【荆棘鸟】第六章 22

That's what I'm here for, that's why I'm a priest. I am Our Lord's chosen representative here on earth, I listen on His behalf, I even forgive on His behalf. And, wee Meggie, there is nothing in God's universe He and I cannot find it in our hearts to forgive. You must tell me what the matter is, my love, because if anyone can help you, 1 c. As long as I live I'll try to help you, watch over you. If you like, a sort of guardian¹ angel, better by far than that chunk² of marble above your head." He took a breath and leaned forward. "Meggie, if you love me, tell me!"

Her hands gripped one another. "Father, I'm dying! I've got cancer!" First came a wild desire to laugh, a great surge of uproarious anticlimax³; then he looked at the thin blue skin, the wasting of her little arms, and there came an awful longing⁴ to weep and cry, scream of its unfairness to the roof of heaven. No, Meggie wouldn't imagine this out of nothing; there had to be a valid⁵ reason.

"How do you know, dear heart?"

It took her a long time to say it, and when she did he had to bend his head right down to her lips in an unconscious parody⁶ of the confessional pose, hand

shielding his face from her eyes, finely modeled ear presented for the sullying.

"It's six months, Father, since it started. I get the most awful pains in my tummy, but not like a bilious⁷ attack, and-oh, Father!-a lot of blood runs out of my bottom!"

His head reared back, something which had never happened inside the confessional; he stared down at her shamed bent⁸ head with so many emotions assaulting him that he could not marshal his wits. An absurd, delicious relief; an anger at Fee so great he wanted to kill her; awed⁹ admiration¹⁰ for such a little thing as her, to bear so much so well; and a ghastly, all-pervasive embarrassment¹¹.

He was as much a prisoner of the times as she was. The cheap girls in every town he had known from Dublin to Gillanbone would deliberately¹² come into the confessional to whisper their fantasies to him as actual happenings, concerned with the only facet¹³ of him which interested them, his manhood, and not willing to admit it lay beyond their power to arouse it. They muttered of men violating every orifice, of illicit¹⁴ games with other girls, of lust¹⁵ and adultery, one or two of superior imagination even going so far as to detail sexual relations with a priest. And he would listen totally unmoved save for a sick contempt, 

 

这就是我为什么坐地这里的缘故。这就是我为什么当教士的缘故。我是上帝选派在这个地方的代表，我代表他去倾听申述，我代表他去给予宽恕。小梅吉，在上帝的天地里，他和我还没有发现我们心中有任何事情不可宽恕呢。我的宝贝儿，你必须告诉我出了什么事，因为假使有什么人能够帮助你的话，那么就是我。只要我活着，我就会竭尽全力帮助你，守卫着你。如果你愿意，你可以把我当作守护神，我可比你头上的那个大理石块要强得多啊。"他吸了一口气，往后一靠。"梅吉，如果你爱我的话，就告诉我！"

　　她一只手紧握着另一只手："神父，我要死了，我得癌症了！"

　　他起先憋不住想纵声大笑，这简直是虎头蛇尾，一场可笑的虚惊；后来，他看到她那发青的细嫩的皮肤，看到她那消瘦的小胳臂，又觉得很想痛哭一场，为事情的不公平而痛哭一场。不，梅吉不会毫无理由胡思乱想的，其中必有道理。

　　"你怎么知道的，宝贝儿？"

　　为了说明这件事，她费了半天时间。在她讲的时候，他不得不低下头凑到她的唇边，不知不觉地做出了一种拙劣的听取忏海的姿势：一只手挡着自己的眼睛不去看她的脸，伸出他的耳朵去听不光彩的事。

　　"从开始到现在已经有六个月了，神父。我的肚子疼极了，可是和动肝火的疼不一样，而且--哦，神父！--从我的下边还流出了好多好多的血呢！"

　　他的头一扬，这忏悔里根本没有什么了不起的东西；他低头望着她那含羞低下的头，心中象打翻了五味瓶，脑子里乱糟糟的。他感到一种既荒谬又宽慰，一种恨不得把菲杀死才解恨的愤怒。这样一个孩子居然能不动声色地把这样的大事压在心里，使他既感到钦佩，又感到全身的不自在。

