如何维系夫妻之间的感情

Credit goes to pelesink, Vivianlmx, iamma, alicewang85,kokozhang, spookyshit, Francoiseliang and yerick. Many thanks to your sincere participation¹!

Katie Couric: Dr. Gale² Saltz, is a psychiatrist³ and a contributor here on Today. Hi, Gale,good morning.

Gail Saltz: Good morning, Katie.

Katie Couric: You know I was thinking as I watched that piece, emotional affairs in some ways much ...must be more intoxicating⁴, because it's unrequited love.

Gail Saltz: You are absolutely right. It's that crushy feeling. It's that new love feeling sustained 'cause in a way it never gets consummated⁵.They giveyou a high, that's practically addictive⁶.

Katie Couric: So do you think it is as damaging if not more damaging (if in a physical affair) I mean, obviously you prefer to have neither.

Gail Saltz: I mean if it's... You prefer to have neither and of course it's both, because often an emotional affair turns into a sexual affair as well. Obviously that's just as devastating⁷. But the point is, say, the one night stand vs. the emotional affair? Most people would tell you they are more devastated⁸ by the emotional affair because that's really a betrayal of the love, of the feeling. It's not so much about the physical act, but what the physical act represents, which is your loving feelings and your intimacy⁹ being betrayed.

Katie Couric: How do you know if you are in the middle of an emotional affair vs. just a close friendship(Sure.) with a colleague (Sure.)or a friend?

Gail Saltz: You know what it really has to do with secrecy¹⁰. It really has to with deception¹¹. Are you telling your spouse¹² or your partner about your meeting? how often you're talking, or you're kind of keeping it a secret by omission¹³. That tells you a lot about what's going on and also do you know there is basically a sexual attraction even if it's not spoken about. Are you telling that person lots of things about your mate, about your life, your intimate feelings, including potentially your marital¹⁴ dissatisfaction that you're not talking with your spouse about? And are you acting¹⁵ in a way that if your partner could see you, you would feel guilty? In other words, if there was a video tape of you're having coffee, or you're having a drink, or you're talking on the phone, are you, would you actually not be doing and saying what you're doing if your spouse were there.

Katie Couric: And it's probably very difficult to be emotionally involved with two people at the same time, so clearly I could see how this emotional affair could take the place( It does.) of a marriage, and then have even less intimacy in the marriage, because you're not sharing(That's what I) your emotional life.

Gail Saltz: Exactly. That's why. That's what the emotional affair is about, because basically you are robbing a marriage to give to this other person. You're taking your emotional investment coz we only have so much we can invest and you're giving it to somebody else and whether you know it or not, you're growing a distance in your primary relationship.

Katie Couric: So what do you do if you feel like you are in the middle of an emotional affair. You feel guilty about it. It is secretive. Your spouse would not be happy if he or she knew what was transpiring¹⁶. (Right ) So how do you get out of it? How do you extricate¹⁷ yourself because as I said it must be incredibly heady for the participants.

Gail Saltz: It is. It is. But look, the first order of the business is admitting to yourself that you're doing it, because quite honestly there is tremendous denial. There are so many people out there who are doing this and say,"But it's OK, because we are not having sex." And that's not the case. You really have to fess up to yourself that in fact, you're giving all this emotional investment to another person and then, frankly¹⁸ you have to end it. No, you can't say."We're just gonna be friends." It really doesn't work. If you already crossed that line until lovey-dovey feelings(You've got to go call turkey.) You just gotta go call turkey. You really can't stay friends. And you gotta be honest with your partner because who probably knows it at some level that something is going on. And you need to tell them,"I am sorry. I'm taking it away from us. I have been giving emotion to someone else. I'm gonna stop that."

Katie Couric: And usually they can forgive for that if it hasn't gone into a full blown affair.(It hasn't gone into....) We only have a couple of seconds left. But how often do these emotional affairs end up being physical ones?

Gail Saltz: Probably at least half the time. It's basically a continuum, and eventually if this stays long enough, you're gonna make that next move.

Katie Couric: All right. So people need to be very aware of what they are getting themselves into ...

Gail Saltz: Absolutely ...because you know, you often don't realize how much you value your marriage until you're losing it.

Katie Couric: That's right. All right. Gale Saltz. (dong dong dong)...Thank you Gail.

