帮助夫妻保持关系持续发展的10个技巧

 　　My wife and I turned the flame of our burgeoning¹ relationship into a raging blaze on an epic² three and a half month, 8,000 mile motorcycle trip. The result, over 17 years of marriage and eight kids! It’s been a magical journey, but nothing about it has been easy. It has taken work and more than a few difficult days to make life a joyful³ adventure.

　　通过史诗般的三个半月和8000英里的摩托车旅行，我和妻子将我们迅速发展的关系转变成熊熊燃烧的火焰般的爱情。其结果是一段超过17年的婚姻和八个孩子！这是一段神奇之旅，但并不容易。需要努力并克服一些困难的时光，才能让生活变成一次愉快的冒险。

　　I wanted to share a few of the lessons we have learned on keeping a relationship growing, more often than not, the hard way. We’ve thrown things, we’ve yelled, we’ve wanted to quit, we’ve wallowed in the distance of anger, yet we’ve persevered⁴ and learned to grow a relationship that is as deep as it is wide.

　　我想分享一些我们已经学会了的保持一段关系不断发展，这些往往来之不易。我们扔东西，我们大喊，我们想放弃，我们沉湎于愤怒之中，但我们坚持了下来，学会了如何将关系发展为最深。

　　Here are ten thoughts on growing in a relationship:

　　这有10个发展一段关系的想法。

　　You don’t have to settle. You can grow your relationship and make it something that continually enhances your life. A good relationship is like anything you love, you must be committed to learning, to growing, and always looking to improve. When you feel like you’ve settled, you need to act, or else that settling becomes a chasm⁵ of stagnation⁶ or worse.

　　你不必解决它。你可以发展你的关系，并让它能不断提高你的生活品质。一段好的关系就像你所爱的任何东西一样，你必须努力学习、成长并一直寻求改善。当你觉得你已经解决它时，你需要行动，否则，这种解决会成为一条让你停滞不前的鸿沟或发生更糟的事情。

　　Arguing is good. Many studies show that couples who argue have healthier relationships. It took a while to learn this in our relationship. For so long I saw arguments as a failure, but the truth is that they are necessary components⁷ of a healthy relationship. To argue well, i.e. when the sparks are done flying you can actually talk, means you must respect each other and the relationship enough to fight for it.

　　有争吵很好。许多研究表明，有争吵的夫妻有着更健康的关系。在我们的关系中，我们花了一段时间来学会这点。长期以来，我一直把争吵当作失败，但事实是它们是一段健康关系的必要组成部分。要想很好地争吵，比如说，当气氛缓和时你可以真正说话，这意味着你必须要彼此尊重，来为之奋斗。

　　Say you are sorry, and own it. When an argument goes bad, just walk away. Then when you can own your part in the debacle, return and say you are sorry. Expect nothing in return. This kind of unconditional⁸ response to adversity is a sure sign to your loved one that your relationship is more than skin deep.

　　说你很抱歉，并承认这点。当争吵变得失控时，先走开。当你可以从崩溃中脱离控制自己时，回来说对不起。不要期待什么回报。这种对逆境的无条件反应会给你的爱人一个肯定的迹象，说明你们的关系绝不肤浅。

　　Make time to talk about your relationship. Schedule time where you give each other an opportunity to talk about the relationship without judgement or animosity. And by “talk about your relationship”, I mean treat your relationship like a third person. Are we talking enough, are their unresolved issues, etc.

　　腾出时间谈谈你们的关系。计划好时间以给你们彼此一个没有评判或敌意地谈论这段关系的机会。通过“谈论你们的关系”，我是说把你们的关系当成是第三者。我们谈论的越多，悬而未决的问题就会解决更多等。

　　Remind yourself often of why you fell in love in the first place. Look at old pictures, tell old stories, remember those first magnetic embers of love. We aren’t just who we are in this moment, we are a culmination⁹ of the past, the present, and the future. Use the victories and lessons of the past as fuel for future growth.

　　经常提醒你们自己为什么你们会一见钟情。看看老照片，讲讲老故事，记住那些最开始吸引你们的爱情余烬。此时我们不再是我们自己，我们是过去、当前和未来的一个巅峰。用过去的胜利和教训作为未来成长的燃料。

　　Share small adventures. Our lives can get so busy we begin to forget about small pleasures. Go for walks, shopping together, coffee, whatever. When life has consumed us, even a short pleasure can seem like a walk on the beach.

　　分享小冒险。我们的生活可以变得如此忙碌，以至于我们开始忘记了小快乐。去散步，一起购物，煮咖啡，无论什么都好。当生活吞噬了我们，即使是短暂的快乐也能像在沙滩上漫步一样。

　　Spend time totally focused on your partner. Massage¹⁰ them until your fingers cramp¹¹ up, listen and don’t talk, go with them on an errand they could do alone, write them a poem or love letter like you did when you were falling in love. Pray for them. Focusing on them will make the relationship stronger.

　　花点而时间全身心关注你的伴侣。按摩他们到手指抽筋，倾听、不要说话，在他们单独出差时陪他们一起去，就像你们陷入爱河时一样为他们写首诗或份情书。为他们祈祷。关注他们会使这段关系变得更牢固。

　　Schedule space for each other. You need space to grow. A suffocating¹² relationship kills growth. We need freedom in the safety of a commitment. A strong relationship is one that is conscious of this space.

