你有遗憾是吗?

We brought in two people to help us understand what regrets are all about. Reverend Sherri Hausser is an associate pastor¹ at the Bryn Mawr Presbyterian Church in Pennsylvania, and Rabbi Irwin Kula is the author of the new book Yearnings: Embracing the Sacred Messiness of Life. I like that title. Nice to have you both here. (Thank you) (Good to be here) We,we talked about this, I guess in the meeting, everybody on the staff said we should do a segment about regrets. You both thought we should do a segment about regrets. Why? Why, why is it something we need to talk about?

Regrets are amongst the most human things we have. They're, these amazing invitation and opportunity to grow. So (if) you don't have regrets, I mean I wouldn't wanna deal with someone who didn't have regrets.

But immediately you put a positive spin on regrets, and most people don't do that, most people put a negative spin on regrets.

I think they put a negative spin on regrets because we've been taught that regrets are a bad thing, to repress them. So we have a certain amount of shame about regrets. But I think they are absolutely an opportunity if we acknowledge them.

Basically two kinds of regrets, wouldn't that be fair to say you... most people have regrets about a personal relationship or about an opportunity and, and sometimes obviously those things cross over. When is it normal? When is it, when is the amount of time you spend worrying about something you think about normal, when does it become something that negatively impacts your life?

I think if it makes you stop functioning, then it becomes abnormal as long as the regret stays as kind of an energy. Sometimes you have to sit with it a long time. Ok? You sit with the regret and you try to understand, it's never about the past. Regret is not about the past. It's a present emotion. And what it really is, it's a yearning² about something in the future, it's something kind of popping up and saying "wow, I could be more, I could do something different". So it's really about focusing on the future, even though it seems to be about the past.

Sometimes it's about the past; a woman in the pizzeria said I regret not listening to my mom and getting married too young. Clearly she set some problems in the past.

Yeah, that's true. I think that, the, important thing about regret is to not repress it. I think it starts to bother us, and it inhibits³ us from acting⁴ if we don't acknowledge it. I think if we articulate it, look at what the gret regret is. Then it, it frees us up in order to do something about it.

So you both say, "Ok, I've got a regret, all right, here is what I did in a personal relationship, here is what I said to a person that I wished I hadn't said it. Now, get off your butt⁵, and change it. (Yes) So, if you made, if you made someone upset, you go apologize. It is as simple as that?

Well, sometimes it is as simple as that, I mean, depends again what the regret is about. But for example, regretting that you marry too young, it's not about the marry too young, that is over, you can't do anything about the past. But the re, the regret is really about right now. What do I want different about this relationship that I'm in? And sometimes that means I don't wanna be in this relationship anymore, and I have to act that way, and that's a very serious thing, but it is not about the past. A regret is a yearning about the future, and a yearning to be more, right now.

What's the difference between regret and guilt⁶?

I would say that guilt is something that we used to beat ourselves up with. It's something that actually stalls us and keeps us from acting. Re..regret on the other hand, I think it's really an opportunity toward action, if we articulate it, then we're compelled to do something different about it. And it really is an opportunity.

And, and real quickly, either one of you can take this. What do you say to someone, and 'cause some people out there who live with regrets for years, (yes) what do you say to that person?

I would say, first of all, you have to have a shift in perspective, say this the second you feel that regret, "Oh my god, an amazing opportunity right now, to grow, to develop, to discover something new about myself".

I would add to that that the first thing you do is to identify it. The second thing is that if it is something that is past that you can't reclaim⁷ it in a certain way, you have to grieve it. The third thing is by grieving and I think you free yourself up in fact to say what can I do now. If it's that I didn't have a child, maybe I can adopt, if I can't adopt, maybe I can engage the children in my life, my niece's, my nephew's, other people's children, volunteer with children. It's a way to really manifest part of ourselves that's been repressed that we've wanted to inform.

I'm gonna make that one the last word, I regret we're out of time, sorry and everyone (thank you so much), thanks very much, we appreciate...

Thank you

1 pastor   

n.牧师，牧人

参考例句：

• He was the son of a poor pastor.他是一个穷牧师的儿子。
• We have no pastor at present:the church is run by five deacons.我们目前没有牧师：教会的事是由五位执事管理的。

2 yearning   

a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的

参考例句：

• a yearning for a quiet life 对宁静生活的向往
• He felt a great yearning after his old job. 他对过去的工作有一种强烈的渴想。

3 inhibits   

阻止，抑制( inhibit的第三人称单数 )； 使拘束，使尴尬

参考例句：

• A small manufacturing sector inhibits growth in the economy. 制造业规模太小有碍经济增长。
• His bad English inhibits him from speaking freely. 他英语学得不好，这使他不能表达自如。

4 acting   

n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的

参考例句：

• Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她，她只是假装的。
• During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代，她的表演生涯黯然失色。

5 butt   

n.笑柄；烟蒂；枪托；臀部；v.用头撞或顶

参考例句：

• The water butt catches the overflow from this pipe.大水桶盛接管子里流出的东西。
• He was the butt of their jokes.他是他们的笑柄。

6 guilt   

n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责

参考例句：

• She tried to cover up her guilt by lying.她企图用谎言掩饰自己的罪行。
• Don't lay a guilt trip on your child about schoolwork.别因为功课责备孩子而使他觉得很内疚。

7 reclaim   

v.要求归还，收回；开垦

参考例句：

• I have tried to reclaim my money without success.我没能把钱取回来。
• You must present this ticket when you reclaim your luggage.当你要取回行李时，必须出示这张票子。