词汇大师-- At a Party, If All Else Fails

　　AA: I'm Avi Arditti with Rosanne Skirble, and this week on Wordmaster: If mixing with people at parties leaves you at a loss for words, writer Jeanne Martinet¹ offers some help in an updated edition of her popular book "The Art of Mingling²."
RS: "Give us some tips -- what works³?"

　　JEANNE MARTINET: "Well, what doesn't work is that you should never walk up to somebody and ask them right away what they do for a living. It's not only sort of rude, and it's sort of like 'who are you, are you worth my time?' But it's also bringing up a conversation that you don't know what you're bringing up.
"There's an opening technique that I call the 'flattery entrée,' which works very well if that person has an unusual pair of earrings⁴ or tie on. You can walk up to somebody and say 'Hey, I really like that pair of earrings' and you get into it that way. I think the mistake that people make is they think that the only way to talk to people is to ask them questions. And while that's good to do within a conversation, it's actually less threatening to open with something that's more of an observation.
"One of the reasons that people, I think, are afraid to approach strangers at parties is they're really afraid of what happens if something bad does, you know, occur. And if you know that you can escape from anyone, it actually makes you much less afraid to talk to people in the first place.
"So, you know, you'll try and talk to someone and it doesn't work very well, and maybe you get the idea they really would rather go back to the conversation they were having or something, in which case you can do one of many escape techniques that can help you save face -- or even get you away from someone that you discover that you don't want to talk to."
AA: "For example?"
JEANNE MARTINET: "Like, you know, the 'buffet⁵ bye-bye' -- what my cute name for 'well, I've really got to get a drink' or 'I'm starving -- that thing you're eating is making me even more hungry. I'll be back.' You can even say 'I'll be back' and never come back. At a party you're allowed to do that."
AA: "Now let me ask you about -- I know in every culture certain subjects are maybe off-limits or you really shouldn't [talk about them] unless you know a person well. So, thinking about in American culture, three that come to mind are money, religion and politics -- "
JEANNE MARTINET: "Yes!"
AA: "What do you think about that."
JEANNE MARTINET: "The two safe subjects used to be your health and the weather. Well, the weather now leads you to topics of global warming -- at least it does [for] me -- and your health, you can easily start talking about health insurance, and before you know it you are in the areas of politics. So I outline in the book ways to test for people who might be fanatics⁶ in certain areas, so you can really stay away, and also 'defuse' and 'escape' lines."
RS: "What would be some of those -- you talked a little bit about escape lines, but you're in an argument or you find yourself close to an argument, how do you get out of it?"
JEANNE MARTINET: "Well, most of them are sort of cute lines which are just tension-defusing lines like 'well, I guess we can't solve the world's problems in one day.' Or you say, if it's really gotten heated and you feel up to this particular kind of humor⁷, you can say, 'Well, you know, if we talk about this anymore, we're going to have to step outside.'"
RS: "All right, let's put a context⁸ here. We have a student, a foreign student, in the United States or elsewhere⁹ [who is] with a group of Americans and wants to mingle¹⁰. What kind of advice would you give to this person [about] how to start and how to go through his day?"
JEANNE MARTINET: "If you're talking about mingling at a gathering¹¹ of a lot of people, I've often used this when I'm feeling particularly out of my element and I don't know anybody, I will go up to someone or a group of people and say: 'Hi, my name is Jeanne Martinet and I don't know a single soul at this party.'
"That is really -- really, basically¹² to throw yourself in a little bit asking for help from other people, is usually not a bad idea because it kind of endears you to the people and it usually gives you a warm response. People who are really shy can try using what I call the 'fade-in,' which is where you go up to the periphery¹³ of a group of people and listen carefully to what's being said, and then just adding in your two cents when it's appropriate.
RS: "Jeanne, this takes courage."
JEANNE MARTINET: "It doesn't; it takes practice. It's funny, because once you do it a couple of times, like if somebody who just listening to me saying this, would just use that approach that I said, where they walked up to somebody and said 'you know, I don't know a single person at this party,' when they get this response that they will get, -- nine times out of ten it will be a wonderful like 'oh, this is so-and-so and please let us show -- I'll introduce you to Joe over here.' And when that happens, and that happens a couple of times, you will start to lose your fear.
"Everybody is just as afraid as they are. That's the other one of my mingling survival¹⁴ rules is that nobody is thinking about you, they're only thinking about themselves. So it's sort of helpful to remember this to become less self-conscious."
AA: But Jeanne Martinet, the author of "The Art of Mingling," says you should also remember not to monopolize¹⁵ people at parties, or you could be seen as a "barnacle." In general, she says, spend five to fifteen minutes chatting, then move on.
RS: And that's Wordmaster for this week. You can find lots more advice about communicating in our archives at voanews.com/wordmaster. And our e-mail address is [email protected]. With Avi Arditti, I'm Rosanne Skirble.