1 participation   

n.参与，参加，分享

参考例句：

• Some of the magic tricks called for audience participation.有些魔术要求有观众的参与。
• The scheme aims to encourage increased participation in sporting activities.这个方案旨在鼓励大众更多地参与体育活动。

2 gale   

n.大风，强风，一阵闹声（尤指笑声等）

参考例句：

• We got our roof blown off in the gale last night.昨夜的大风把我们的房顶给掀掉了。
• According to the weather forecast,there will be a gale tomorrow.据气象台预报，明天有大风。

3 psychiatrist   

n.精神病专家；精神病医师

参考例句：

• He went to a psychiatrist about his compulsive gambling.他去看精神科医生治疗不能自拔的赌瘾。
• The psychiatrist corrected him gently.精神病医师彬彬有礼地纠正他。

4 intoxicating   

a. 醉人的,使人兴奋的

参考例句：

• Power can be intoxicating. 权力能让人得意忘形。
• On summer evenings the flowers gave forth an almost intoxicating scent. 夏日的傍晚，鲜花散发出醉人的芳香。

5 consummated   

v.使结束( consummate的过去式和过去分词 )；使完美；完婚；（婚礼后的）圆房

参考例句：

• The marriage lasted only a week and was never consummated. 那段婚姻仅维持了一星期，期间从未同房。
• We consummated an agreement after a year of negotiation. 经过一年的谈判，我们达成了协议。 来自《简明英汉词典》

6 addictive   

adj.(吸毒等)使成瘾的，成为习惯的

参考例句：

• The problem with video game is that they're addictive.电子游戏机的问题在于它们会使人上瘾。
• Cigarettes are highly addictive.香烟很容易使人上瘾。

7 devastating   

adj.毁灭性的，令人震惊的，强有力的

参考例句：

• It is the most devastating storm in 20 years.这是20年来破坏性最大的风暴。
• Affairs do have a devastating effect on marriages.婚外情确实会对婚姻造成毁灭性的影响。

8 devastated   

v.彻底破坏( devastate的过去式和过去分词)；摧毁；毁灭；在感情上（精神上、财务上等）压垮adj.毁坏的；极为震惊的

参考例句：

• The bomb devastated much of the old part of the city. 这颗炸弹炸毁了旧城的一大片地方。
• His family is absolutely devastated. 他的一家感到极为震惊。

9 intimacy   

n.熟悉，亲密，密切关系，亲昵的言行

参考例句：

• His claims to an intimacy with the President are somewhat exaggerated.他声称自己与总统关系密切，这有点言过其实。
• I wish there were a rule book for intimacy.我希望能有个关于亲密的规则。

10 secrecy   

n.秘密，保密，隐蔽

参考例句：

• All the researchers on the project are sworn to secrecy.该项目的所有研究人员都按要求起誓保守秘密。
• Complete secrecy surrounded the meeting.会议在绝对机密的环境中进行。

11 deception   

n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计

参考例句：

• He admitted conspiring to obtain property by deception.他承认曾与人合谋骗取财产。
• He was jailed for two years for fraud and deception.他因为诈骗和欺诈入狱服刑两年。

12 spouse   

n.配偶(指夫或妻)

参考例句：

• Her spouse will come to see her on Sunday.她的丈夫星期天要来看她。
• What is the best way to keep your spouse happy in the marriage?在婚姻中保持配偶幸福的最好方法是什么？

13 omission   

n.省略，删节；遗漏或省略的事物，冗长

参考例句：

• The omission of the girls was unfair.把女孩排除在外是不公平的。
• The omission of this chapter from the third edition was a gross oversight.第三版漏印这一章是个大疏忽。

14 marital   

adj.婚姻的，夫妻的

参考例句：

• Her son had no marital problems.她的儿子没有婚姻问题。
• I regret getting involved with my daughter's marital problems;all its done is to bring trouble about my ears.我后悔干涉我女儿的婚姻问题, 现在我所做的一切将给我带来无穷的烦恼。

15 acting   

n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的

参考例句：

• Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她，她只是假装的。
• During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代，她的表演生涯黯然失色。

16 transpiring   

（事实，秘密等）被人知道( transpire的现在分词 )； 泄露； 显露； 发生

参考例句：

• Excellent, everything is transpiring as the Awareness has foreseen. 好极了，一切都按照“意识”的预言进行。
• But, In the face of all that is transpiring, I realize how meager my knowledge is. 但是，当面对这突发一切时，我才意识到自己的知识有多么贫乏。

17 extricate   

v.拯救，救出；解脱

参考例句：

• How can we extricate the firm from this trouble?我们该如何承救公司脱离困境呢？
• She found it impossible to extricate herself from the relationship.她发现不可能把自己从这种关系中解脱出来。

18 frankly   

adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说

参考例句：

• To speak frankly, I don't like the idea at all.老实说，我一点也不赞成这个主意。
• Frankly speaking, I'm not opposed to reform.坦率地说，我不反对改革。