TED演讲:内心的喧哗(2)

 　　I was referred to a psychiatrist¹, who likewise took a grim view of the voice's presence, 我被转介给精神科医生，有声音这件事被很严肃地看待

　　subsequently interpreting everything I said through a lens of latent insanity². 所以接着我所说的一切都被当作精神异常的可能征兆

　　For example, I was part of a student TV station that broadcast news bulletins around the campus, 比方说，我们学校有新闻电视台，而我是成员之一

　　and during an appointment which was running very late,  有一次会面的时间太久

　　I said, "I'm sorry, doctor, I've got to go. I'm reading the news at six." 我说:"医生，抱歉我得走了!我还要回去报6点的新闻"

　　Now it's down on my medical records that Eleanor has delusions³ that she's a television news broadcaster. 结果诊断书上说我幻想自已是电视新闻主播

　　It was at this point that events began to rapidly overtake me. 从此事情发展迅速超出我所能掌控

　　A hospital admission followed, the first of many, a diagnosis⁴ of schizophrenia came next, 就在我住院后,精神分裂的诊断也一一确定了

　　and then, worst of all, a toxic⁵, tormenting⁶ sense of hopelessness, humiliation⁷ and despair about myself and my prospects⁸. 最糟的是，那种不抱希望、屈辱，还有对自己和前途绝望的折磨令人痛苦不堪

　　But having been encouraged to see the voice not as an experience but as a symptom,  因为一直被灌输这个观念，听到怪声音不是一种经验，是有病

　　my fear and resistance towards it intensified⁹.  我对此的恐惧和抗拒也与日俱增

　　Now essentially¹⁰, this represented taking an aggressive stance towards my own mind, 本质上，这等于要我与自己的思想为敌

　　a kind of psychic¹¹ civil war,  就像是心灵内战

　　and in turn this caused the number of voices to increase and grow progressively hostile and menacing. 结果我听到的怪声音反而变多了且逐渐衍生出敌意

　　Helplessly and hopelessly, I began to retreat into this nightmarish inner world 感到绝望又无助的我便自我封闭于噩梦般的内心世界

　　in which the voices were destined¹² to become both my persecutors and my only perceived companions. 而那些声音便成了其中我唯一的伙伴及加害者

　　They told me, for example, that if I proved myself worthy¹³ of their help, 那些声音告诉我，如果我能证明

　　then they could change my life back to how it had been,  自己值得他们帮助，那么他们可让我的人生回到原来的样子

　　and a series of increasingly bizarre tasks was set, a kind of labor¹⁴ of Hercules. 而一连串怪异的任务于焉展开，都不是容易应付的那种

　　It started off quite small, for example, pull out three strands¹⁵ of hair,  刚开始还只是小意思，像是拔下3搓头发

　　but gradually it grew more extreme, culminating in commands to harm myself, 但逐渐变本加厉，最后要我做一些伤害自己的事

　　and a particularly dramatic instruction:  还有一些蛮夸张的指示

　　"You see that tutor over there? You see that glass of water? " "看见那助教没?有一杯水对吧?"

　　Well, you have to go over and pour it over him in front of the other students."  "我要妳过去在其他学生面前，把水倒在他头上"

　　Which I actually did, and which needless to say did not endear me to the faculty¹⁶. 我真的照做了! 当然不用说，我也成为教职员眼中的头痛人物

　　In effect, a vicious cycle of fear, avoidance, mistrust and misunderstanding had been established, 事实上，恐惧、回避、猜忌和误解的恶性循环已经形成

　　and this was a battle in which I felt powerless and incapable¹⁷ of establishing any kind of peace or reconciliation¹⁸. 但我无力抗拒，也无法妥协或平静下来

　　Two years later, and the deterioration¹⁹ was dramatic.  2年后，情况急遽转坏

　　By now, I had the whole frenzied²⁰ repertoire:  这期间我经历过各种怪事

　　terrifying voices, grotesque²¹ visions, bizarre, intractable delusions. 令人害怕的声音，丑陋的影像，莫名的怪异幻象

　　My mental health status had been a catalyst²² for discrimination, verbal abuse, 而我的心理状态让我饱受歧视与言词羞辱

　　and physical and sexual assault,  甚至被攻击和性侵

　　and I'd been told by my psychiatrist, "Eleanor, you'd be better off with cancer, 我的心理医生还曾告诉我："Eleanor, 妳若是得癌症还比较好"

　　because cancer is easier to cure than schizophrenia."  精神分裂还比较难治!"

