GRE作文评改：提炼文章闪光点

题目：051 "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

　　Syllabus¹：

　　1.bring out the question-reality:2 facets²

　　2.analysis

　　for: individual difference education purpose-bring out the best of everybody,and cite analogy of vegetable and disease methodology against:practical

　　3.solution really realize the specifical design. depend on the real condition

　　正文：

　　In the modern world, more and more people have access to education. Consequently, it is increasingly difficult to provide specifically designed education for each student. But, one thing remains³ true that only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student will education be truly effective.

　　People are born so different from each other that even two persons raised in the same environment are not likely to have exactly the same talents, dispositions⁴ and thus interests. Some are quiet in nature, and prefer reading books and doing researches; others are enthusiasm(这里用错了，呵呵，，应该是enthusiastic) in sports. First, there are physiological⁵ reasons for such phenomena⁶ as that. To put it most simple and general, a human brain has two parts, right and left, dealing⁷ with different kinds of problems by different way of thinking, and different people may be prone⁸ to develop different parts, and still different parts within either right or left part of brain. So people choose their interests partly according to the way of thinking of their brains. Second, what people learn before their school education have a significant effect on their future choice

　　(其实我觉得这里只要强调每个人境遇不同就可以。说学前阶段境域不同，稍微有点扯远了，反而有点让人迷惑。呵呵).

　　What they see, hear and read, such as parents’behavior, other people around them will influence their interests as well as the inbred factors. Those and many other things can serve as the main reasons for the individual differences.

　　Seeing the diversity of people, how will education be more effective if it want(这里忘记加s) to bring out the best of as many as possible people?(as many as放到the best前面好了。现在这样有点怪啊) What about the scene described in J.B.Priestley's "thoughts in the wilderness"(and as I paraphrase⁹ it):"a nightmare vision of a future world in which there are millions of people, all numbered and registered, without a gleam of genius anywhere, not an original mind, a rich personality on the whole packed globe."

　　The answer is clear. Cactus¹⁰ will thrive in scorching¹¹ places, while reed needs plenty of water. Just like the various conditions that different kinds of plants require to grow well, education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each students.

　　So the specifically designed education is called for. Someone will(用may更好些) argue that we already have the highly specified¹² disciplines in each of (少the fields，这里不能直接连which的)which we are producing many experts in certain fields. But we have to ask: does each student in his major feel that his major is the very subject just he desires? The fact is not so optimistic. As a (应是an，粗心了)educationalist point it out, one of the main reasons of college pressure is(少that,这里不可省略) students are studying what they are not willing to study. Carrying out specifically designed education still has a long way to go.

　　Until then, education will effectively realize its purpose of bringing out the best of everyone.

　　写的很不错！很流畅，语法错误也少，意思表达得很明白，也有闪光的idea。我看可以打5分。

　　几个建议：你第一段就摆明观点，这样很好。但是最好在你的观点之后再加一句“as the purpose of education is to bring out the best of everyone”(当然，这句话出现了不只一次，你可以换几个词，要避免重复)。为什么呢？因为对于教育的目的理论界有不同的看法，你的观点可以认为是其中一种，是比较humane的，侧重人文理想在现实中的实践。而还有别的目的，比如为机器化生产和日益分工细化的社会提供能够娴熟操作的工人和高级职员，为政府提供可以按程序管理社会的文员和官员。对这样的目的来说，specifically designed education就不见得是一件好事，而且成本实在太高。对教师的要求也太高了。等等。所以，为了让你后面的行文有依据，最好一开头就定义你的教育目的。

　　另外，你论述的论点似乎还少了点。尤其到后面，有点匆匆结尾的感觉。其实你还可以说，社会分工细化，一个年轻人在工作之前，也不可能学完所有的知识和技能。反倒是specifically designed education可以让他们更专注于自己想学的东西，这是顺应分工细化的潮流的。

　　还有，不论是文学、艺术、建筑等领域，在任何一个学术领域，都越来越要求originality。这是靠“大规模生产式”的教育所不能够产生的。惟有通过因材施教，才能让年轻人有足够的时间和精力来潜心研究自己的所爱，从而达到创新。

1 syllabus   

n.教学大纲，课程大纲

参考例句：

• Have you got next year's syllabus?你拿到明年的教学大纲了吗？
• We must try to diversify the syllabus to attract more students.我们应该使教学大纲内容多样化，可以多吸引学生。

2 facets   

n.（宝石或首饰的）小平面( facet的名词复数 )；（事物的）面；方面

参考例句：

• The question had many facets. 这个问题是多方面的。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• A fully cut brilliant diamond has 68 facets. 经过充分切刻的光彩夺目的钻石有68个小平面。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 remains   

n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹

参考例句：

• He ate the remains of food hungrily.他狼吞虎咽地吃剩余的食物。
• The remains of the meal were fed to the dog.残羹剩饭喂狗了。

4 dispositions   

安排( disposition的名词复数 )； 倾向； （财产、金钱的）处置； 气质

参考例句：

• We got out some information about the enemy's dispositions from the captured enemy officer. 我们从捕获的敌军官那里问出一些有关敌军部署的情况。
• Elasticity, solubility, inflammability are paradigm cases of dispositions in natural objects. 伸缩性、可缩性、易燃性是天然物体倾向性的范例。

5 physiological   

adj.生理学的，生理学上的

参考例句：

• He bought a physiological book.他买了一本生理学方面的书。
• Every individual has a physiological requirement for each nutrient.每个人对每种营养成分都有一种生理上的需要。

6 phenomena   

n.现象

参考例句：

• Ade couldn't relate the phenomena with any theory he knew.艾德无法用他所知道的任何理论来解释这种现象。
• The object of these experiments was to find the connection,if any,between the two phenomena.这些实验的目的就是探索这两种现象之间的联系，如果存在着任何联系的话。

7 dealing   

n.经商方法，待人态度

参考例句：

• This store has an excellent reputation for fair dealing.该商店因买卖公道而享有极高的声誉。
• His fair dealing earned our confidence.他的诚实的行为获得我们的信任。

8 prone   

adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的

参考例句：

• Some people are prone to jump to hasty conclusions.有些人往往作出轻率的结论。
• He is prone to lose his temper when people disagree with him.人家一不同意他的意见,他就发脾气。

9 paraphrase   

vt.将…释义，改写；n.释义，意义

参考例句：

• You may read the prose paraphrase of this poem.你可以看一下这首诗的散文释义。
• Paraphrase the following sentences or parts of sentences using your own words.用你自己的话解释下面的句子或句子的一部分。

10 cactus   

n.仙人掌

参考例句：

• It was the first year that the cactus had produced flowers.这是这棵仙人掌第一年开花。
• The giant cactus is the vegetable skycraper.高大的仙人掌是植物界巨人。

11 scorching   

adj. 灼热的

参考例句：

• a scorching, pitiless sun 灼热的骄阳
• a scorching critique of the government's economic policy 对政府经济政策的严厉批评

12 specified   

adj.特定的

参考例句：

• The architect specified oak for the wood trim. 那位建筑师指定用橡木做木饰条。
• It is generated by some specified means. 这是由某些未加说明的方法产生的。