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My Pain

我的痛苦

I have told you, reader, that I had learnt to love Mr.Rochester: I could not unlove him now, vent¹('merely',event)">merely because I found that he had vent('cease',event)">ceased to notice mebecause I might pass hours in his presence, and he would never once turn his eyes in my directionbecause I saw all his attentions vent('appropriate',event)">appropriated by a great lady, who vent('scorn',event)">scorned to touch me with the vent('hem',event)">hem of her robes as she passed; who, if ever her dark and vent('imperious',event)">imperious eye fell on me by chance, would vent('withdraw',event)">withdraw it instantly as from an object too vent('mean',event)">mean to vent('merit',event)">merit observation.1 could not unlove him, just because I felt sure he would soon marry this very lady—because I read daily in her a proud security in his intentions respecting herbecause I witnessed hourly in him a style of vent('courtship',event)">courtship which, if careless and choosing rather to be sought than to seek, was yet, in its very carelessness, captivating, and in its very pride，irresistible.

我已经告诉过你，读者朋友，我意识到自己爱上了罗切斯特先生，我现在不能不爱他，仅仅因为我发现他不再关注我了——因为我可能在他面前待上几个小时， 而他的眼睛从不朝我的方向瞟上一眼——因为我发现他所有的注意力被一位贵妇人所吸引，她从我身边走过时，连长袍的边都不屑于碰我一下，当她阴险专横的眼神碰巧落在我身上，她会立即避开，就像这件东西太廉价不值得她看上一眼。我不能不爱他，仅仅因为我确信不久他就会娶这位女士——因为每天我都能从她身上看出她高傲地认为她在他心目中的地位已经非常稳固——因为我每时每刻都目睹着他对她的追求，尽管漫不经心，又表现出宁愿被人追求而不追求别人，却由于随意而显得富有魅力，由于傲慢而愈发不可抗拒。

There was nothing to cool or vent('banish',event)">banish love in these circumstances, though much to create despair. Much too, you will think, reader, to vent('engender',event)">engender jealousy²: if a woman, in my position, could vent('presume',event)">presume to be jealous of a woman in Miss Ingram's. But I was not jealous: or very rarely;—the nature of the pain I suffered could not be explained by that word. Miss Ingram was a mark beneath jealousy: she was too vent('inferior',event)">inferior to excite the feeling. Pardon the seeming vent('paradox',event)">paradox; I vent('mean',event)">mean what I say.

在此般情形下，任何事物都无法冷却或者浇灭我的爱，尽管这很可能会带来绝望。读者朋友，你会认为，如果一个处于我这种位置的女人敢于妒忌像英格拉姆小姐这种地位的女人的话，这也很可能会引起妒忌。但是我并不妒忌，或者很少妒嫉，我所遭受的痛苦无法用这个字眼来解释。英格拉姆小姐不值得嫉妒，她太卑劣了，激不起这种情感。请原谅这一表面上的悖论，我所说的就是我所想的。

She was very showy, but she was not vent('genuine',event)">genuine: she was a fine person, and had many brilliant vent('attainment',event)">attainments; but her mind was poor, her heart vent('barren',event)">barren by nature: nothing bloomed vent('spontaneously',event)">spontaneously on that soil; no unforced natural fruit delighted by its freshness She was not good; she was not vent('original',event)">original: she used to repeat vent('sounding',event)">sounding phrases from books: she never offered, nor had, an opinion of her own. She advocated a high tone of sentiment; but she did not know the vent('sensation',event)">sensations of sympathy and pity; tenderness and truth were not in her. Too often she vent('betray',event)">betrayed this, by the undue³ vent she gave to a spiteful antipathy⁴ she had conceived against little Adele: pushing her away with some contumelious epithet⁵ if she happened to approach her; sometimes ordering her from the room, and always treating her with coldness and acrimony. Other eyes besides mine watched these manifestations⁶ of characterwatched tvent('hem',event)">hem closely, keenly, shrewdly. Yes; the future bridegroom, Mr. Rochester himself, exercised over his intended a vent('cease',event)">ceaseless surveillance; and it was from this sagacity—this guardedness of his—this perfect, clear consciousness of his fair one's defects—this obvious absence of passion in his sentiments towards her, that my evertorturing pain arose.

