老外直言：怎样与老外交朋友

 　　Just the other day, I was in a bookshop and spotted¹ a volume entitled How to Make Friends with Foreigners by Li Yang of Crazy English fame.Naturally, as a foreigner who has been living in China for a year, I was curious to see what kind of advice a Chinese writer was giving on this matter.

　　One piece of advice really grabbed my attention and, I must say, made me feel quite annoyed.In Li's opinion, foreigners are an"opportunity" to improve your oral English; whenever you see a foreigner, you should practice speaking English to him/her. The writer goes on to say that if the foreigner doesn't want to answer your questions, then he/she is a rude person who you wouldn't want to spend time with anyway.I think this counsel is not only incorrect, but also potentially damaging to relations between Chinese and foreigners in China.

　　Like most other laowai living in China, I know how isolated² one can sometimes feel living amid a culture far removed from our own familiar ways. However, most of the time this cultural isolation³ is something I simply accept as part of being here. I am, after all, here to learn about the people and the language of China and if I really hated this place then I would go home! So far my time in China has been very rewarding. I have improved my Chinese language skills, learnt about one of the most fascinating, swiftly developing countries in the world today and made some very close Chinese friends.

　　Unfortunately, I have also come across many Chinese people who view me purely⁵ as an"opportunity"to improve their oral English under the guise⁶ of making friends. I have experienced people following me home from town to my college flat and then harassing⁷ me to teach them English or practice English with them. I have had complete strangers thrusting articles, manuals and speeches in my face, insisting that I help them with the English translation. I have had people asking me to assist with immigration applications to other countries. All of these people have claimed at the time that what they chiefly wanted was to make friends with me. There was even one person at the weekly English Corner that I run at college who, after plying⁸ me with non-stop questions for half an hour, became very angry when I politely asked him to give other people a chance to speak. He puffed⁹ himself up like a peacock and informed me that he was simply trying to be my friend.

　　He may well have thought he was trying to be my friend, butswheresI come from you don't build friendships by pestering¹⁰ and badgering another person. Friendship for a lot of Westerners is about spending time with someone whose company you genuinely enjoy.It's not about opportunities or personal advantage.The Chinese friends I have made while living here have been genuine friends to me; we enjoy each other's company for its own sake.In this way, we've not only learnt a good deal about each other's culture but also about each other as individuals.

　　I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't approach foreigners at all. However, I do think that it's important to question your own motives¹². If you truly want to make friends with someone from a different country, who could possibly object?On the other hand, if your only motive¹¹ is to "use" the foreigner as a way of improving your English, then it's quite likely that the foreigner will be able to see through you - and will definitely not want to spend time with you.

　　So if there's any advice to give on making and keeping friendships with foreigners, I would say that it is this:Treat foreigners as people, not opportunities.Expect to make friendships gradually, over a period of time, not instantly. And don't ply⁴ foreigners with lots and lots of disparate questions. At times, this approach comes across as confusing and unnatural¹³.

　　Finally, I would suggest that if you really want to make friends with a foreigner, then you do so because you are genuinely interested in the person. We all know that true friendships stand the test of time. If your only reason for making friends with a foreigner is to upgrade your English, then you will probably find that you don't have a foreign friend for long!

　　老外直言：怎样与老外交朋友

　　几天前，有这样一本书《怎样和老外交朋友》，作者是因“疯狂英语”而出名的李阳。作为一个在中国生活了一年的外国人，我自然很想知道一位中国作者在这方面给出了什么样的忠告。

　　有一条忠告真是吸引住了我，但我也不得不说，这条忠告让我很懊恼。按照李先生的观点，外国人是你提高英语口语水平的“机会”，只要见到外国人，你就应该上前和他们练英语。作者进一步说道，如果某个外国人不想回答你的问题，那他（她）就是一个粗鲁的人，是个你不屑与之交往的人。我认为这一忠告不仅不正确，还会给中国人和老外的关系带来潜在的危害。

　　像多数住在中国的老外一样，我知道生活在远离自己所熟悉的另一种文化当中，有时会感到多么孤独啊！但在多数情况下，我接受这种文化上的孤独，将其作为生活在这儿的一部分。说到底，我来这里是想了解中国人民和她的语言，如果我真的不喜欢这个地方，那我早就回国了。到目前为止，我在中国度过的时光非常有价值，我的中文水平提高了，了解了当今世界上最有吸引力的、发展最快的一个国家，一些中国人也成了我亲密的朋友。

　　但令人遗憾的是，我也撞见很多中国人，他们借口交朋友但却只把我看成练口语的“机会”，有人从城里一直跟到我的学校宿舍，缠着我教他们英语，或是陪他们练口语；还有一些陌生人把文章、手册、讲稿塞到我面前要我帮忙翻译；还有人要我帮他们写移民申请。所有这些人当时都声称主要目的就是与我交朋友。在校园我所主持的每周英语角上，甚至有一个人不间断地连问了我半个小时的问题后，在我有礼貌地请他也给别人一个机会练英语时，他竟然生起气来。他趾高气扬像只雄孔雀，告诉我他无非是想成为我的朋友。

