华盛顿邮报 圣诞假期社交障碍---卡罗琳为你支招（在线收听）

Today, we're talking to Carolyn Hax, the advice columnist for The Post, and she's helping us answer some questions that we've had about navigating this time of year.

今天，我们将与《华盛顿邮报》的建议专栏作家卡洛琳·海克斯(Carolyn Hax)交谈，她将帮助我们回答一些关于在一年中的这个时候如何应对的问题。

The holiday season is always complicated.

假日季节总是复杂的。

But if you throw in a pandemic that keeps changing, things are getting a little weird right now.

但如果你陷入一场不断变化的疫情，事情就变得有点奇怪了。

We had Carolyn on earlier this year to talk about how to navigate life post-vaccination, and we called her again ahead of the holidays to help talk us through these sticky social situations that come up when we're trying to gather with friends and family safely.

今年早些时候，我们邀请了卡洛琳来谈谈接种疫苗后如何应对生活，我们又在假期前给她打电话，让她谈谈帮助我们熬过这些棘手的社交场合。这些场合出现在我们试图与朋友和家人安全团聚时。

We've got a bunch of great questions from readers and listeners.

我们从读者和听众那里收到了一大堆很棒的问题。

But first, I wanted to ask a question of my own.

但首先，我想问自己提的一个问题。

So, Carolyn, I think that for a lot of people who are seeing their families for the first time in a long time because of COVID, one thing that can come up is checking in about healthcare stuff or medical stuff.

所以，卡洛琳，我认为，对于很多人来说，由于新冠肺炎，他们过了很长一段时间才第一次见到家人，一件事可能会出现，那就是询问医疗保健或医疗方面的事情。

Like, you can see someone for the first time, you're like, “Oh, have you been seeing the dentist? Have you been seeing the cardiologist? Have you been seeing the eye doctor?

比如，当你第一次见到某人时，你会问:“哦，你去看牙医了吗? 你去心脏病科看医生了吗? 你去看眼科医生了吗?

Like all of a sudden, I realize you can't see anything, or I think you need a hearing aid, or you haven't been going to P.T.”

就像突然间，我意识到你什么都看不见了，或者我觉得你需要一个助听器，或者你还没有做过物理治疗。”

Or, you know, like these things that come up that when you're talking over the phone, you don't realize haven't been happening, and then all of a sudden you want to pester your family members about trying to keep on top of things having to do with their health.

或者，你知道，这些事情会出现，当你在电话里交谈时，你没有意识到还没有发生，然后突然之间，你想要缠着家人，让他们努力掌握与他们健康有关的事情。

And so, what is your advice for navigating those kind of situations and whether you should even attempt to do that at the holidays?

那么，对于应对这种情况，你有什么建议，你是否应该在假期尝试这样做?

Like, talk to your family members about being more proactive or on top of what they need to get done to stay healthy?

比如，告诉你的家人要更积极主动，或者要了解他们需要做什么才能保持健康?

I tend to be on the radical side of leaving people to their own care.

我比较激进，倾向于让病人自己照顾自己。

And we're talking now about seeing people for the first time in years and in a holiday family setting.

我们现在谈论的是多年来第一次在假日家庭环境中见面。

That's an occasion for even more restraint on topics like that.

这是一个在这样的话题上更加克制的场合。

And I realize it can be really difficult when you see that somebody has deteriorated and you want to say, "Wait, no, you know, take care of yourself for me."

我意识到，当你看到某人病情恶化时，你会想说，“等等，不，你知道，为我照顾好你自己。”

If you could set that aside for just appreciating the person.

如果你能把这些放在一边，仅仅是欣赏这个人。

I mean, the reason you're caring about their health is that you want them around.

我是说，你关心他们的健康是因为你想让他们在你身边。

And so at the moment, you have them around.

所以现在，他们就在你身边。

So enjoy that and spend your time with that person.

所以好好享受，和那个人共度时光。

And if in the course of natural catching up or natural togetherness these things come up, then okay, get involved, but also get involved in an inquisitive way instead of a commanding way.

如果在自然叙旧或自然团聚的过程中，这些事情出现了，那么好吧，参与进来，但也要以一种好奇的方式来参与，而不是以一种居高临下的方式。

You know, "I see you're not taking care of yourself" -- no, that's not really going to make anybody feel inclined to go call a doctor.

你知道，“我看到你没有照顾好自己”——不，这真的不会让任何人想去叫医生。

But if you say, "Hey, how is it with such-and-such? How is that doing? Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?"

但如果你说，“嘿，这样那样怎么样? 那是怎么回事? 你还好吗? 有什么我能做的吗?”

I think more of a seeing how they're taking care of themselves as a loving and interested party, but that can even wait till after.

作为一个充满爱意和有趣的聚会，我想更多的是看看他们是如何照顾自己，不过这甚至可以等到之后再提。

I mean, right now you have a moment to be in each other's presence, and a conversation like that can happen over the phone or over Zoom.

我是说，现在你们有片刻的时间和对方在一起，这样的对话可以通过电话或Zoom开展。

And so maybe once you've enjoyed some time together, then you can say, "Hey" -- you know, if you're feeling really concerned and if you have standing to do this.

所以，也许一旦你们一起开心地度过了一段时光，然后你可以说，“嘿”——你知道，如果你真的感到担心，如果你有立场这么做的话。

And that's the other really important thing, which could be a whole other answer.

这是另一件很重要的事，这可能是另一个完全不同的答案。

But if you have standing to get involved, then you might say, "Hey, it was really great seeing you. I was concerned about 'blank.'"

但如果你有立场参与进来，那么你可以说，“嘿，见到你真的很高兴。 我担心的是‘什么也没有做’。”