读者文摘:美国人生活记趣（在线收听）

Our son was upset that his baseball coach yelled whenever he or a teammate made a mistake.

每当我们的儿子或他的队友犯错时，他的棒球教练就会大喊大叫。这让他很生气。

"It's just something coaches do," I said. "It's not personal."

我说，这就是教练做的事情，这不是针对个人的。

His response was hard to argue with: "If it's not personal, then why do they use your name?"

他的回复令人难以辩驳：“如果不是针对个人，那么为什么他会喊你的名字？”

One day, I was trying to get my seven-year-old's attention. When he finally turned to me,

一天，我想得到我七岁儿子的注意。当他最终转向我时，

I asked, "Didn't you hear me calling you?" He responded, "Not the first two times."

我问道，“你没有听到我叫你吗？他回答，“前两次没听见。”

Ad spotted in my weekly bargain bulletin: "FOR SALE: Crestview cemetery plot, $200, so I don't have to spend all eternity beside my ex!"

每周交易公告上的一则广告：“售卖：克雷斯特维尤墓地，200美元，这样我就不必永远和我的前任在一起了！”

When my 85-year-old father was in the hospital, his doctor, trying to determine Dad's mental state, asked, "What gets you up in the morning?"

我85岁的父亲在医院时，他的医生想测定他的精神状态，他问道：“是什么让你早上醒来的？”

My father shrugged. "Probably the same thing as everyone. I have to go to the bathroom."

我的父亲耸耸肩。“也许是和每个人一样的事情。我得上厕所了。”

Radio personality and YouTuber Tommy Edison has been blind since birth, 55 years ago. But don't pity him.

电台名人和油管用户汤米·爱迪生自55年前出生以来就失明了。但不要同情他。

"There are plenty of good things about being blind," he says. For example:"I go on airplanes first."

他说，“作为盲人有很多好的事情。比如说，我第一个上飞机。”

"I never have to worry about drinking and driving." "I don't have to do my own lawn."

“我从来不用担心喝酒和开车。”“我不需要自己修剪草坪。”

"My electric bill's lower than yours." "Every single woman I've ever been with is a 10."

我的电费比你的低。”“和我在一起的每一个女人都是10分。”

Bedtime storys. We asked readers to share their craziest sleep-talking stories. Some of these might keep you up at night.

床边故事。我们请读者分享他们最疯狂的梦话故事。其中一些可能会让你夜不能寐。

I dreamed I was rocking a baby to sleep. In the morning, my husband,

我梦见我摇着一个婴儿睡着了。早上，

who is bald, told me I patted his head for 30 minutes while repeating, "Go to sleep, baby."

我秃顶的丈夫告诉我，我拍了他的头30分钟，然后重复说：“睡觉吧，宝贝。”

My husband sat up in bed and announced, "Eileen, I believe I can kill about 20 chickens." He then went back to sleep, leaving me wide-awake.

我丈夫从床上坐起来宣布：“艾琳，我认为我能杀死大约20只鸡。”然后他又睡着了，让我完全清醒着。

As a kid, I was at a sleepover, and I watched my friend stuff the bedsheet into her mouth, pull it out, and say, "That was good, Mom; what's for dessert?"

小时候，我在朋友家过夜，我看着我的朋友把床单塞进她嘴里，然后把它拉出来，说：“太好了，妈妈；甜点是什么？”

My husband was tossing and turning in bed, so I asked whether he was all right.

我丈夫在床上辗转反侧，所以我问他是否还好。

He replied, "Yes, I talked with the horse, and he didn't have any suggestions or answers for the project."

他回答说：“是的，我和马谈过了，他对这个项目没有任何建议或答案。”

Turning to me with some urgency, my sleeping husband stated, "I have to do the cat's taxes!"

我睡觉的丈夫转向我，焦急地说道，“我得计算一下猫的税！”

Our eight-year-old daughter: "Are you saying that George Washington didn't invent the toilet?"

我们八岁的女儿：“你是说乔治·华盛顿没有发明马桶吗？”