【荆棘鸟】第六章 11

她一看到这情形心里就明白了，虽然她以前从来没有见过人死去。他看起来像个玩偶，不像个孩子。她站了起来，到外面去找那些弯着腰围坐在厨房的火旁心神不安地守夜的男孩子们。史密斯太太坐在旁边的一把硬椅上，照顾着那对孪生子。为了取暖，他们的摇床已经移到厨房里去了。

　　"哈尔刚刚死了，"梅吉道。

　　斯图尔特从思驰神骛的冥想中抬起眼来。"这样要好一些。"他说，"想一想那种宁静吧。"当菲从过道走出来的时候，他站起身来，走到她面前，没有碰她。"妈，你一定累了，去躺躺吧，我会在你的房间里生个火的。来，躺一躺吧。"

　　菲一言不发地转过身，跟着他去了。他们两人向外面的过道走去。剩下的男孩子们坐在那里互相推诿了一会儿，随后也跟他们去了。帕迪根本没露面。一言不发的史密斯太太将走道角落里的童车推了出来，小心翼翼地把熟睡的詹斯和帕西放了进去。她看了梅吉一眼，泪水挂在她的脸上。

　　"梅吉，我要回大宅去了，我得把詹斯和帕西一起带走。明天早上我回来，不过，要是这两个孩子能与明妮、凯特和我一起呆一会儿的话，是再好不过的。告诉你妈一声。"

　　梅吉坐在一张空椅子上，两手交叉着放在下摆上。哦，他是她的，可是他死了！小哈尔，她曾经照看过他，爱过他，象母亲般地保护过他。他在她心目中间占据的空间还是实实在在的，她依然能感到他那热乎乎、沉甸甸的身子靠在她胸前。当明白他永远也不会再在这里依偎着，真是太可怕了；她感受到他那沉甸甸的身体依偎在这里已经有四年之久了。不，这不是一件痛哭一场就能罢手的事！她曾经为艾格尼斯流过泪，为脆弱的自尊心受到损伤而流过泪，为永远一去不复返的童年时代流过泪。然而，这个重负她却得担到生命的最后一刻；他人虽死了，但他的音容将继续留在梅吉的心中。有些人活下去的愿望十分强烈，有些人并不那么强烈。在梅吉身上，生的愿望就像钢缆一样顽强而又富于韧性。

　　当拉尔夫神父和医生一起走进来的时候，看到她已经打起了精神。她默默地指了指走道，但是并不打算跟他们去。由于玛丽·卡森给神父宅邸打了一个电话，教士久藏在心中的一桩心事才如愿以偿：那就是到梅吉身边来，和她在一起

 

Meggie knew it the moment she looked, though she had never seen death before. He looked like a doll, not a child. She got up and went out to the boys, sitting hunched¹ in an uneasy² vigil around the kitchen fire, with Mrs. Smith on a hard chair nearby keeping an eye on the tiny twins, whose cot had been moved into the kitchen for warmth.

"Hal just died," said Meggie.

Stuart looked up from a distant reverie. "It's better so," he said. "Think of the peace." He got to his feet as Fee came out of the hallway, and went to her without touching³ her. "Mum, you must be tired. Come and lie down; I'll light a fire for you in your room. Come on now, lie down."

Fee turned and followed him without a word. Bob got up and went out onto the veranda⁴. The rest of the boys sat shuffling⁵ for a while and then joined him. Paddy hadn't appeared at all. Without a word Mrs. Smith took the perambulator from its corner of the veranda and carefully put the sleeping Jims and Patsy into it. She looked across at Meggie, tears running down her face.

"Meggie, I'm going back to the big house, and I'm taking Jims and Patsy with me. I'll be back in the morning, but it's best if the babies stay with Minnie and Cat and me for a while. Tell your mother."Meggie sat down on a vacant chair and folded her hands in her lap. Oh, he was hers and he was dead! Little Hal, whom she had cared for and loved and mothered. The space in her mind he had occupied was not yet empty; she could still feel the warm weight of him against her chest. It was terrible to know the weight would never rest there again, where she had felt it for four long years. No, not a thing to cry over; tears were for Agnes, for wounds in the fragile⁶ sheath of self-esteem, and the childhood she had left behind forever. This was a burden she would have to carry until the end of her days, and continue in spite⁷ of it.

The will to survive is very strong in some, not so strong in others. In Meggie it was as refined and tensile as a steel hawser⁸. Just so did Father Ralph find her when he came in with the doctor. She pointed⁹ silently to the hallway but made no effort to follow them. And it was a long time before the priest could finally do what he had wanted to do since Mary Carson phoned the presbytery; go to Meggie, be with her, give the poor little female outsider 

1 hunched   

（常指因寒冷、生病或愁苦）耸肩弓身的，伏首前倾的

参考例句：

• He sat with his shoulders hunched up. 他耸起双肩坐着。
• Stephen hunched down to light a cigarette. 斯蒂芬弓着身子点燃一支烟。

2 uneasy   

adj.心神不安的，担心的，令人不安的

参考例句：

• He feels uneasy today.他今天心里感到不安。
• She had an uneasy feeling that they were still following her.她有一种他们仍在跟踪她的不安感觉。

3 touching   

adj.动人的，使人感伤的

参考例句：

• It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
• His letter was touching.他的信很感人。

4 veranda   

n.走廊；阳台

参考例句：

• She sat in the shade on the veranda.她坐在阳台上的遮荫处。
• They were strolling up and down the veranda.他们在走廊上来回徜徉。

5 shuffling   

adj. 慢慢移动的, 滑移的 动词shuffle的现在分词形式

参考例句：

• Don't go shuffling along as if you were dead. 别像个死人似地拖着脚走。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
• Some one was shuffling by on the sidewalk. 外面的人行道上有人拖着脚走过。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹

6 fragile   

adj.易碎的，脆的，易损坏的，虚弱的，脆弱的

参考例句：

• The old lady was increasingly fragile after her operation.那位老太太手术后身体越来越虚弱。
• This glass disc looks very fragile.这个玻璃盘子看起来很容易碎。

7 spite   

n.（用于短语）虽然，不顾，尽管

参考例句：

• He has modern ideas in spite of his great age.尽管他年事很高，但思想观念却很入时。
• In spite of his anger,his remarks were restrained.他尽管生气，说的话还是有节制的。

8 hawser   

n.大缆；大索

参考例句：

• The fingers were pinched under a hawser.手指被夹在了大缆绳下面。
• There's a new hawser faked down there.有条新铁索盘卷在那里。

9 pointed   

adj.尖的，直截了当的

参考例句：

• He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
• She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。