　　他和她一样，都是时代的俘虏。从达布林到基兰博，在他所知道的每个城镇，那些轻贱的姑娘们要是真碰上哪怕是一件能引起他对她们兴趣的小事，都会故意跑来哭着忏悔一边的。她们谪谪咕咕地抱怨男人不放过任何玷污女人的空子，抱怨其他姑娘所搞的一些不正当的把戏。除了感到厌恶和轻蔑之外，他能不动声色地听着。

1 guardian   

n.监护人；守卫者，保护者

参考例句：

• The form must be signed by the child's parents or guardian. 这张表格须由孩子的家长或监护人签字。
• The press is a guardian of the public weal. 报刊是公共福利的卫护者。

2 chunk   

n.厚片，大块，相当大的部分（数量）

参考例句：

• They had to be careful of floating chunks of ice.他们必须当心大块浮冰。
• The company owns a chunk of farmland near Gatwick Airport.该公司拥有盖特威克机场周边的大片农田。

3 anticlimax   

n.令人扫兴的结局；突降法

参考例句：

• Travelling in Europe was something of an anticlimax after the years he'd spent in Africa.他在非洲生活了多年，到欧洲旅行真是有点太平淡了。
• It was an anticlimax when they abandoned the game.他们放弃比赛，真是扫兴。

4 longing   

n.（for）渴望

参考例句：

• Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
• His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。

5 valid   

adj.有确实根据的；有效的；正当的，合法的

参考例句：

• His claim to own the house is valid.他主张对此屋的所有权有效。
• Do you have valid reasons for your absence?你的缺席有正当理由吗？

6 parody   

n.打油诗文，诙谐的改编诗文，拙劣的模仿；v.拙劣模仿，作模仿诗文

参考例句：

• The parody was just a form of teasing.那个拙劣的模仿只是一种揶揄。
• North Korea looks like a grotesque parody of Mao's centrally controlled China,precisely the sort of system that Beijing has left behind.朝鲜看上去像是毛时代中央集权的中国的怪诞模仿，其体制恰恰是北京方面已经抛弃的。

7 bilious   

adj.胆汁过多的；易怒的

参考例句：

• The quality or condition of being bilious.多脂肪食物使有些人患胆汁病。
• He was a bilious old gentleman.他是一位脾气乖戾的老先生。

8 bent   

n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的

参考例句：

• He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
• We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。

9 awed   

adj.充满敬畏的，表示敬畏的v.使敬畏，使惊惧( awe的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The audience was awed into silence by her stunning performance. 观众席上鸦雀无声，人们对他出色的表演感到惊叹。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• I was awed by the huge gorilla. 那只大猩猩使我惊惧。 来自《简明英汉词典》

10 admiration   

n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕

参考例句：

• He was lost in admiration of the beauty of the scene.他对风景之美赞不绝口。
• We have a great admiration for the gold medalists.我们对金牌获得者极为敬佩。

11 embarrassment   

n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫

参考例句：

• She could have died away with embarrassment.她窘迫得要死。
• Coughing at a concert can be a real embarrassment.在音乐会上咳嗽真会使人难堪。

12 deliberately   

adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地

参考例句：

• The girl gave the show away deliberately.女孩故意泄露秘密。
• They deliberately shifted off the argument.他们故意回避这个论点。

13 facet   

n.(问题等的)一个方面；(多面体的)面

参考例句：

• He has perfected himself in every facet of his job.他已使自己对工作的各个方面都得心应手。
• Every facet of college life is fascinating.大学生活的每个方面都令人兴奋。

14 illicit   

adj.非法的，禁止的，不正当的

参考例句：

• He had an illicit association with Jane.他和简曾有过不正当关系。
• Seizures of illicit drugs have increased by 30% this year.今年违禁药品的扣押增长了30%。

15 lust   

n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望

参考例句：

• He was filled with lust for power.他内心充满了对权力的渴望。
• Sensing the explorer's lust for gold, the chief wisely presented gold ornaments as gifts.酋长觉察出探险者们垂涎黄金的欲念，就聪明地把金饰品作为礼物赠送给他们。