西部落：婚前教育:幸福婚姻的基石

Well, early education for soon-to-be husbands and wives. More and more engaged couples are going for premarital lessons. Hey, what do you have to lose? They should learn more because maybe they can avoid a divorce. Debra Mandel is the author of "Your Boss is not Your Mother". Oh that's a relief. She's given a lot of couples advice too on how to stay together. How are you, Debra?

I'm great. How are you doing?

Good. I, I like this, cause I think you can never be too prepared. I'm married a very, very long time and that first year is tough for any couple, so what do you think you can learn if you go for somebody's courses? In, in the Catholic religion, you have to, but for people who wanna do it anyway, what can you learn?

Well, I'm always so excited when people come to me, it, for couples' counseling before they've already tied the knots, so that we can really help them understand a lot of the pitfalls² that people get into. For one, people assume that once they're married, everything is gonna be just nice and rosy³ and you don't have to do anything anymore and not understanding that when that honeymoon⁴ period wears off, it could really be devastating⁵ for people if they don't have realistic expectations (I hope) about actual marriage.

Yep, hoping that it never wears off that honeymoon phase. I thought this was interesting the Journal of Family Psychology⁶ says that if couples receive premarital education, they will have a 31% lower chance of divorce, do you believe that?

Oh, absolutely, because when people get information, information is very helpful for people, cause too often people think that things are just gonna be magical, you don't have to do anything, but really and truly for having a great relationship, you have to put a lot of time and energy into nurturing⁷ the whole concept of a couple, you know, we need to look at ourselves as, now, we are two people joining together and every decision we make is going to affect our partner, so we need to be really aware of everything about our person that we're gonna be with. (And that's one of the...) in advance.

One of the tips that you have, the other ones I saw, assess the quality of communications. Obviously, communication is key and I thought this one was great too, Debra, one of your tips. Understand your partner's family dynamics⁸. Is this (yeah) what they say you actually marry his mother or vice¹ versa, I guess?

Yes, as, as a matter of fact, what we need to understand is whenever we're marrying a partner, we are marrying their entire family, because they have had relationships with their family all the way since they were born and so those people are usually going to have an impact on how your partner behaves and thinks and their ideas and their values. You need to be comfortable with your partner's family and if you are not comfortable with certain members of that family, you need to make peace with that and talk that through and that's why communication is so important cause people need to be able to understand their differences, to communicate with empathy, with compassion⁹ for each other and really be able to listen to each other and not talk over each other.

Debra Mandel, author of "Your Boss is not Your Mother". Great advice. Thanks so much.

Thank you so much. (That's so easy, just do whatever your like at once )

Sounds easy.

1 vice   

n.坏事；恶习；[pl.]台钳，老虎钳；adj.副的

参考例句：

• He guarded himself against vice.他避免染上坏习惯。
• They are sunk in the depth of vice.他们堕入了罪恶的深渊。

2 pitfalls   

（捕猎野兽用的）陷阱( pitfall的名词复数 )； 意想不到的困难，易犯的错误

参考例句：

• the potential pitfalls of buying a house 购买房屋可能遇到的圈套
• Several pitfalls remain in the way of an agreement. 在达成协议的进程中还有几个隐藏的困难。

3 rosy   

adj.美好的，乐观的，玫瑰色的

参考例句：

• She got a new job and her life looks rosy.她找到一份新工作，生活看上去很美好。
• She always takes a rosy view of life.她总是对生活持乐观态度。

4 honeymoon   

n.蜜月（假期）；vi.度蜜月

参考例句：

• While on honeymoon in Bali,she learned to scuba dive.她在巴厘岛度蜜月时学会了带水肺潜水。
• The happy pair are leaving for their honeymoon.这幸福的一对就要去度蜜月了。

5 devastating   

adj.毁灭性的，令人震惊的，强有力的

参考例句：

• It is the most devastating storm in 20 years.这是20年来破坏性最大的风暴。
• Affairs do have a devastating effect on marriages.婚外情确实会对婚姻造成毁灭性的影响。

6 psychology   

n.心理，心理学，心理状态

参考例句：

• She has a background in child psychology.她受过儿童心理学的教育。
• He studied philosophy and psychology at Cambridge.他在剑桥大学学习哲学和心理学。

7 nurturing   

养育( nurture的现在分词 )； 培育； 滋长； 助长

参考例句：

• These delicate plants need careful nurturing. 这些幼嫩的植物需要精心培育。
• The modern conservatory is not an environment for nurturing plants. 这个现代化温室的环境不适合培育植物。

8 dynamics   

n.力学，动力学，动力，原动力；动态

参考例句：

• In order to succeed,you must master complicated knowledge of dynamics.要取得胜利，你必须掌握很复杂的动力学知识。
• Dynamics is a discipline that cannot be mastered without extensive practice.动力学是一门不做大量习题就不能掌握的学科。

9 compassion   

n.同情，怜悯

参考例句：

• He could not help having compassion for the poor creature.他情不自禁地怜悯起那个可怜的人来。
• Her heart was filled with compassion for the motherless children.她对于没有母亲的孩子们充满了怜悯心。