　　他或许真的想成为我的朋友，但我来自一个不可以通过纠缠与烦扰建立友谊的国度。对于很多西方人来说，友谊是与某人共度时光，他（她）的陪伴让你由衷地感到快乐。友谊并非是“机会”或是能给自己带来什么好处。我在这儿交的中国朋友都是真诚的朋友，我们因为彼此喜欢在一起而在一起。在这种情况下，我们不仅相互了解了很多对方的文化，也加深了个人间的了解。

　　在此，我并非建议你根本不与老外打交道。但是，我认为重要的一点是问一下自己的动机。如果你真的想与来自异国的人交朋友，谁会反对呢？但话说回来，如果你唯一的动机就是利用老外将其作为自己提高英语的一种手段，那么老外很可能看穿你——那他（她）肯定不想与你共处。

　　因此，如果说我对与老外交朋友并保持友谊有什么忠告，我想说的就是：把外国人看成“人”，而不要看成“机会”；友谊是逐渐形成的，要经过一段时间，不要期望速成；不要没完没了地向老外提出大量的互不相关的问题，这样的接触方式有时会让老外犯晕或是觉得不自然。

　　最后，我想建议，如果你真的想和一个老外交朋友，那么你就应该是因为真心喜欢这个人。我们都知道，真正的友谊是经受得住时间考验的。如果你与老外交朋友的唯一目的是提高英语水平，那你恐怕就不会有一个长久的老外朋友。

1 spotted   

adj.有斑点的，斑纹的，弄污了的

参考例句：

• The milkman selected the spotted cows,from among a herd of two hundred.牛奶商从一群200头牛中选出有斑点的牛。
• Sam's shop stocks short spotted socks.山姆的商店屯积了有斑点的短袜。

2 isolated   

adj.与世隔绝的

参考例句：

• His bad behaviour was just an isolated incident. 他的不良行为只是个别事件。
• Patients with the disease should be isolated. 这种病的患者应予以隔离。

3 isolation   

n.隔离，孤立，分解，分离

参考例句：

• The millionaire lived in complete isolation from the outside world.这位富翁过着与世隔绝的生活。
• He retired and lived in relative isolation.他退休后，生活比较孤寂。

4 ply   

v.(搬运工等)等候顾客，弯曲

参考例句：

• Taxis licensed to ply for hire at the railway station.许可计程车在火车站候客。
• Ferryboats ply across the English Channel.渡船定期往返于英吉利海峡。

5 purely   

adv.纯粹地，完全地

参考例句：

• I helped him purely and simply out of friendship.我帮他纯粹是出于友情。
• This disproves the theory that children are purely imitative.这证明认为儿童只会单纯地模仿的理论是站不住脚的。

6 guise   

n.外表，伪装的姿态

参考例句：

• They got into the school in the guise of inspectors.他们假装成视察员进了学校。
• The thief came into the house under the guise of a repairman.那小偷扮成个修理匠进了屋子。

7 harassing   

v.侵扰，骚扰( harass的现在分词 )；不断攻击（敌人）

参考例句：

• The court ordered him to stop harassing his ex-wife. 法庭命令他不得再骚扰前妻。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• It was too close to be merely harassing fire. 打得这么近，不能完全是扰乱射击。 来自辞典例句

8 plying   

v.使用（工具）( ply的现在分词 )；经常供应（食物、饮料）；固定往来；经营生意

参考例句：

• All manner of hawkers and street sellers were plying their trade. 形形色色的沿街小贩都在做着自己的买卖。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• It was rather Mrs. Wang who led the conversation, plying Miss Liu with questions. 倒是汪太太谈锋甚健，向刘小姐问长问短。 来自汉英文学 - 围城

9 puffed   

adj.疏松的v.使喷出( puff的过去式和过去分词 )；喷着汽（或烟）移动；吹嘘；吹捧

参考例句：

• He lit a cigarette and puffed at it furiously. 他点燃了一支香烟，狂吸了几口。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He felt grown-up, puffed up with self-importance. 他觉得长大了，便自以为了不起。 来自《简明英汉词典》

10 pestering   

使烦恼，纠缠( pester的现在分词 )

参考例句：

• He's always pestering me to help him with his homework. 他总是泡蘑菇要我帮他做作业。
• I'm telling you once and for all, if you don't stop pestering me you'll be sorry. 我这是最后一次警告你。如果你不停止纠缠我，你将来会后悔的。

11 motive   

n.动机，目的；adv.发动的，运动的

参考例句：

• The police could not find a motive for the murder.警察不能找到谋杀的动机。
• He had some motive in telling this fable.他讲这寓言故事是有用意的。

12 motives   

n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• to impeach sb's motives 怀疑某人的动机
• His motives are unclear. 他的用意不明。

13 unnatural   

adj.不自然的；反常的

参考例句：

• Did her behaviour seem unnatural in any way?她有任何反常表现吗？
• She has an unnatural smile on her face.她脸上挂着做作的微笑。