Holmes and Watson had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, Watson, look up. What do you see? Well, I see thousands of stars. And what does that mean to you? Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow...
An Irishman walked into a bar in Dublin. He ordered three pints of Guinness(英国产强性黑啤酒之一种, 其商标名), sat in the back of the room, and drank a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished them, he came back to the bar and ord...
A boy was wondering about a photograph in a newspaper. It showed a group ofhappy and cheering children carrying schoolbags with the caption at thebottom: `` On Their Way To School''. ``It must be mistaken, I bet. They must be on their way home after...
Mommy, my turtle is dead, the little boy, Myrddin, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand. The mother kissed him on the head, then said, That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then h...
A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to tr...
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse. Shortly afterward, she toldhim she was pregnant. Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse asum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there. But how will I let you know the baby is...
An 80-year-old woman married an 85-year-old man. After about 6 months together the woman wasn't feeling well and she went to her doctor. The doctor examined and said, Congratulations Mrs. Jones, you're going to be a mother.Get serious Doctor, I'm 80....
There was an old married couple that had happily lived together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always awake up his wife...
My wife came home yesterday and said, Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is.I asked her what it was, and she told me there was water in the carburetor(化油器）. I thought for a moment, then said, You know, I don't mean this o...
Sam and John were out cutting wood when John cut his arm off. Sam remained calm, wrapped the arm in a plastic bag, and took the arm and John to a surgeon. You are in luck, said the surgeon. I am an expert in re-attaching limbs. Come back in four hour...
A man was trying to pull out of a parking place but bashed（撞击）the bumper（保险杠） of the parked car in front of him. Witnessed by a handful of pedestrians（行人）waiting for a bus, the driver got out, inspected the damage, and proce...
At a recent Sacramento PC User's Group meeting, a company was demonstratingits latest speech-recognition software. A representative from the company was just about ready to start the demonstration and asked everyone in the room to quiet down. Just th...
A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. Mommy, she said, can we leave now?No her mother replied. Well, I think I have to throw up(呕吐）!Then go out the front door and around to the back ofthe church and throw up...
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, I built a big house for our mother.The second said, I sent her a Mercedes with a d...
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and offers, If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and kille...