1 martinet   

n.要求严格服从纪律的人

参考例句：

• They discover that the new teacher is a martinet.他们发现新来的老师非常严格。
• He's a retired Lieutenant Colonel and a bit of a martinet.他是个退役中校，有点军人作风。

2 mingling   

adj.混合的

参考例句：

• There was a spring of bitterness mingling with that fountain of sweets. 在这个甜蜜的源泉中间，已经掺和进苦涩的山水了。
• The mingling of inconsequence belongs to us all. 这场矛盾混和物是我们大家所共有的。

3 works   

n.作品，著作；工厂，活动部件，机件

参考例句：

• We expect writers to produce more and better works.我们期望作家们写出更多更好的作品。
• The novel is regarded as one of the classic works.这篇小说被公认为是最优秀的作品之一。

4 earrings   

n.耳环( earring的名词复数 )；耳坠子

参考例句：

• a pair of earrings 一对耳环
• These earrings snap on with special fastener. 这付耳环是用特制的按扣扣上去的。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 buffet   

n.自助餐；饮食柜台；餐台

参考例句：

• Are you having a sit-down meal or a buffet at the wedding?你想在婚礼中摆桌宴还是搞自助餐？
• Could you tell me what specialties you have for the buffet?你能告诉我你们的自助餐有什么特色菜吗？

6 fanatics   

狂热者，入迷者( fanatic的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The heathen temple was torn down by a crowd of religions fanatics. 异教徒的神殿被一群宗教狂热分子拆除了。
• Placing nukes in the hands of baby-faced fanatics? 把核弹交给一些宗教狂热者手里？

7 humor   

n.(humour)幽默，诙谐

参考例句：

• He is distinguished for his sense of humor.他以其幽默感著称。
• American humor is founded largely on hyperbole.美式幽默主要以夸张为基础。

8 context   

n.背景，环境，上下文，语境

参考例句：

• You can always tell the meaning of a word from its context.你常可以从上下文中猜出词义来。
• This sentence does not seem to connect with the context.这个句子似乎与上下文脱节。

9 elsewhere   

adv.在别处，到别处

参考例句：

• Our favourite restaurant was full so we had to go elsewhere.我们最喜欢去的那家饭店客满了，因此不得不改去别处。
• I have half a mind to move elsewhere.我有点想搬到别处去。

10 mingle   

vt.使混合，使相混；vi.混合起来；相交往

参考例句：

• If we mingle with the crowd,we should not be noticed.如果我们混在人群中，就不会被注意到。
• Oil will not mingle with water.油和水不相融。

11 gathering   

n.集会，聚会，聚集

参考例句：

• He called on Mr. White to speak at the gathering.他请怀特先生在集会上讲话。
• He is on the wing gathering material for his novels.他正忙于为他的小说收集资料。

12 basically   

adv.基本上，从根本上说

参考例句：

• His heart is basically sound.他的心脏基本上健康。
• Basically I agree with your plan.我基本上同意你的计划。

13 periphery   

n.(圆体的)外面；周围

参考例句：

• Geographically, the UK is on the periphery of Europe.从地理位置上讲，英国处于欧洲边缘。
• The periphery of the retina is very sensitive to motion.视网膜的外围对运动非常敏感。

14 survival   

n.留住生命，生存，残存，幸存者

参考例句：

• The doctor told my wife I had a fifty-fifty chance of survival.医生告诉我的妻子，说我活下去的可能性只有50%。
• The old man was a survival of a past age.这位老人是上一代的遗老。

15 monopolize   

v.垄断，独占，专营

参考例句：

• She tried to monopolize his time.她想独占他的时间。
• They are controlling so much cocoa that they are virtually monopolizing the market.他们控制了大量的可可粉，因此他们几乎垄断了整个市场。