【荆棘鸟】第六章 19

这是一头又野又凶的牲口，它的圈棚被严格地建在圈地之外。梅吉对它怕得要命，从不到它附近的地方去。狗都关在窝里，拴着链子。在帕迪或鲍勃的监视下，狗的交配是以科学方法进行的，但也得在圈地之外。这里也没有机会见到猪，梅吉对喂猪既厌又恨。事实上，梅吉除了照看自己的两个小弟弟之外，没有机会看到任何人。无知乃愚昧之本，一个未被唤醒的躯体和头脑，对于那些本来能自动地使人明白事现的偶然事件是麻木不仁的。

　　就在梅吉15岁生日之前，暑热将要达到让人无法忍受的顶峰时，她在自己的内裤上发现了棕色的、不均匀的斑斑血迹。一两天之后，血迹没有了；但是，六个星期以后，血迹又重新出现，这使她的羞涩变成了恐惧。第一次的时候，她认为这是下体不干净而留下的痕迹、这使她感到耻辱。但是，当它们第二次出现的时候，则明明白白是血了。她想不通血是从哪儿来的，但她猜想是来自她的下体。这缓慢的出血三天之后便停止了，而且有两个月没再出现。她偷偷地把内裤洗了，没有引起别人的注意，因为毕竟大部分衣物都是由她洗的。接踵而来的打击给她带来了痛苦，使她第一次冷静而严峻地考虑她的生命了。这次血流得很多，流得太多了。她偷偷拿了一些那对双生子的废尿布，垫在内裤，生怕血会透出来。

　　死神像幽灵一样突然降临，带走了哈尔，但是这种慢慢消耗生命的出血更让人胆战心惊。她怎么可能去找菲和帕迪，将她下体得了这种极肮脏的、说不出口的病而将要死去的新情况向他们说破呢？只有去找弗兰克，才可能把她的苦水倒一倒，可是弗兰克已经远走高飞，不知到哪儿去了。她曾经听那些女人们在喝茶闲谈时，说起过他们的朋友、母亲或妹妹，因为得了瘤子和癌而可怕地慢慢死去。梅吉似乎相信她一定是长了什么东西，在逐渐吞吃她的内脏，并悄然地向她那颗悸动的心脏一路吞吃下去。哦，她不想死啊！

　　在她的头脑中，对于死的概念是非常模糊的，不知道在进入另一个世界时将会是什么样子。宗教信仰对梅吉来讲，与其说是一种灵性感受，毋宁说是一堆条文戒律；宗教信仰对她毫无助益。塞满了她那莫名其妙的头脑中的片言只语，全都是由她的双亲、朋友、修女、教士们喋喋不休地灌进去的；在书里，坏人总要遭报应的。

 

a wild and savage¹ beast whose pen was strictly² out of bounds, and Meggie was so frightened of it she never went anywhere near it. The dogs were kept kenneled³ and chained, their mating a scientific, supervised exercise conducted under Paddy's or Bob's eagle eye, therefore also out of bounds. Nor was there time to watch the pigs, which Meggie hated and resented having to feed. In truth, there wasn't time for Meggie to watch anyone beyond her two tiny brothers. And ignorance breeds ignorance; an unawakened body and mind sleep through events which awareness⁴ catalogues automatically.

Just before Meggie's fifteenth birthday, as the summer heat was building up toward its stupefying peak, she noticed brown, streaky stains on her drawers. After a day or two they went away, but six weeks later they came back, and her shame turned to terror. The first time she had thought them signs of a dirty bottom, thus her mortification⁵, but in their second appearance they became unmistakably blood. She had no idea where the blood was coming from, but assumed it was her bottom. The slow hemorrhage was gone three days later, and did not recur⁶ for over two months; her furtive⁷ washing of the drawers had gone unnoticed, for she did most of the laundry anyway. The next attack brought pain, the first non-bilious rigors⁸ of her life. And the bleeding was worse, far worse. She stole some of the twins' discarded diapers and tried to bind⁹ herself under her drawers, terrified the blood would come through. Death taking Hal had been like a tempestuous¹⁰ visit from something ghostly; but this strung-out cessation of her own being was terrifying. How could she possibly go to Fee or Paddy to break the news that she was dying from some disreputable, forbidden disease of the bottom? Only to Frank might she have poured out her torment¹¹, but Frank was so far away she didn't know where to find him. She had listened to the women talk over their cups of tea of tumors and cancers, gruesome lingering deaths their friends or mothers or sisters had endured, and it seemed to Meggie sure to be some kind of growth eating her insides away, chewing silently up toward her frightened heart. Oh, she didn't want to die!