她太好卖弄，但并不真诚。她风度不凡，多才多艺，但是思想肤浅，心灵天生贫瘠，内心的土壤上没有花儿会自动开放，没有哪种不需外力而自然结出的果实会喜欢这种土壤。她不善良，缺乏独创性，总是重复书本中夸大其词的言语，她从不提出，或者从未拥有过自己的见解。她鼓吹高尚的情操，但不懂得同情和怜悯，温柔和真挚也无法在她身上找到。她的弱点经常会暴露无遗，因为她对小阿黛儿心生厌恶，充满敌意，并且无端发泄不满情绪，要是小阿黛儿恰巧走近她，她会用恶毒的词汇把她撵走，有时命令她离开房间，常常冷淡刻毒地对待她。除了我，还有别人也注视着这些个性的显露——他们密切、急迫而敏锐地注视着。是的，就是这位未来的新郎，罗切斯特先生自己也不停地监视着他的意中人。正是这种睿智——他的这份提防——这种对自己美人缺陷的清醒全面的认识——正是他的感情对她明显缺乏热情这一点，引起了我无休止的痛苦。

I saw he was going to marry her, for family, perhaps political reasons, because her rank and connections suited him; I felt he had not given her his love, and that her qualifications were ill adapted to win from him that treasure. This was the point—this was where the nerve was touched and teased—this was where the fever was sustained and fed: SHE COULD NOT CHARM HIM.

我看到他要娶她，是出于门第观念，也许是政治上的原因，因为她的地位与社会关系和他相称。我感到他并没有把自己的爱给她，她也没有资格从他那儿得到爱的珍宝。这就是问题所在——就是触及我痛处，戏弄我神经的地方——就是我热情持续并有增无减的原因：因为她不可能把他迷倒。

课堂笔记：
1.此句为“because”引导的原因状语从句，两个由“who”引导的定语从句均用于修饰“lady”。第一个定语从句包含由“as”引导的状语从句，表示“当……的时候”：第二个定语从句中的“as”也是连词，表示“好像……一样”之意。“too ...to”结构表示“太……而不能……”，用作定语，修饰名词“object”。
 2.此句为由“which”引导的定语从句，修饰先行词“vent('courtship',event)">courtship”。从句的谓语部分由系表结构“was captivating and irresistible”充当,两个“in”构成的介词短语用作状语，分别修饰形容词“captivating”和“irresistible”，表示“在......方面”。从句中的连词if在此表“尽管”之意，用于引出使自己的描述稍显不太肯定的评论，其中的“rather...than...”结构表示“宁愿......而不......”，连接对等成分，此处连接两个不定式。
3.此处用到了暗喻（metaphor)的修辞手法，“heart”被比作“soil”。英格拉姆小姐的心就像一片贫瘠的土地，没有开放的花朵，没有成熟的果实。
4.此句是一个简单句，指示代词this作谓语动词vent('betray',event)">betray的宾语，指代上一句所述的内容。“by”引导的介词短语用作方式狀语，短语中包含两个定语从句，其中第一^从句“she gave to a spiteful antipathy” 用作 “vent” 的定语，另一个从句 “she had conceived against little Adele” 用于修饰先行词“antipathy”。其中词组“give vent to”表示“发泄（强烈情绪）”之意。
5.句子中的“Mr. Rochester himself”是主语“bridegroom”的同位语，名词短语“a vent('cease',event)">ceaseless surveillance”用作谓语动词“exercise”的直接宾语，介词“over”的宾语“his intended”表示“他的未婚妻”之意，此为过时的用法。
6.此句用到了强调句型“it + be +被强调部分+ that +其他”，此句强调的是由“from”构成的介词短语，其中四个由“this”构成的名词结构“this sagacity”、“this guardedness of his”、“this perfect, clear consciousness of his fair one’s defects” 以及 “this obvious absence of passion in his sentiments towards her” 同作 “from” 的宾语，词语数量逐渐增加，语气逐渐紧凑强烈，是简·爱当时痛苦心情的写照。