读者文摘:生活中的段子分享（打印版）

When people hear that my husband and I just celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary,

在人们得知我和丈夫刚刚庆祝了我们的结婚60周年纪念日后，

they inevitably ask us the secret to our long, successful marriage.

他们免不了要问我们婚姻长久成功的秘密是什么。

In response, my husband will smile sweetly, nod my way, and explain, "We both love me."

作为回应，我的丈夫会亲切地笑着，朝我点点头，然后解释说：“我们两个都爱我。”

My friend took her teenage daughter to a new doctor for a checkup.

我朋友带她十几岁的女儿去一个新医生那里做检查，

The nurse asked the usual questions, including if she had an STD. "No," said the teen. "We have a Toyota."

护士问了常规的问题，包括问她是否有性传播疾病（雷诺的一款车型）。她女儿说：“没有，我们有一辆丰田。”

One day, my physician father treated himself to a plate of raw oysters and offered to share them with me.

有一天，身为医生的父亲搞了一盘生蚝，并且主动提出要和我分享。

Just as I was about to dig in, he picked up an oyster, examined it, and commented, "They remind me of infected tonsils."

正当我要吃的时候，他拿起一个生蚝，检查了一番，说道：“它们让我想起了受感染的扁桃体。”

And that’s the story of how he ended up eating the entire plate of oysters himself.

这就是他如何自己吃完整盘生蚝的故事。

I accidentally threw away my four-year-old’s favorite candy wrapper. Please keep us both in your thoughts during this difficult time.

我不小心把我四岁孩子最喜欢的糖纸扔掉了。在这困难的时刻，请把我们都放在你的心里。

My 11-year-old takes his homework seriously. One question required him to write a sentence using the word version.

我11岁的儿子写作业很认真。其中一个问题要求他用“version”这个词写一个句子。

His sentence: "Have you heard of the version Mary?"

他造的句子是：“玛丽你听说过版本这个词吗？”

I held a garage sale with my little blond cairn terrier for company. Soon came the first customer.

我和我的金发凯恩狗进行了一次车库拍卖。很快，第一位顾客来了。

He took his time browsing and examining everything I had out for sale.

他不慌不忙地浏览和检查我出售的每一样东西。

Eventually he found something that interested him. "Excuse me," he said. "How much for the dog?"

最后他找到了令他感兴趣的东西。“打扰一下，”他说。“这只狗多少钱？”

After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, "There, now you look ten years younger."

在我91岁的母亲剪好头发后，发型师对她说：“瞧，你现在看起来年轻了10岁。”

My mother, unimpressed, replied, "Who wants to look 81 years old?"

我的母亲无动于衷地回答说：“谁想看起来像81岁？”