TED演讲:一段无人了解的经历(3)

I was completely powerless to change anything in my life or people's perceptions of me.

我无法改变生命中的任何事情，对改变别人对我的认知也无能为力。

I was a silent, invisible observer of how people behaved when they thought no one was watching.

我是一个无声的，隐形的，观察人们行为的观察者，人们以为没有人看到发生了什么。

Unfortunately, I wasn't only an observer. With no way to communicate, I became the perfect victim:

不幸的是，我不仅仅是一个观察者，由于没有沟通的能力，我变成了完美的受害者：

a defenseless object, seemingly devoid¹ of feelings that people used to play out their darkest desires.

一个没有防御的，看起来完全没有感知的物体，变成了人们发泄黑暗欲望的完美工具。

For more than 10 years, people who were charged with my care abused me physically², verbally and sexually.

超过十年来，一些本应该来照顾我的人，在肢体上、言语上、性行为上虐待我。

Despite what they thought, I did feel. The first time it happened, I was shocked and filled with disbelief.

无论他们如何认为，我感知到了这一切。第一次发生这种事情时，我被震惊所淹没。

How could they do this to me? I was confused. What had I done to deserve this? Part of me wanted to cry and another part wanted to fight.

他们怎么能这么对我？我非常疑惑。我做了什么竟遭受到如此对待？我的一部分极力的想要哭泣，另外的一部分极力的想要反抗。

Hurt, sadness and anger flooded through me, I felt worthless, there was no one to comfort me, but neither of my parents knew this was happening.

伤痛，悲怆以及激愤在我心中一涌而出，我觉得自已分文不值，没有人能够安慰我，但我的父母不知道这些事情的发生。

I lived in terror, knowing it would happen again and again. I just never knew when. All I knew was that I would never be the same.

我生活在恐惧之中，深知这一切将会一直重复下去。只是不知道何时会遭受下一次而已。我只知道我永远不再是曾经的自己了。

I remember once listening to Whitney Houston singing, "No matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity."

我想起曾听到惠特尼·休斯顿唱道：“不论他们从我这里拿走了什么，他们永远带不走我的尊严。”

And I thought to myself, "You want to bet?"

我自己想到，“你想打个赌么？”

1 devoid   

adj.全无的，缺乏的

参考例句：

• He is completely devoid of humour.他十分缺乏幽默。
• The house is totally devoid of furniture.这所房子里什么家具都没有。

2 physically   

adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律

参考例句：

• He was out of sorts physically,as well as disordered mentally.他浑身不舒服，心绪也很乱。
• Every time I think about it I feel physically sick.一想起那件事我就感到极恶心。