英文演讲录 帕鲁尔·班赛尔：剃完光头的我(2)

I was forced to examine all of me with a bald head.

我不得不光着头审视自己。

Do I look feminine? Am I Indian?.

我看起来有女人味吗？我是印度人吗？

Am I even attractive? Do I fit in?

我到底有没有吸引力？我能适应吗？

'Cause I sure as hell feel like I stand out.

因为我真的像在地狱一样，感觉我很另类。

You know, it's as if I had this cup of who I was, and it was full to the brim of other people's ideas.

你知道，这就好像一个我自己的杯子，里面却充斥着别人的想法。

When I shaved my head, I went like this, and now, I have this empty cup.

当我剃光头的时候，就像这样我把所有的东西都倒掉，现在我有一个空杯子。

And I don't know what to do with it.

我不知道该怎么处理它。

I was drawn¹ out of hiding by many role models.

许多榜样把我从躲藏的地方拉了出来。

I was inspired by the queer community who showed me that the spectrum² of identity exists beyond conformity³.

我受到了同性恋群体的启发，他们向我展示了超越一致性的身份。

I was inspired by black women who invited me into their safe spaces beyond a world that still polices their hair.

我受到黑人女性的启发，她们邀请我进入她们的安全空间，超越了那个监管头发的世界。

I was inspired by a mere⁴ workshop, which asked me to lock eyes with myself and acknowledge my own existence.

我的灵感仅仅来自一个研讨会，它让我凝视自己，承认自己的存在。

But it wasn't until November 21, 2018, that I truly saw myself for the very first time.

但直到2018年11月21日，我才真正看到了自己。

And in of all places, it was during six hours of video meetings where I couldn't help but notice her in that tiny little video chat box.

在所有的地方，正是在六个小时的视频会议期间，我忍不住注意到她在那个小小的视频聊天框里。

She looked gentle, yet fierce.

她看起来温文尔雅，但又很暴躁。

Oh my god, that bald chick, she is me. I am her.

天哪，那个光头小妞，她就是我。我就是她。

For the first time in my life, it felt like my insides and outsides were in alignment⁶.

这是我有生以来第一次感觉到我的内在和外在是一致的。

I looked like how I feel, and I feel like me.

我看起来就像我感觉的那样，我感觉就像我自己。

And you know what? I fxxking love my shaved head. I mean, I look like the future.

你知道吗？我真喜欢我的光头。我是说，我看起来就像是未来。

I decided⁷ that every seemingly opposing version of myself could truly coexist, my Indian roots,my Canadian upbringing, my femininity, and my fierceness, my love for hip⁸ hop⁵, and my vintage teacup collection.

我认为每一个看似对立的自我都可以真正共存，我有印度血统，我在加拿大成长，我的女性气质，我的狂热，我对嘻哈的热爱，还有我收藏的复古茶杯。

There is no box to fill, no cup to fill, and no should to hold us down.

没有盒子要装满，没有杯子要装满，也没有什么应该拖累我们。

I mean, I'm bald as fxxk, so why not be bold as fxxk?

我都是光头了，为什么不大胆一点呢？

1 drawn   

v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的

参考例句：

• All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
• Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。

2 spectrum   

n.谱，光谱，频谱；范围，幅度，系列

参考例句：

• This is a kind of atomic spectrum.这是一种原子光谱。
• We have known much of the constitution of the solar spectrum.关于太阳光谱的构成，我们已了解不少。

3 conformity   

n.一致，遵从，顺从

参考例句：

• Was his action in conformity with the law?他的行动是否合法？
• The plan was made in conformity with his views.计划仍按他的意见制定。

4 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

5 hop   

n.单脚跳，跳跃；vi.单脚跳，跳跃；着手做某事；vt.跳跃，跃过

参考例句：

• The children had a competition to see who could hop the fastest.孩子们举行比赛，看谁单足跳跃最快。
• How long can you hop on your right foot?你用右脚能跳多远？

6 alignment   

n.队列；结盟，联合

参考例句：

• The church should have no political alignment.教会不应与政治结盟。
• Britain formed a close alignment with Egypt in the last century.英国在上个世纪与埃及结成了紧密的联盟。

7 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

8 hip   

n.臀部，髋；屋脊

参考例句：

• The thigh bone is connected to the hip bone.股骨连着髋骨。
• The new coats blouse gracefully above the hip line.新外套在臀围线上优美地打着褶皱。