Her ideas about the condition of death were vague; she wasn't even clear on what her status would be in that incomprehensible other world. Religion to Meggie was a set of laws rather than a spiritual experience, it couldn't help her at all. Words and phrases jostled piecemeal¹² in her panicked consciousness, uttered by her parents, their friends, the nuns¹³, priests in sermons, bad men in books threatening vengeance¹⁴. 

1 savage   

adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人

参考例句：

• The poor man received a savage beating from the thugs.那可怜的人遭到暴徒的痛打。
• He has a savage temper.他脾气粗暴。

2 strictly   

adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地

参考例句：

• His doctor is dieting him strictly.他的医生严格规定他的饮食。
• The guests were seated strictly in order of precedence.客人严格按照地位高低就座。

3 kenneled   

v.狗窝( kennel的过去式和过去分词 )；养狗场

参考例句：

4 awareness   

n.意识，觉悟，懂事，明智

参考例句：

• There is a general awareness that smoking is harmful.人们普遍认识到吸烟有害健康。
• Environmental awareness has increased over the years.这些年来人们的环境意识增强了。

5 mortification   

n.耻辱，屈辱

参考例句：

• To my mortification, my manuscript was rejected. 使我感到失面子的是：我的稿件被退了回来。
• The chairman tried to disguise his mortification. 主席试图掩饰自己的窘迫。

6 recur   

vi.复发，重现，再发生

参考例句：

• Economic crises recur periodically.经济危机周期性地发生。
• Of course,many problems recur at various periods.当然，有许多问题会在不同的时期反复提出。

7 furtive   

adj.鬼鬼崇崇的，偷偷摸摸的

参考例句：

• The teacher was suspicious of the student's furtive behaviour during the exam.老师怀疑这个学生在考试时有偷偷摸摸的行为。
• His furtive behaviour aroused our suspicion.他鬼鬼祟祟的行为引起了我们的怀疑。

8 rigors   

严格( rigor的名词复数 )； 严酷； 严密； （由惊吓或中毒等导致的身体）僵直

参考例句：

• The rigors of that lonely land need no further description. 生活在那个穷乡僻壤的困苦是无庸赘言的。
• You aren't ready for the rigors of industry. 你不适合干工业的艰苦工作了。

9 bind   

vt.捆，包扎；装订；约束；使凝固；vi.变硬

参考例句：

• I will let the waiter bind up the parcel for you.我让服务生帮你把包裹包起来。
• He wants a shirt that does not bind him.他要一件不使他觉得过紧的衬衫。

10 tempestuous   

adj.狂暴的

参考例句：

• She burst into a tempestuous fit of anger.她勃然大怒。
• Dark and tempestuous was night.夜色深沉，狂风肆虐，暴雨倾盆。

11 torment   

n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠

参考例句：

• He has never suffered the torment of rejection.他从未经受过遭人拒绝的痛苦。
• Now nothing aggravates me more than when people torment each other.没有什么东西比人们的互相折磨更使我愤怒。

12 piecemeal   

adj.零碎的；n.片，块；adv.逐渐地；v.弄成碎块

参考例句：

• A lack of narrative drive leaves the reader with piecemeal vignettes.叙述缺乏吸引力，读者读到的只是一些支离破碎的片段。
• Let's settle the matter at one stroke,not piecemeal.把这事一气儿解决了吧，别零敲碎打了。

13 nuns   

n.（通常指基督教的）修女， （佛教的）尼姑( nun的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Ah Q had always had the greatest contempt for such people as little nuns. 小尼姑之流是阿Q本来视如草芥的。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》
• Nuns are under vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. 修女须立誓保持清贫、贞洁、顺从。 来自辞典例句

14 vengeance   

n.报复，报仇，复仇

参考例句：

• He swore vengeance against the men who murdered his father.他发誓要向那些杀害他父亲的人报仇。
• For years he brooded vengeance.多年来他一直在盘算报仇。