。如果你进度落后了，那就是一定在偷懒。

What this department lacks is leadership.

这个部门缺少的是领导力。

Bonuses in my department are awarded to team players who have demonstrated an appreciation for my leadership.

我部门的奖金是发给对我的领导能力表示赞赏的团队成员的。

I tried to e-mail you to tell you that my e-mail wasn't working, but my e-mail wasn't working.

我想给你发邮件告诉你我的邮件发不出去了，但是我的邮件发不出去了。

I got a citation in my employee file because I told my boss that Bob Marley did not sing "Red Red Wine."

我的工作档案里有一条引文，因为我告诉老板鲍勃·马利没有唱“红酒”。