读者文摘:糟糕的建议合集(2)（在线收听）

COME UP SHORT. "It's the thought that counts."

徒劳无功。“想法最重要。”

LIGHT UP. As a rookie fireman, I was advised by the older firemen to start smoking.

点烟。作为一名新消防队员，老消防队员建议我开始吸烟。

They said it would help acclimate my lungs to the smoke in a building fire.

他们说这能让我的肺适应大楼火灾的烟雾。

TRY A NEW COLOR. "You would look great with black hair," a friend told me. "Let's dye it."

尝试一种新的颜色。一个朋友告诉我：“你要是有黑头发就好了。”“我们去染发吧。”

He did, and I didn't. Worse, although the color was supposed to wash out, it didn't.

他染了，我没有。更糟的是，尽管颜色应该是能洗掉的，但是洗不掉了。

Instead, it turned blue. Dark blue, almost navy blue.

相反，它变成了蓝色。深蓝色，几乎是海军蓝。

Since this was years before punk and dyed hair, I was horrified. Although, who knows, maybe I started a trend.

因为那是在朋克和染发之前的年代，我被吓坏了。但是，谁知道呢，也许我开创了一种潮流。

SELL NOW. In 1984, my sister's husband worked for GTE servicing small relay stations around Redmond, Washington.

现在出售。1984年，我姐姐的丈夫在华盛顿雷德蒙附近的服务小型中继站的GTE工作。

He suggested we buy stock in a company that was one of his clients.

他建议我们买他的一个客户的公司的股票。

So I bought 200 shares, as did my mom. We watched the stock go up to around $31 a share, and then drop again.

所以我买了200股，我妈妈也买了。我们看到股票上涨到每股31美元左右，然后又下跌了。

Then it would go back up and drop again.

然后它又再次上升和下降。

My old accounting professor told the class that if we had a stock that performed that way,

我以前的会计教授告诉班上的同学，如果我们有一只股票的表现是这样的，

it probably would never go higher and we should dump it.

它可能永远不会升得更高，我们应该卖掉它。

So that's why Mom and I sold our stock in Microsoft at under $31 a share.

这就是为什么我和妈妈以每股不到31美元的价格卖掉了我们在微软的股票。

I never look at what it is today because I don't want to be sick.

我再也不看它现在的价格了，因为我不想生病。

FLY GENTLY. As my brother left to pilot B-17s in World War II, our worried mother told him to "fly low and slow."

在第二次世界大战中，我哥哥离开家去驾驶B-17轰炸机时，我们忧心忡忡的母亲告诉他要“飞低点，飞慢点”。

Terrible advice for a pilot leaving for war.

对于一名即将奔赴战场的飞行员来说，这是个糟糕的建议。

BE A GODFATHER. "Be a Michael, not a Sonny."

做一个教父。“做一个迈克尔，而不是桑尼。”

My mom gives me this advice every time I want to confront someone. How about I probably shouldn't behave like any member of the Mafia?!

每次我想要面对别人的时候，我妈妈都会给我这个建议。我不要像黑手党的成员那样行事怎么样？！

CHARGE IT. "Just open another credit card; it's free money."

充电。“再办一张信用卡吧；它是免费的钱。”

That gem came from my friend, who is thousands of dollars in debt and has no idea she will eventually have to pay that off.

这个真知来自我的朋友，她负债数千美元，不知道自己最终需要还清债务。

Trying to instill a life lesson in our energetic young son,

试图给我们精力充沛的小儿子灌输生活经验，

I called out as he ran by, "When you are running with scissors, point them down!"

当他跑过的时候，我叫道:“当你拿着剪刀跑的时候，尖端朝下！”

His dad rejoined, "Or just don't run with scissors."

他的爸爸反驳道：“要不就是别拿着剪刀跑。”