　　I'd been diagnosed, drugged and discarded,  经过诊断、用药，然后被遗弃

　　and was by now so tormented²³ by the voices that I attempted to drill a hole in my head in order to get them out. 深受那些声音所苦，让我一度想在头上开个洞，好把那些声音赶出去

　　Now looking back on the wreckage²⁴ and despair of those years,  回首这些年的千疮百孔

　　it seems to me now as if someone died in that place, and yet, someone else was saved. 看来就像有人陨殁，但另一个人却获救

　　A broken and haunted person began that journey,  起初那个伤痕累累又不安的人

　　but the person who emerged was a survivor²⁵ and would ultimately grow into the person I was destined to be. 已褪变为一个救星，最后变成命中注定的样子

1 psychiatrist   

n.精神病专家；精神病医师

参考例句：

• He went to a psychiatrist about his compulsive gambling.他去看精神科医生治疗不能自拔的赌瘾。
• The psychiatrist corrected him gently.精神病医师彬彬有礼地纠正他。

2 insanity   

n.疯狂，精神错乱；极端的愚蠢，荒唐

参考例句：

• In his defense he alleged temporary insanity.他伪称一时精神错乱，为自己辩解。
• He remained in his cell,and this visit only increased the belief in his insanity.他依旧还是住在他的地牢里，这次视察只是更加使人相信他是个疯子了。

3 delusions   

n.欺骗( delusion的名词复数 )；谬见；错觉；妄想

参考例句：

• the delusions of the mentally ill 精神病患者的妄想
• She wants to travel first-class: she must have delusions of grandeur. 她想坐头等舱旅行，她一定自以为很了不起。 来自辞典例句

4 diagnosis   

n.诊断，诊断结果，调查分析，判断

参考例句：

• His symptoms gave no obvious pointer to a possible diagnosis.他的症状无法作出明确的诊断。
• The engineer made a complete diagnosis of the bridge's collapse.工程师对桥的倒塌做一次彻底的调查分析。

5 toxic   

adj.有毒的，因中毒引起的

参考例句：

• The factory had accidentally released a quantity of toxic waste into the sea.这家工厂意外泄漏大量有毒废物到海中。
• There is a risk that toxic chemicals might be blasted into the atmosphere.爆炸后有毒化学物质可能会进入大气层。

6 tormenting   

使痛苦的，使苦恼的

参考例句：

• He took too much pleasure in tormenting an ugly monster called Caliban. 他喜欢一味捉弄一个名叫凯列班的丑妖怪。
• The children were scolded for tormenting animals. 孩子们因折磨动物而受到责骂。

7 humiliation   

n.羞辱

参考例句：

• He suffered the humiliation of being forced to ask for his cards.他蒙受了被迫要求辞职的羞辱。
• He will wish to revenge his humiliation in last Season's Final.他会为在上个季度的决赛中所受的耻辱而报复的。

8 prospects   

n.希望，前途(恒为复数)

参考例句：

• There is a mood of pessimism in the company about future job prospects. 公司中有一种对工作前景悲观的情绪。
• They are less sanguine about the company's long-term prospects. 他们对公司的远景不那么乐观。

9 intensified   

v.（使）增强， （使）加剧( intensify的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• Violence intensified during the night. 在夜间暴力活动加剧了。
• The drought has intensified. 旱情加剧了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

10 essentially   

adv.本质上，实质上，基本上

参考例句：

• Really great men are essentially modest.真正的伟人大都很谦虚。
• She is an essentially selfish person.她本质上是个自私自利的人。