　　为彼此安排好空间。你们需要空间来成长。令人窒息的关系会杀死成长。我们需要安全承诺下的自由。在一段牢固的关系中要意识到需要这种空间。

　　Keep track of your growth. Set goals for the relationship and keep track of them. Growing a relationship is like anything else of value, you need to plan, set goals, work, and review.

　　跟踪你们的成长。为这段关系设定目标并跟踪它们。发展一段关系就像任何其它有价值的事情一样，你需要计划、设定目标、努力并反思。

　　A healthy relationship is two individuals working together. A healthy relationship is kind of like a trinity, two individuals create something deeper and better than themselves, yet they are still themselves. For a relationship to grow, you must also grow as an individual and not lose yourself. This can be really hard for mothers. They can get so caught up in work, husband, children, that they don’t know who they are anymore. Make sure you help her with that.

　　一段健康的关系需要两个人一起努力。一段健康的关系是一种像一个三位一体，两个人创造的一些比他们自己更深入和更好的东西，但他们仍然是自己。为了一段关系的成长，你也必须作为个人成长，不要迷失自己。这对妈妈们真的很难。她们会忙碌于工作、丈夫、孩子，忙得都不知道自己是谁了。确保你会帮助她。

　　A relationship is hard work, but if you commit yourself to planting the seeds of growth, you will see something beautiful you could never imagine alone.

　　经常一段感情是很艰苦的工作，但是如果你向自己承诺要播下成长的种子，你会发现想象不到的美好。

 

1 burgeoning   

adj.迅速成长的，迅速发展的v.发芽，抽枝( burgeon的现在分词 )；迅速发展；发（芽），抽（枝）

参考例句：

• Our company's business is burgeoning now. 我们公司的业务现在发展很迅速。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• These efforts were insufficient to contain the burgeoning crisis. 这些努力不足以抑制迅速扩散的危机。 来自辞典例句

2 epic   

n.史诗，叙事诗；adj.史诗般的，壮丽的

参考例句：

• I gave up my epic and wrote this little tale instead.我放弃了写叙事诗，而写了这个小故事。
• They held a banquet of epic proportions.他们举行了盛大的宴会。

3 joyful   

adj.欢乐的，令人欢欣的

参考例句：

• She was joyful of her good result of the scientific experiments.她为自己的科学实验取得好成果而高兴。
• They were singing and dancing to celebrate this joyful occasion.他们唱着、跳着庆祝这令人欢乐的时刻。

4 persevered   

v.坚忍，坚持( persevere的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• She persevered with her violin lessons. 她孜孜不倦地学习小提琴。
• Hard as the conditions were, he persevered in his studies. 虽然条件艰苦，但他仍坚持学习。 来自辞典例句

5 chasm   

n.深坑，断层，裂口，大分岐，利害冲突

参考例句：

• There's a chasm between rich and poor in that society.那社会中存在着贫富差距。
• A huge chasm gaped before them.他们面前有个巨大的裂痕。

6 stagnation   

n. 停滞

参考例句：

• Poor economic policies led to a long period of stagnation and decline. 糟糕的经济政策道致了长时间的经济萧条和下滑。
• Motion is absolute while stagnation is relative. 运动是绝对的，而静止是相对的。

7 components   

（机器、设备等的）构成要素，零件，成分； 成分( component的名词复数 )； [物理化学]组分； [数学]分量； （混合物的）组成部分

参考例句：

• the components of a machine 机器部件
• Our chemistry teacher often reduces a compound to its components in lab. 在实验室中化学老师常把化合物分解为各种成分。

8 unconditional   

adj.无条件的，无限制的，绝对的

参考例句：

• The victorious army demanded unconditional surrender.胜方要求敌人无条件投降。
• My love for all my children is unconditional.我对自己所有孩子的爱都是无条件的。

9 culmination   

n.顶点；最高潮

参考例句：

• The space race reached its culmination in the first moon walk.太空竞争以第一次在月球行走而达到顶峰。
• It may truly be regarded as the culmination of classical Greek geometry.这确实可以看成是古典希腊几何的登峰造级之作。

10 massage   

n.按摩，揉；vt.按摩，揉，美化，奉承，篡改数据

参考例句：

• He is really quite skilled in doing massage.他的按摩技术确实不错。
• Massage helps relieve the tension in one's muscles.按摩可使僵硬的肌肉松弛。

11 cramp   

n.痉挛；[pl.](腹)绞痛；vt.限制，束缚

参考例句：

• Winston stopped writing,partly because he was suffering from cramp.温斯顿驻了笔，手指也写麻了。
• The swimmer was seized with a cramp and had to be helped out of the water.那个在游泳的人突然抽起筋来，让别人帮着上了岸。

12 suffocating   

a.使人窒息的

参考例句：

• After a few weeks with her parents, she felt she was suffocating.和父母呆了几个星期后，她感到自己毫无自由。
• That's better. I was suffocating in that cell of a room.这样好些了，我刚才在那个小房间里快闷死了。