西部落：女人为什么会撒谎 I

Why women lie

Author Susan Shapiro Barash and relationship expert Argie Allen discuss the reasons females are carrying around deep, dark secrets.

Advice columnist¹ Ann Landers once said that the naked truth is always better than the best-addressed lie. But some new information on women and lying could leave you wondering was anyone listening.

I'm sleeping with a 25-year-old.

what did you just say?

I'm sleeping with a 25-year-old.

On NBC's Lipstick² Jungle, one woman lies on the job when accused of sexual harassment³.

Is there any truth? Jay's claim?

No, absolutely not.

And in the classic film, Belle⁴ de Jour, this woman is both chaste⁵ wife and unknown to her husband, a prostitute.

Sure, these are the stories of the big and small screen, but might they reflect real-life drama more than you'd initially⁶ think?

A new book "Little white lies, deep dark screts" suggested that the answer to that question is yes. Its author found women use lies in a broad range of areas as a means to an end. 75% of women say have to lie in the workplace to sustain their positions. 60% admit to an addiction⁷ secret. 50% have mixed emotions about mothering.

I think that women, you know, keep secrets in order to protect themselves. uh, nobody likes to be judged, you know, I do have a very open relationship with my children, but when they ask me direct questions, I don't feel it's always beneficial to, you know, to answer them.

I think everyone, you know, conceal⁸ the truth, all throughout their day at different times, in different ways, in different situations, and because of that, you know, all different types of things can be considered lying, yeah.

Sometimes, you're left better unsaid, if that, if that telling a lie by not telling how you really feel, then I do, I'm guilty of it.

Lying is a survival mechanism⁹, so we yes, we definitely all do it.

And Susan Shapiro Barash, she is the author of "Little white lies, deep dark secrets". Argie Allen is a relationship therapist. Good morning to both of you.

I want to point out that those two women, you just saw, they are not serial¹⁰ liars¹¹ by any means, they are just speaking in general terms about women and lying. And Susan, you found out through your research that most women live by this code of lying, secrets and deception¹². Is it something that's hardwired in us, or is it nurtured¹³?

I think it's both, Merida, it's partly the culture, really almost encouraging women to make a secret of anything that isn't what they're supposed to do, perhaps, an addiction, women lie about money, and then nurturing¹⁴ while our mothers have often taught us how to lie compassionately¹⁵, you don't tell your friend she doesn't look good in a dress, you don't tell your husband you don't like the necklace he brought home.

But those are innocent lies, aren't they?

Innocent lies, but they can take you to the lie that you really need and sometimes it's just expedient¹⁶ to lie. So women have to decide.

We have some of our viewers email us things that they lie about, and one woman wrote my biggest lie would be my happiness in my marriage. I'm actually miserable¹⁷ but put on the facade¹⁸ that all is ok. Another said that I don't tell my husband exactly how much money we have and what we owe. I also don't tell him how much of a tax refund¹⁹ we received.

Now those, those are going towards the bad, aren't they?

Well, these are betterment lies, thy lie improves the situation, and you know if you reveal your secret, you feel that it is not really going to help you.

作家Susan Shapiro Barash和恋爱专家Argie Allen一起探讨了女人喜欢说谎的原因。

专栏作家Ann Landers曾经说过，赤裸裸的事实总比精心编造的谎言要好。但是一些关于女人和撒谎的最新信息却会让你不得不好好考虑你听到的话。

我跟一个25岁的人睡觉。

你刚才说什么？

我跟一个25岁的人睡觉。

在NBC的Lipstick Jungle节目中，在被指控有性困扰时，一名女子说了谎。

她说的是实话吗？Jay所说的话？

不，绝对不是。

在Belle de Jour这部经典电影中，这名女子在她丈夫心目中是贞洁的，但是他丈夫不知道，她是一名妓女。

当然，在电影中有很多这样的故事，但是他们能比你最初认为的更能反映现实生活吗？

一本新书“善意小谎言背后的大秘密”说明这个问题的答案是“是”。这本书的作者发现，女人在很多场合使用谎言来作为结束的方式。75%的女人说，为了保住工作，她们必须在工作场合说谎。60%的人承认她们对说谎上瘾。50%的人对说谎感到情绪复杂。

我认为，你知道，女人持有小秘密是为了保护自己。没人喜欢被别人评论，你知道，我跟孩子们之间的关系非常公开，但是当他们直接问我某些问题的时候，我觉得做出回答并不一定有好处。

我认为，每个人每时每刻都在不同的环境下以不同的方式撒谎，因此，你知道，任何种类的事情都可以被认为是在说谎。

有时，你根本就没有说出口，如果这样的话，如果不想说出自己的真实感受而说谎，我会感觉到很愧疚。

Susan Shapiro Barash是“善意小谎言背后的大秘密”的作者。Argie Allen是恋爱关系临床医学家。早上好。

我需要指出的是，你见到的这两名女子，她们从任何意义上讲都并不是谎言家，她们只是从通常意义上来讨论女人和说谎的问题。Susan，你在研究中发现，大部分女人依靠谎言，秘密和诡计来生存。这是我们的本性，还是后天培养的呢？

我认为双方面都有，Merida。而环境的影响会鼓励女人保守任何他们不打算保守的秘密。可能是上瘾，女人在金钱方面撒谎，之后我们的母亲经常教给我们怎样装的楚楚可怜。如果你的朋友穿的裙子并不好看，你不会告诉她，你也不会告诉你丈夫，你不喜欢他带回来的项链。