11 psychic   

n.对超自然力敏感的人；adj.有超自然力的

参考例句：

• Some people are said to have psychic powers.据说有些人有通灵的能力。
• She claims to be psychic and to be able to foretell the future.她自称有特异功能，能预知未来。

12 destined   

adj.命中注定的；(for)以…为目的地的

参考例句：

• It was destined that they would marry.他们结婚是缘分。
• The shipment is destined for America.这批货物将运往美国。

13 worthy   

adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。

14 labor   

n.劳动，努力，工作，劳工；分娩；vi.劳动，努力，苦干；vt.详细分析；麻烦

参考例句：

• We are never late in satisfying him for his labor.我们从不延误付给他劳动报酬。
• He was completely spent after two weeks of hard labor.艰苦劳动两周后，他已经疲惫不堪了。

15 strands   

n.（线、绳、金属线、毛发等的）股( strand的名词复数 )；缕；海洋、湖或河的)岸；（观点、计划、故事等的）部份v.使滞留，使搁浅( strand的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• Twist a length of rope from strands of hemp. 用几股麻搓成了一段绳子。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• She laced strands into a braid. 她把几股线编织成一根穗带。 来自《简明英汉词典》

16 faculty   

n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员

参考例句：

• He has a great faculty for learning foreign languages.他有学习外语的天赋。
• He has the faculty of saying the right thing at the right time.他有在恰当的时候说恰当的话的才智。

17 incapable   

adj.无能力的，不能做某事的

参考例句：

• He would be incapable of committing such a cruel deed.他不会做出这么残忍的事。
• Computers are incapable of creative thought.计算机不会创造性地思维。

18 reconciliation   

n.和解，和谐，一致

参考例句：

• He was taken up with the reconciliation of husband and wife.他忙于做夫妻间的调解工作。
• Their handshake appeared to be a gesture of reconciliation.他们的握手似乎是和解的表示。

19 deterioration   

n.退化；恶化；变坏

参考例句：

• Mental and physical deterioration both occur naturally with age. 随着年龄的增长，心智和体力自然衰退。
• The car's bodywork was already showing signs of deterioration. 这辆车的车身已经显示出了劣化迹象。

20 frenzied   

a.激怒的；疯狂的

参考例句：

• Will this push him too far and lead to a frenzied attack? 这会不会逼他太甚，导致他进行疯狂的进攻？
• Two teenagers carried out a frenzied attack on a local shopkeeper. 两名十几岁的少年对当地的一个店主进行了疯狂的袭击。

21 grotesque   

adj.怪诞的，丑陋的；n.怪诞的图案，怪人（物）

参考例句：

• His face has a grotesque appearance.他的面部表情十分怪。
• Her account of the incident was a grotesque distortion of the truth.她对这件事的陈述是荒诞地歪曲了事实。

22 catalyst   

n.催化剂，造成变化的人或事

参考例句：

• A catalyst is a substance which speeds up a chemical reaction.催化剂是一种能加速化学反应的物质。
• The workers'demand for better conditions was a catalyst for social change.工人们要求改善工作条件促进了社会变革。

23 tormented   

饱受折磨的

参考例句：

• The knowledge of his guilt tormented him. 知道了自己的罪责使他非常痛苦。
• He had lain awake all night, tormented by jealousy. 他彻夜未眠，深受嫉妒的折磨。

24 wreckage   

n.（失事飞机等的）残骸，破坏，毁坏

参考例句：

• They hauled him clear of the wreckage.他们把他从形骸中拖出来。
• New states were born out of the wreckage of old colonial empires.新生国家从老殖民帝国的废墟中诞生。

25 survivor   

n.生存者，残存者，幸存者

参考例句：

• The sole survivor of the crash was an infant.这次撞车的惟一幸存者是一个婴儿。
• There was only one survivor of the plane crash.这次飞机失事中只有一名幸存者。