但是这些都是无罪的谎言，不是吗？

是的，但是这会导致你在必要的时候真的撒谎，有时撒谎只是权宜之计。所以女人们必须做好决定。

有些读者来信告诉我们他们说过的谎话，有一名女子说，我最大的谎言就是我的婚姻是快乐的，我非常痛苦，但是表面上却装的若无其事。另外一个说，我没有告诉我丈夫我们到底有多少钱，我们欠多少债。我也没告诉他我们收到多少退税。

这些谎言就会越陷越深，不是吗？

这些都是善意的谎言，撒谎可以改善形势，你知道如果你说出你的秘密，情况会比较糟糕。

1 columnist   

n.专栏作家

参考例句：

• The host was interviewing a local columnist.节目主持人正在同一位当地的专栏作家交谈。
• She's a columnist for USA Today.她是《今日美国报》的专栏作家。

2 lipstick   

n.口红，唇膏

参考例句：

• Taking out her lipstick,she began to paint her lips.她拿出口红，开始往嘴唇上抹。
• Lipstick and hair conditioner are cosmetics.口红和护发素都是化妆品。

3 harassment   

n.骚扰，扰乱，烦恼，烦乱

参考例句：

• She often got telephone harassment at night these days.这些天她经常在夜晚受到电话骚扰。
• The company prohibits any form of harassment.公司禁止任何形式的骚扰行为。

4 belle   

n.靓女

参考例句：

• She was the belle of her Sunday School class.在主日学校她是她们班的班花。
• She was the belle of the ball.她是那个舞会中的美女。

5 chaste   

adj.贞洁的；有道德的；善良的；简朴的

参考例句：

• Comparatively speaking,I like chaste poetry better.相比较而言，我更喜欢朴实无华的诗。
• Tess was a chaste young girl.苔丝是一个善良的少女。

6 initially   

adv.最初，开始

参考例句：

• The ban was initially opposed by the US.这一禁令首先遭到美国的反对。
• Feathers initially developed from insect scales.羽毛最初由昆虫的翅瓣演化而来。

7 addiction   

n.上瘾入迷，嗜好

参考例句：

• He stole money from his parents to feed his addiction.他从父母那儿偷钱以满足自己的嗜好。
• Areas of drug dealing are hellholes of addiction,poverty and murder.贩卖毒品的地区往往是吸毒上瘾、贫困和发生谋杀的地方。

8 conceal   

v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽

参考例句：

• He had to conceal his identity to escape the police.为了躲避警方，他只好隐瞒身份。
• He could hardly conceal his joy at his departure.他几乎掩饰不住临行时的喜悦。

9 mechanism   

n.机械装置；机构，结构

参考例句：

• The bones and muscles are parts of the mechanism of the body.骨骼和肌肉是人体的组成部件。
• The mechanism of the machine is very complicated.这台机器的结构是非常复杂的。

10 serial   

n.连本影片，连本电视节目；adj.连续的

参考例句：

• A new serial is starting on television tonight.今晚电视开播一部新的电视连续剧。
• Can you account for the serial failures in our experiment?你能解释我们实验屡屡失败的原因吗？

11 liars   

说谎者( liar的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The greatest liars talk most of themselves. 最爱自吹自擂的人是最大的说谎者。
• Honest boys despise lies and liars. 诚实的孩子鄙视谎言和说谎者。

12 deception   

n.欺骗，欺诈；骗局，诡计

参考例句：

• He admitted conspiring to obtain property by deception.他承认曾与人合谋骗取财产。
• He was jailed for two years for fraud and deception.他因为诈骗和欺诈入狱服刑两年。

13 nurtured   

养育( nurture的过去式和过去分词 )； 培育； 滋长； 助长

参考例句：

• She is looking fondly at the plants he had nurtured. 她深情地看着他培育的植物。
• Any latter-day Einstein would still be spotted and nurtured. 任何一个未来的爱因斯坦都会被发现并受到培养。

14 nurturing   

养育( nurture的现在分词 )； 培育； 滋长； 助长

参考例句：

• These delicate plants need careful nurturing. 这些幼嫩的植物需要精心培育。
• The modern conservatory is not an environment for nurturing plants. 这个现代化温室的环境不适合培育植物。

15 compassionately   

adv.表示怜悯地，有同情心地

参考例句：

• The man at her feet looked up at Scarlett compassionately. 那个躺在思嘉脚边的人同情地仰望着她。 来自飘（部分）
• Then almost compassionately he said,"You should be greatly rewarded." 接着他几乎带些怜悯似地说：“你是应当得到重重酬报的。” 来自辞典例句

16 expedient   

adj.有用的，有利的；n.紧急的办法，权宜之计

参考例句：

• The government found it expedient to relax censorship a little.政府发现略微放宽审查是可取的。
• Every kind of expedient was devised by our friends.我们的朋友想出了各种各样的应急办法。

17 miserable   

adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的

参考例句：

• It was miserable of you to make fun of him.你取笑他，这是可耻的。
• Her past life was miserable.她过去的生活很苦。

18 facade   

n.(建筑物的)正面，临街正面；外表

参考例句：

• The entrance facade consists of a large full height glass door.入口正面有一大型全高度玻璃门。
• If you look carefully,you can see through Bob's facade.如果你仔细观察，你就能看穿鲍勃的外表。

19 refund   

v.退还，偿还；n.归还，偿还额，退款

参考例句：

• They demand a refund on unsatisfactory goods.他们对不满意的货品要求退款。
• We'll refund your money if you aren't satisfied.你若不满意，我们愿意退款给你。